Living with the Dead

Chapter 6

I looked at Nepal after he broke the kiss. Right now I didn't care that I was in a hospital and couldn't speak I had to speak... Okay more like yell...
"Oh my God; what is fucking wrong with you!?"
Nepal went red then pulled on his shirt sleeve a bit messing with it. He sighed and the started walking to the door.
"No Nepal... Don't leave I'm sorry..." But it was too late... Nepal slammed the door shut.
Tears stung my eyes... I didn't know what to do... I cried until I fell asleep and was awoken by Autumn.
Now Autumn was the last person I wanted to see right now only because of what just happened with Nepal.
"Hey Indi how are you doing?"
I glanced up at him and gave a weak smile. "Good I guess..."
"Look I would've came sooner but the damn school doesn't let us out til 4:30 pm..."
"That's okay"
"So who came to visit you so far?"
I got tense when he asked that but quickly said: "Oh no one..."
Autumn looked me in the eyes and said: "Indonesia don't lie to me. I love you what would make me mad at you?"
I looked down at my hands then quietly said: "Nepal came."
"Oh..."
I nodded.. "Yeah."
"Well listen Indi I just wanted to bring you these" Autumn said holding out some pink tulips. He gave me a quick kiss and headed out.

January 4th, 2015
I couldn't go to Pandora's party and Echo didn't go either because I was in the hospital so instead she stayed with me. I felt bad though because it wasn't her fault I almost got killed.
Echo gave me the sketch of Autumn, me, and her at the coffee shop. It was framed.
"Gee I don't know what to say Echo this is-."
"Shh.. don't say anything. You would do the same I'm sure... Also this room could use some color!" Echo said laughing.
I smiled and ate very little for lunch. A turkey sandwich with carrots. Echo left after lunch and then I was back on my own.

January 5th, 2015
My mom came in the room and said: "Tomorrow the doctors say you can leave the hospital." She said with a smile. "You will have to be sure to go over to say thank you to Nepal when we have dinner with him tomorrow night."
"What!?" I said dumbfounded.
"Nepal saved you from those two nasty girls. You passed out, he saw you in the park, then he brought you here. He came yesterday to stop and see how you were doing didn't he?"
Suddenly I got a bad feeling in my stomach.

January 6th, 2015
I went home that day but still had bandages on my back. I had a wheel chair if I had to sit down for my back, but other than that I was set to go home.
My mom took me home and made me put on a nice dress. The dress I wore was a white one with pink trimming and red and yellow flowers all over the dress. Then at 5:30 pm she took me to Nepal's house for dinner.
Now I have known Nepal since we were really little and played at each other's house every day. But this is the first time it felt weird and awkward being with Nepal and in his house about to eat dinner.
The house had more paintings than I remembered and lined up through the staircase was photos of Nepal from Kindergarten to High School. A few pictures I was in on the wall.
Nepal came down the stairs, glanced at me then sat down. He didn't say a word.
Dinner was quite and after dinner mom made me thank Nepal and his family, and acknowledge Nepal for taking me to the emergency room. Nepal just shrugged and didn't say much. I'm guessing because he is still mad at me.
We headed home and then I got a text message from Echo telling me that we were going to go to the mall with Pandora on the May 5th because she wanted to get to know me and become great friends. Also it was so late in the moths because Pandora had to go on a long vacation during then to see her dad who got back from the Army. I sighed and texted back yes and went to bed.
May 5th, 2015
My back ached the next morning and when Pandora and Echo showed up to my house they had to help me get into the car.
Pandora drove a beetle car and it was in a lovely shade of light blue.
Pandora started up the car and Echo rode shotgun. Of course I'm the wallflower left behind in the back seat. We headed to the mall and the drive was a bit long.
We past empty fields where farmers were tending their crops. Soon we pulled into a cobblestone parking lot and Pandora parked under a bright street light. We got out of the car and entered the mall.
As soon as we came in the mall a giant fountain sprayed out in the front plaza. Dozens of posters lined the glass windows. Echo and Pandora wanted to go into all the girly shops you know like:
Forever 21
American Eagle
Urban Outfitters
Aeropostale
Those type of stores. Each one showed a picture of a really young woman around the age 21-25 wearing clothes that either showed too much cleavage or was something that they knew they looked sexy in.
Looking at the posters made me mad. I mean we can't let the society tell us who we are and let them define us!
I know you guys hear that everyday but I'm gonna literally spell it out for you. The society tells you that you have to get married. When we are young we expect to get married and have children of our own... But our life may just not be cut out for that. We don't have to wear our hair a certain way, or even have to wear makeup. The society made it out that way. Man I'm a hypocrite for saying this because I buy into this shit everyday but it's the truth and it needs to be said.
You know teenagers these days are too basic. For example:
Typical white girl (stereotypical thing not racist) is supposed to supposed to wear white Converse or black Vans, have those California sexy sun glasses, have their hair dyed red, drink Star Bucks, wear nerd glasses when they don't need glasses at all, and have an Apple IPhone 6. No that's the society telling you that you need that shit. Before you honest to God get any of this bullshit think to yourself for one second: "Is this honest to God me wanting this junk? Or is it the society telling me I have to have it?"
Television commercials show 30 second advertisements of women looking sexy and perfect. There is no way buying that product will make you look 'perfect'. I honest to God will bet money that 99% of those women had plastic surgery.
We can be who we want to be, what we want to look like, and these advertisements are screwing up people's minds that they have to look like this or have to wear this.
I just wanna tell the society to fuck off and stop getting on my nerves. Complaining about everything these days. Especially same sex marriage. God don't get me started on how I feel about that.
After we went into Forever 21 I started to get queasy at looking at all the perfect shaped bodies of the society that we we'll never officially have so I screwed the mall and walked home. Echo and Pandora offered to drive me home but I didn't wanna ruin their mall day and besides I needed time to think.
Your probably thinking I'm crazy but yes I walked 6 miles out until I saw a gas station. I checked my watch: 10:30 pm I headed inside the mini store called "Jaxs" and went to the the bathroom. Shit, I left my phone at home. I saw a pay phone on the wall and dug into my pockets for some loose change. I soon found a quarter and inserted it into the machine. I called Autumn to come pick me up and he answered on the second ring. I knew if I called my mom I was dead.
"Hey Autumn can you pick me up?"
"Sure Indi where are you?"
"On the interstate near exit 21."
"Okay I'll be right there."
While I waited I bought a coffee and sipped the hot beverage.
Autumn soon came to the gas station and wrapped his coat around me. He took me to his car and we swung my McDonald's so I could have some French Fries.
As we neared home I grabbed the emergency key in the potted plant and turned to Autumn.
"Thanks for coming."
"Anytime for you Indonesia." He said pressing his lips against mine.
I headed inside and quietly shut the door. I called Nepal on my phone: No answer.
Let me just tell you this: walking for 6 miles doesn't help if you just got your back cut open. I laid down on my bed and sighed. I felt awful. The society was stupid and needs to fuck off before I literally scream. I wanted to tell everyone how basic and stupid they were for joining the society instead of being their selves. Most people who listen to the society won't even know who they really are but yet complain about it when their preventing their own selves from finding out!? To tell you the truth even I don't know who I am. And not because of the fucked up society. I grabbed a razor and stuck once again. I winced at the sting and pain on my leg.
This time it was for my enemies. For the ones who would never understand that I was much more than the eye could see. This cut would prove that I felt something from their presence that I still felt pain and had feelings too. I cried myself to sleep that night.

July 3rd,2015
That morning I woke up and texted Nepal to see if he would come over to talk over what happened. He never answered.
That's it I thought. This fight with Nepal has gotten so old I clenched my hand into a fist and with my other hand threw the pillow at my window. I took a shower, threw on some clothes, and headed to Nepal's house and banged on the door.
His mom answered startled and before she could invite me in I darted up the stairs and burst into Nepal's room. Apparently he was changing, so as soon as he saw me he immediately covered his lower half of body with boxers and pants, and blushed.
"Indonesia what the hell are you doing in here invading my personal space?!"
"Look I'm tired of this little fight we've been having..."
"Oh so you think barging into someone's room while their changing helps lighten the mood?!" Nepal said sarcastically.
Now it was my turn to blush.
"Look just come on over to my house tonight for dinner. Like we used to do when we were little..."
"Why? Is your boyfriend gonna be there?"
"Look." I snapped. "If you wanna sit here and be a slut about it fine go right ahead but I just feel like I deserve an explanation and am tired of us arguing like were little kids! Man up will you?" I said slamming the door to his room.
I headed out back to my house and on the way I saw Meagan and Sydney. Oh boy what fun. I thought sarcastically.
"Well... Well... Well... Look at the little brat who lived... Hospital getting to you? Don't worry it's not the last time you will be there." Sydney said with a smirk.
I glanced down at her shoes that were of course white converse. She also had a brand new iPhone 6 in her hand since I threw her old one in the bottom of the lake.
"I see that your rich daddy bought you a new phone, what an idiot for not seeing that his daughter grew up to be a bitch." I said taunting her.
"You take that back! You wish you had a Dad but you don't! Last time I checked he's in hell!"
Now that was taking it too far. I grabbed for her phone but she was prepared for that and pinned me down on the ground.
"Looks like you didn't learn your lesson... Last time we slit your neck, put a gash in your cheek, and sliced your back... What should we do this time?" Sydney asked Megan as she grazed the knife upon my skin.
"Don't bother doing anything, this time she's gonna destroy herself either way!" Megan said laughing. "Look she even made a new cut on her leg, I say let her be."
Sydney paused for a moment and withdrew the knife. "Your right Megan... Go on Indonesia."
I could tell something in her voice was poisonous. She plastered her dazzling smile and left me here on the sidewalk. Now it took a while to get up since I had a sliced back just a couple of months ago and was now shoved on the rock hard pavement. Finally I managed to get up and headed home.
Maybe they were right... Maybe my dad did go to hell... You guys don't know how he died so let me give you a fair explanation. He was one day cooking in the kitchen and suddenly a grease fire started. He threw water on the fire but he knew that water was fuel to a grease fire which made it worse obviously. Instead of calling 911 he kept pouring water until the fire grew so much he caught on fire and was burned alive.
My dad was a smart man and I know he wasn't a dumb ass so throwing water and not calling 911 is more than likely an intentional suicide this can't be 100% guaranteed

Later that night Nepal didn't show up for dinner. I was now steamed. He obviously didn't care for our friendship so I headed up to my room. Tears stung my eyes and I grabbed a paper and pencil: I wrote a note at the top that said:
July 10th one week from today is going to be my last day on Earth for I realized no one cares about me. I'm tired of life and living.
This world is just some broken merry go round that I'm stuck on. The days go by... Nothing gets better... My world is spinning out of my control.
I want you guys to know that you could've helped me,

You could've cared,

You could've told me it was going to be okay,

But you didn't.

And that's all I need to know.

Now I know it sounds like I'm overreacting but you know what? Nepal doesn't give a shit about me, Megan and Sydney are demons, and Echo and Autumn probably don't want to be friends with a faggot like me. So it's official I left the note on my desk and counted down my last week of life.