I don't know what to do. These days I just feel like we were losing our will to keep this going. I love him and he loves me, I know it..
I think I know it.
I'm trying so hard to make it work but sometimes I just feel that he is not willing to do this anymore. I'm scared of how much I love him.
Is this all worth it?
The question has been on my mind a lot lately.
I'm walking to the nearest grocery shop, planning to make him something special. Today I have made up my mind. I am going to talk to him about this. I will.
I pass by a little cafe, and suddenly stop.
No that's not him. It can't be. He told me he was in a meeting. He won't do this to me. He loves me. I chant it in my head like a mantra.
I take my phone out of my bag and call him. He can't see me from where I can see him but I can see him as clear as the sky is today.
I stare as he takes out his cell phone and glances at it. Without any second glance he hangs up my call.
My heart breaks a little more than it broke a minute ago.
I try to call him again, and this time after rolling his eyes an it he answers.
"Yes?" He asks
I chuckled dryly at his pathetic attempt.
"Hello to you too, Christopher "
He rolls his eyes yet again and the brunette beside him laughs with him. He gestures her to stay quiet with his hands and a smile on his face.
"Y/N, I'm busy right now. I'm in a meeting and you know this."
"Meeting, is it?" I asked dryly.
He coughs and replies a yes.
"Where are you right now?" I dared to ask
"Studio? You know I'm at the studio. I told you this morning" he furrowed his eyebrows and answered
"When will you be home, baby?" I asked softly trying to coax him.
He sighs and looks at the girl opposite him. He shakes his head and replies something which breaks the rest of my heart.
"Can I call you later? Right now I don't exactly have time to talk." He says softly. As if trying not to hurt me with his words. He already has.
"Chris, I miss you." I whispered, a tear finally running down my cheek.
I look at him as he sighs yet again.
"I'll be home soon." He replies curtly.
I gasp and clutch my fist near my heart, as if trying to squeeze it. Trying to hold on just a bit more. Keep it together for a little while longer.
"Chris?" I whispered yet again.
Concerns flashes his eyes but that concern vanishes as soon as it comes. He clears his throat.
"What? I'm busy Y/N."
"I love you, baby. You know that,
don't you?"
He closes his eyes as if trying to soak in the words. The words which we haven't said to each other in a long while.
"I love you too, baby. I love you so much."
I gasp and cry silently. Hoping that he would be with me instead of that girl. Wishing I could trust him. But I can't. He lied to me. And now I'm not sure for how long he has been lying to me. Does he really love me? Even if he doesn't. Will he ever be able to love me again?
"Hey you there?" His voice pulls me back.
"Yeah, I am" I replied
"We'll talk once I'm back okay?" He asked softly.
Suddenly, I have nothing to talk about. The need to have and love him decreases the longer he stay there with her. I have nothing to talk about anymore.
"Okay." I replied, wiping my tears away, loosing the count of time I've done this.
"Bye." I added and don't wait for him to hang up.
I turn around and start walking back. A new motive set on my mind. I am adamant to complete it.
