I'm sitting on the couch. Waiting for Chris, like I've been doing for weeks now. Waiting for him to come back to me. It feels like a dream now. A dream which won't ever come true. Im better than anyone to know not to jump to conclusions, but the way he was looking at her I can't help but wonder if he has fallen in love.
Fallen in love without me.
I've cooked him his favourite dinner, thinking that it might be the last time I'm making him a meal.
I walk upstairs, looking through all the photo frames hung up on the wall beside the stairs. How much I'm wishing that we can save our relationship. This can't possibly be the end. But if he has been unfaithful, I will leave him without looking back. I have my dignity. No matter how much I love him, I've got to love myself more.
Running my hands through the frames, the tears fall out of my eyes.
I hear the door opening and shutting with a quite slam. I wipe away my tears. This is it, he's finally home. If I can call this my home anymore. It doesn't feel safe anymore. Home should be our safe place. A place you can runaway to and not be judged. But now all I can picture is them judging me.
"Why are you standing there like a statue, my love?" He chuckles and asks suddenly coming behind me.
I jump and shudder at his voice. He wraps his hands around me and rests his head on my shoulder. He softly nudges his heads against mine and kisses my cheek. He nuzzles his nose in my neck and takes a deep breath.
Why is he doing this to me? Making all this even more difficult for me.
How can he act as if nothing has happened. As if we aren't falling apart. Not fighting at all. I close my eyes and wrap my one hand around his arm and one hand in his hair, scratching softly.
Suddenly everything is fine. We're back and it feels like we never fell apart. We never fought and all was good once again. He was never with the girl-
Reality strikes me and I open my eyes and softly pushed Chris back. He looked at me with a confused look.
"What happened?"
I shake my head and give him a small smile.
"You hungry?" I asked.
He tilts his head on one side and looks me. He observes me and come towards me and tries wrap his arms around me. I take his hand and lightly stop him from going any further.
He forcefully shrugs my hands off him and pulls me against him and holds on to me tight, and rests his forehead on mine. I close my eyes tight and stop myself from holding him back. This has to stop.
"Why aren't you letting me hold you? What is going on with you, baby? Because you weren't sounding too happy on the phone."
So now he cares about how I sound on the phone. Where were you when I needed you, Chris?
Where are you when I need you? Right. With her.
"Nothing is wrong. I'm just tired." I replied.
"No, something is wrong. I know it. Just tell me, baby You'll feel better." He persists.
I suck in a deep breath and walk past him towards the kitchen. He follows me quickly and grabs my hand to tug me back towards him.
"If I've done something just tell me, so we can fix it and move the fuck on." he snaps
Its surprising how these days his mood changes so quickly. Chris was a calm person. Hardly raises his voice at anyone, except when we fight. Like now.
"Chris, can we do this after dinner? Please?" I say softly.
He groans and looks towards the ceiling. He takes a deep breath and looks back at me. I take a hold of his hand, and pull him towards the dining room. I bring the dinner I prepared for him.
I know I'm stalling but I want to make the most of this night.
"I made your favorite today. I hope you like it." I say
I sit down to serve myself and him a plate so we could start eating. After having a few bites, I look at him only to find him staring down at his plate. I frown and ask him if something is wrong with the dish.
"Is it not nice? Is it the salt?" I ask
"I'm not hungry." he states.
"Why, what's wrong? Are you feeling ill?" I go to touch his forehead but he pushes my hand away.
I look at him observing his pissed of face.
"Nothing is wrong, I'm just tired!" He sasses. Mocking my previous word.
He gets up to leave and the words vomit out of my mouth before I can stop myself.
"Tired ,are you? Tired after spending the day with her?" I muttered.
I try to keep a straight face even though my inner self is begging to scream. He sits back on his chair looking at me with a shocked expression.
All of a sudden I don't regret saying this to him. If he wants me to speak, I'll speak.
"Answer me. Are you tired from spending the whole day with some other girl? Did you have fun, baby?" I raise my eyebrow at him, demanding answers.
He opens his mouth but then closes it again. I take his silence as a sign for me to continue.
"You know what, Chris? If you were done with me then why not just break it off? Why keep me waiting for you to come back home to me after your shenanigans. Are you that selfish? Did you not think about me once? I know we are going through a rough time, but the least you could do was leave me before going to someone else." I say to him.
It feels so good to finally say everything that I've been wanting to say. I feel free and don't feel the weight on my heart. Chris gets up from his seat and walks towards the backyard he opens the glass door and steps outside. Anger bubbles inside me and I follow him outside. He can't ignore me now. I need answers.
"Stop walking away! I'm fucking tired of you walking away from me, Christopher ! I need you to answer my questions!" I yell at him.
He turns to look at me. He just stands there gawking at me. Watching me crying and yearning for his confessions. Most of all yearning for his love. The love he has probably given away to someone else. We are watching each other fall apart.
"Are you just gonna stand there watch me and my heart break right infront of you? Are you that done with me?!" I cry
"I saw you, Chris ! I fucking saw you and I saw you lie to me! All this as if I meant nothing to you. I love you! I love you so fucking much that it hurts me. But I can't do this anymore. It's taking everything in me! I've scarified so much and now you don't even love me anymore" I whisper at the end.
I flinch after hearing a sound of a breaking glass. I look up and see him taking another vase of flowers from our garden table and throw it at the brick wall. I run up to him and pull him back.
"Chris stop! " I yell.
He goes to push me back and loses his balance. I try to catch him before falling but he still ends up falling on the ground. He puts his head in his hands and starts crying. To say I'm in shock is an understatement. I have seen him cry only a handful of times. None of them had been because of me. Ever.
He continues to sob as I slowly kneel beside him and take him in my arms. As soon as he realises that I'm wrapped around him, he wraps his arms around my waist and nuzzles his head in my neck and just sobs. I have never seen him this way.
"I'm so tired, Y/N. So tired!" He weeps and coughs loudly on my shoulder.
He keeps his tight hold on me. Not letting me go even for a second. Not that I want him to. He needs me, and I plan on being there for him no matter what. He is devastated. Tears brimmed in my eyes. I never wanted to see him cry again. But I had to tell him all the things on my mind. His tall frame rests against my body. This is the closest I had been with him in a while. My chin pressed right on his head as I continue cradling him in in my arms.
"Don't walk away from me, baby. Please." he wheezes
I comfort him, running my fingers through his hair.
"You don't understand. I can't lose you!" He cries
I softly sigh
This makes him cry harder. I just don't understand what has affected him so much to be this upset. I'm trying to calm him down but nothing seems to work. I gently try to pray him of me so I can take him inside the house but he just tightens his hold on me.
"No, please stay!" he panics and looks at me with his red, swollen eyes.
"We have to go inside. Come on.." I softly say to him.
We both stand up and dust of the dirt from our bodies. He pulls me towards him by the waist. We walk inside the house and sit down on the sofa. He hooks an arm under my knees and pulls my legs across his lap.
He makes a small noise, and squeezes me tighter. He drops his cheek to my shoulder. "I'm exhausted, baby"
"Talk to me, Chris" I hum into his hair
"I'm not cheating. If that's what you were implementing back there." He says clearly worn out after out argument.
"Then why did you lie to me?" I ask sternly. He could feel me tense against him. He leans to kiss my collarbone, hoping I would relax.
"Please don't get mad at me again, baby." he pleads.
I shake my head. "Then tell me the truth, Christopher ."
"Do you think I haven't noticed the distance between us? You think this hasn't been hurting me as much as it's hurting you? I was starting to think that you don't love me anymore and that you were going to break up with me. Today when you called, yes I was with a girl. Her name is Eva. She's a new producer who's helping in the next album . I promise. I know my behaviour towards you hasn't been right. I've been a proper dick-"
I mutter cutting him off. "You have indeed "
He stares at me with a sad look and continues. "Yes,and I plan to change it. I lied today, that was an even more worse move to pull. But I was just scared, and I didn't want to give you anymore reason to doubt me. But that's exactly what I ended up doing."
He paused for a bit and then added. "I was telling Eva that hiding things from you and lying to you is extremely difficult. When I told you that I was in a meeting, she could see I was horribly failing to make up a lie. Recently her husband opened up a resort in Hawaii and willing to book us one of the bungalows you love in the corner of the sea. I was planning a trip for us. As a step towards working to bring you back to me.Bring us back...."
I froze. "What?"
"Yes. I'm so sorry the way I spoke to you was just horrible today. She wasn't happy when I told you that I didn't have time to talk. For a second, I thought she was going to physically hurt me. Told me this wasn't the way to treat you, and she's right. I was ready to run home after you hung up on me." he explains with a regretful look.
"Then why didn't you?" I ask before I could stop myself. I close my eyes and look down, fiddling my fingers.
"I was going to, baby. But Eva was in town only for today and I needed to finish the planning for our trip . She was leaving with Max tomorrow morning and I had to make the plans. I'm sorry. As messed up as this sounds, I'm so relieved that you feel the distance between us and felt emotional about it because I was convinced I was going to lose you. Now we can work on us, don't you think, babygirl ?" he asks with a hopeful look,
My heart nearly stopped. Everything felt so clear now. I wrap my hands around his neck and hug him tight.
He hooks my knees around his waist and picks me up to take me upstairs. He makes sure I'm safe and start walking. "Hey, none of this now, okay? No more tears today, baby. Everything is okay. We're okay. I would've thought the same thing if I was in your position."
you sniffle, angry at yourself for reacting this way.
"Stop, baby, please. I love you so much. I promise, everything is okay." he coos.
We entered our bedroom. I move to unwrap my legs but he stops me. "you wanna shower or go to bed?" he asks with a loving glint in his eyes.
I smile. "A shower does sound amazing."
He smile wide and my heart skips a beat. "Then a shower is what my baby will get."
He walks us to our bathroom and sets me down on the sink counter. He helps me shed my clothes and I help him to get rid of his. He once again picks me up and carries me to inside the glass cube, closing the door right after. He gets the water running and checks the temperature. I stand there with a smile gawking at his god like body. His abs which is my absolute favourite. His bum, looking like a whole pastry, that I have to stop myself from squeezing it.
"So you're just going to stand there and admire me?" he smirks. He reaches out and grabs my wrist pulling me closer to him. He presses his lips against mine and doesn't let me get way. Our lips move in sync and I fight the urge to do more.
"If you don't mind." I pull away and whisper. Too weak to do anything else. His lips are enough to make me weak and vulnerable to him.
"Baby, I know it might be too soon but I want you so bad right now. I've missed you so much" he mumbled, leaving his lips on my skin, nuzzling against it, taking my scent in.
He reaches out and cups my cheeks in his hands, running the pads of his thumbs at the apple of my cheeks. "You're so beautiful."
I laugh lightly and wrap my arms around his waist. "You're the one to talk, have you seen yourself in the mirror?"
He chuckles and leans in to kiss my nose, before bringing his fingers towards my cl*t. I brush my fingers up his member lightly and apply a bit of pressure on the tip of his c*ck. He rolls his head back beneath the shower head and water dribbles down his body and his face scrunches its features as I give it a tug.
"Baby, you're killing me." he breathes heavily.
Chris drops his palms to my ass and gives it a squeeze, before giving my cheeks a soft slap and bringing me closer to his body and right beneath the shower head. He brushes his nose against mine and leaves multiple loud kisses on my cheek. I smile and wrap my one arm which was free around his neck and give his hair a soft tug.
"I'm going to make you feel so good, baby girl. I'm so sorry for everything. I promise I'm going to make up for every single thing." he whispers in my ears.
This is the happiest I've felt in weeks. I have my Chris back and there was nothing I wanted more than him.
He grabs the shower head, and wraps his one arm around my shoulder and presses my back against the wall. He presses his front against mine and uses his knee to push apart my legs access to my cl*t.
He grips the handle of the shower head and moves it towards my core. I whine and roll my head back against the wall. He quickly leans in and starts sucks and leaving bites on my neck. He circles the shower head and my hips thrust forwards. He removes his arm from under my head and presses his finger to my cl*t and starts stroking it. My knees are shaking at this point. He increases the force of the water and pushes the head closer to me. I was about to collapse. He presses his whole body against me. The only distance between us now was down below near our cores. He presses his lips against my ear.
"I don't deserve it but will you please c*m for me, baby? Give me everything you have. Are you close?" He says in his sultry voice.
"So close, baby. Feels so good." I whimper.
He peppers kisses down my neck and sucks on the skin behind my ears. Soon enough I'm c*mming and if it wasn't for him keeping a tight hold in me I would've collapsed from that orgasm.
"I love you, baby. I love you so much. You did so great. I love you. I love you. Thank you for coming back to me." He chants while leaving kisses wherever he could reach.
"I love you too. So much." I shake my head and crash my mouth to his. Dripping with water from the shower heat and he returns the kiss with passion just as much, stroking his tongue with mine. I just can't get enough of him. Tilting my head back he puts more pressure against my mouth. Wiggling his arm around me and pulling to him tightly. His mouth devours me. and I have absolute so complaints. We deserve this.. We owe this to us and our love.
We pull away and smile at each other.
Then he smirks and says. "The night is just getting started."
I chuckle and we turn to wash the soap off our body. Once we are done. We step out of the shower and dry ourselves. I walk towards the door with his arms circled around my waist.
"Baby?" He coos in ears and kisses my cheek yet again.
"What?"
"I never stopped loving you. Don't think I ever will."
