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A thousand drums beat where no sound dwells

Tw: panic attack

He stands there at least a minute staring at the space where the captain stood, he shakes himself out of it and sits down on the ground in front of the oven not wanting to fuck up the task or worse, start a fire. Every ten seconds he looks at the clock to see if the ten minutes are up. He slowly grows nervous and his constant time checking doesn't really help and when the time is nearly his nervous energy grows to bland panic. He knows that the tray in oven would be hot so people wouldn't just use their hands to pull it out but what do they use?! If he hurts himself while pulling it out he just proves his parents right that he is a disaster and should never be in a kitchen. Maybe they are right, how can he not know this kind of stuff!? But then he spots a glove that looks like it could be used for that purpose . He shuts the oven off and pulls the try with the cookies out.

When everything is done he leats his breath, he didn't know he was holding, out. he didn't even notice that he got so tense, his hand find the kitchen counter and he has to hold himself up, his legs feel like jelly, he cant even say why he is so distraught from this, small spots appear in his Vision, its like he looks through a Smudged window, his knees buckle and he slide down at the kitchen island pulling his knees to his chest.

He can't breath.

why cant he breath anymore??

He needs air!

His mind goes in an overdrive his thoughts just multiply and at the same time he cant think one thing, he feels like a stranger in his own body, he just wants everything to stop!

his heart suddenly starts hurting, like it is on fire, he can even hear it in his head like a drum.

"Thump,thump,thump,thump,thump"

he needs to breath! he cant get any air in.

His hands find the way in his hair and he pulls he registers a small pain, feeling something again helps, he can feel air getting in his lungs his head falls in to his knees.

With one hand he try's to get the thing away that blocks his airways in front of his chest. He grabs on a fabric and try's to pull it away but all it does is bring it more over his face. Panic begins to settle in again getting more and more, suddenly he feels like he can breath again.

the more he breaths in, the more he feels his body relax, his vision begins slowly to come back, gone are the spots that were taking over, with each breath he takes a peace of himself puts itself together, finally his brain begins to settles itself again and Isaac is able to think straight again, he realises that the fabric he pulled over his face was the hoodie from buck.

He buries himself more in to the hoodie hiding himself in it, it makes him feel safe in a way he cant really describe.
Isaac slowly realises that he probably had a panic attack, and isn't that pathetic, he had it over cookies.
A tear slips down his face, what a loser is he even, he hides himself at his brothers workplace because he doesn't want to go home.

He really is pathetic.

still shaking he stands slowly up and goes over to the sink, leaning against the counter he washeshis face, his breathing normalising again.

His body feels as if it was put through the wringers or as if he had run a marathon , moving one foot in front of the other he walkes over to the couch and flops down, ready to sleep for the next 12 hours, even though he knows that he still has to go home this evening.

He sits there and stares into space until he hears the engine of the fire truck. He groans and starts the slow process of getting up, his body still not fully cooperating again. Isaac walks to the railing from which he can look down,from there he spots Buck his gear just exiting the truck, some dirt smeared over his face. One after another the rest of the team leaves the truck and puts their gear away, its really cool to watch what Happens after an emergency call, normally you only know what is happening on the scene. But his excitement from seeing all of it is gone because he isn't really ready to face them, he just wants to sleep. He is exhausted.

Bobby is the first to walk up the stairs and to greet Isaac "hey kid, everything alright?" Isaac turns to the captain and says " yeah, the cookies didn't burn..or your kitchen." That brings a small laugh out of the captain and Isaac cant help but smile back. "Im glad,then show me, the most important part is the taste test " bobby explains jokingly and Isaac nods and follows Bobby to the kitchen. He pushes everything that happened in to the back of his mind. "Uh something smells good hear" buck say's who walks in the kitchen right as bobby and isaac inspects the tray of cookies. "Here our master baker should taste them first." Says bobby and gestures to the tray. "Ok" isaac whispers nervously, what if he fucked the recepie up and know they taste horrible or he didn't let them long enough in the oven? But still he grabs one and slowly bites in it.

"Mmhh" It is so good, its nothing like the ones his parents buy in the supermarket for Christmas. "There really good" he finally says and sees embarrassed how both the captain and buck look at him, blood creeps in his face and he stutters out " you should also have some" "if the chef says so" buck says and eagerly leans over the kitchen island to take some. He watches as buck takes nearly the whole thing in his mouth, like the disgusting human being that he is, and waits for his reaction. "Thwere wreally good" he says with his mouth full and ruffles isaacs hair who slightly blushes under the prais. "Buck, "the captain sighs but continues "but he is right there really good kid." And how can Isaac handle all of this, why does everyone here tells him how he did something good! Really his mind cant handle any more of it, ""uhh thanks" he stutters out not able to look at one of the two. " i heard there are cookies here"Eddie says. Who by the looks of it comes fresh out of a shower. "Yeah you can have some if you want" Isaac answers and points to the tray. When he looks over to buck to ask him how there emergency was, he sees him watching Eddie eat his god damn cookie as if it was something else. Not able to watch the whole thing any longer, he grabs his brothers arm who startles and looks at him, "whats the matter ?" Buck ask and Isaac cant even really answer that, " you have to tell me how your mission went." Isaac answers and pulls Buck with him to the couch where he plumbs himself down next to buck. Bobby and Eddie still stand in the kitchen a bit bewildered but Eddie just shrugs with his shoulders.

"Buckleys" Eddie says as if it was the answer to everything and maybe it was.

"So why where you called?" Isaac ask his body melting in to the couch, the whole panic attack thing really did a toll on his body, Isaac realised. "Oh it was a house fire, A candle fell on a carpet, but we quickly got it under control but as soon as we tried to leave an old lady came to us and wanted our help with her cat who was stuck on her roof so we had to climb up there and get it down" buck explains and Isaac who was listening to him mumbled out " and did you get the cat down safely? " his body slowly losing his battle with gravity and slumping in bucks side, who didn't care or at least didn't move, Isaac really appreciated that because this was really comfortable. "Yeah we did get the cat down, Eddie just slipped and fell into a dirty puddle of water" buck chuckles. That caused Isaac to smile too and the vibration from bucks chuckle only pushes him further to the land of dreams. An arms goes around his back and pulls him down the rest of the way, he can feel bucks torso moving up and down from his breathing. A gentle hand goes through his hair, he never felt so safe and comfortable as right now. Even if he wanted to he wouldn't be able not to fall asleep, the exhaustion taking hold of his body and taking him under.

Buck strokes Isaacs hair and watches his brother drift off to sleep. watching him like this makes him realise how young his brother really is. He knows that his brother is like young but that just gives him a little reminder and a sour taste in his mouth because he didn't really had time together when Isaac was a child, he only saw him at holidays and know in his teenage years, he wished they had more time together but between his shifts and Isaacs school its hard to meet up nowadays, he still doesn't understand why there parents just shipped him of to some boarding schools when Isaac was younger and he knows they tried it again this year but Maddie and himself argued with there parents about it until they dropped the idea. Because otherwise they would never see each other like the years before. He still doesn't know why they did it , He has to ask Maddie the next time he sees her.

He keeps stroking Isaacs hair and when he looks up he sees Eddie with his phone out taking a picture of them. Buck just glares at him not wanting to to move to much in case it would wake Isaac up and Eddie has the audacity to laugh. "Its the revenge for all of the pics you took from me and Chris in this exact position " and fair enough he did take those.