Yes, yes, I want to be a boy
Why?
They get all the privileges!
I wasn't allowed to play football/soccer...
I was bright, but some of my teacher's only thought I was a big trouble maker, because I wasn't quiet and girly like the others...
This is not fair.
Cameron never allowed me to get on that pitch and play football. IT WASN'T FAIR. IT WASN'T FAIR. WHY AM I NOT A BOY? WHY THE HELL AM I A GIRL? WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE A GIRL BODY! FUCK YOU ALL!
Kinji...
He was the only one who wanted me to join. But I couldn't. He couldn't do anything about... yet he still gave me encouragement, despite being teased and frowned upon...
Thank you so much, Kin... what you said back then was very important to me, you know?
They told me I wasn't good. WHAT KIND OF A FUCKING EXCUSE WAS THAT? THEY HADN'T SEEN ME FUCKING PLAY IN A WHOLE YEAR? WHAT FUCKING SAY DO YOU HAVE, IF I'M GOOD OR NOT? FUCK YOU
WHY, WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN? THIS ISN'T FAIR, I WANT TO BE A BOY, THIS IS NOT FAIR!
At home, I used to cry about this...
I shrugged it off at school... it wasn't fair... I WANT TO BE A BOY, I WANT TO BE A BOY!
Kinji, I cannot thank you more for what you had said before, for if it hasn't been for you, I woulda completely quit on a game i loved. Thank you. Thank you!
And to my teacher, thank you so, so much for forcing me into that game. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
It means so much to me...
I will never forget those lonely, longing days sitting just outside the pitch, watching something snatched away from me due to my gender.
They were so privileged it was stupid. Several times they failed so terribly I sneered at them.
I wasn't fair... it wasn't fair... it wasn't fair...
It wasn't fair
I remember Eugene's little sister, one year younger than us, was allowed to play on the other side, where the other grades played, but only because her brother was so good. SHE wasnt
I don't think I can ever be able to forgive anyone for the pain they inflicted on me. I will never forget or forgive.
I remember I tackled Eugene, but, he tackled me back and he scored. If anyone had a working brain, they'd figure out that if it weren't for me, the ball would already be inside the goal
I was critized so much. I don't think they didn't realize, I was simply critized cuz i was a girl.
It hurt.
Kin... thank you so much for pulling me through that...
Even on that day I scored 3 goals in 30 minutes... I was happy, I was the top scorer
Yet something inside of me burned like fire, hating and hating everyone who thought I sucked because I was a girl. I hated them so much inside... because they had something I knew I would never get, took it all for granted, them discriminated those who didn't have it...
I hate them, to this day
I hate them inside so much
You know. This must be what Sachiko felt like. She saw life, and she took it away because she didn't have that, and her life was taken from her all the same. She knew how much everyone else was suffering
Inside me, I want to strip Cameron and the others of their gender privileges... and I to see how they feel. I want to hurt them as much as they hurt me... I want them to know how much it hurts.
Maybe I understand Sachiko very well. Maybe I'm a psychopath. Or maybe I've just been hurt a lot. I don't know... but I always feel that I need revenge for that, you know?
If only I were a boy
