Where the Sun Sets

Thirteen

My heart was racing as I walked into the classroom, my eyes immediately landing on Spencer. She was sitting in the back of the room like always, today her face was clear and she was just staring at her phone.

It's been about three weeks since we saw each other. And... seeing her is making me fucking sick.

It made it so much worse when my eyes continued to subconsciously drift towards her during the stupid lecture. I watched as she took notes, her brow furrowed in concentration. I felt a pang of longing deep in my chest, a feeling I hate myself for.

The stupid memories flooded my brain - the stolen moments in the janitor's closet, the late night texts, and the way Spencer's touch had made me feel... euphoric. But now, as I sat across the room from her, I felt nothing but a deep sense of loss and sadness.

I wonder what Spencer is thinking, whether she's feeling just as conflicted and confused as I am. Maybe she regrets it. Just a bit. 

As the lecture dragged on, I found myself counting down the minutes until class ended, desperate to escape the painful feeling in my chest.

My heart fucking sank as the teacher spoke up, "We'll be doing partner work this week while I'm away. I made it easy for the sub and kept the partners from last quarter." As he read off the names, I wanted to just go ahead and jump out of the fucking window. "Natalie and Spencer..."

I wanted to barf as I grabbed my stuff, moving slowly towards her desk. I feel sick. I can't do this. Maybe I can fake strep or something this week. She'll immediately get points 'cause I'll be sick and we won't have to work together and I won't have to-

"Hey," Spencer said, her voice cool and casual. And... I take it back. I'm not sad. I'm mad. How can she just... Ugh. Ugh!

"Hey," I replied. I was desperately trying to match Spencer's nonchalance. "Looks like we're partners." I sound like an idiot.

Spencer nodded, a hint of tension in her eyes. She moved her things off the desk beside her. "I'll get the topics pulled up..."

Fuck Spencer. Fuck her and her stupid red hair and her stupid smile and her stupid eyes.

I couldn't help but think about all the times I had fallen for her stupid obvious charms, how easily she had gotten under my skin and made me feel like I was the only person in the world.

I feel nothing but resentment. I am so angry for letting myself get hurt, angry at Spencer for leading me on and then disappearing without a word. And I am especially angry at the way Spencer still looked effortlessly gorgeous, even when she was being cold and distant.

I clenched my jaw, determined not to let my emotions get the better of me. I refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing me break down. 

Spencer, on the other hand, seemed just fine. She was all business, talking only about the project and avoiding any mention of absolutely anything else. 

But I did notice the way her eyes flickered towards me every now and then. That just made me more upset. More hateful.

As we worked on our slideshow, I found myself becoming frustrated. The more time I spent with her, the more I felt like I was being pulled back into her orbit. It made me confused, my heart aching worse than before.

I noticed the time, thankful the bell was about to ring. I began to gather all my things and started to stand up. 

But before I could make my great escape, Spencer spoke up. "So, I heard you and Claire are a thing." She said it so casually. As if we were discussing the weather. But I got to know her. I notice the venomous undertone to her words and I know exactly what it means.