Little Lux

15

October 16th, 2022 - Los Angeles, California

30 minuets later, Lux sat at the dining table, clutching a blue crayon as she draws August an 'apology picture' just as Vincent had suggested. The drawing was crude and messy with wobbly lines and imperfect shapes but it carried a type of sincerity that her words couldn't quite capture. She really did feel bad about what she'd done.

The picture depicted a shaky, stick-figure version of August, complete with a large smile and a heart drawn beside him. Beside that, another stick figure, her, stood holding his hand. Above them, the words "I'm Sorry" were scrawled in big, uneven letters.

Sebastian sat across from her, keeping a watchful eye on her movements as he replied to some work emails.

Her stomach was still twisted and tangled in a knot of emotions. Apologizing wasn't something she was used to, not in this way. She stared down at the picture, her fingers tightening around the crayon. It felt like such a small gesture compared to the way she'd lashed out, but it was all she had for now.

She didn't know much about what August liked but she knew he was fascinated by dinosaurs and all things involving aquatic life based on his outfits - which were often filled with dinosaur prints or little embroidered fishies. So she drew a few small colourful fish and also a made a poor attempt at sketching out a dinosaur-like creature.

Her hands were shaky and it was hard to draw nicely and neatly with crayons. The act of drawing was feeling more like a punishment than a gesture of kindness and apology. Each stroke seemed to make her feel smaller, like a child forced into apologizing for something she didn't know how to fix.

She glanced up briefly, catching Sebastian's watchful gaze. He didn't look angry or mad. His expression was pretty unreadable but Lux could tell that he was disappointed in her. The tension that hung in the air said it all. Her gaze returned to the drawing.

Her fingers tightened around the crayon as she continued to add little details. It was hard to hold back the tears that threatened to spill again, but she forced herself to finish the picture. She added a few more bright colors to the background—a sun, some clouds, and little stars scattered around the stick figures. It felt childish, and that was the point.

When she was done, she set the crayon down and stared at the paper. She didn't know if it was good enough, or if it could ever make up for what she'd done. Lux hated the vulnerability that came with apologizing. It made her feel exposed, like all her anger and frustration had been replaced by something even harder to deal with: shame.

Sebastian glanced at her, tilting his head slightly. "Finished?" he asked gently, his voice breaking the heavy silence.

Lux nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She pushed the drawing toward him, and he picked it up, studying it for a moment. His expression softened slightly, and he gave a small nod of approval. "This is a good start, Lux," he said. "I think August will like it."

Her stomach flipped nervously at the thought of giving the picture to August. She didn't want to face him, not after what she'd done. "Do I have to give it to him now?" she mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper.

Sebastian set the drawing back down on the table, sliding it back over to Lux. "Yes, you do," he said gently but firmly. "It's important to apologize, Lux. Not just for him, but for you too. I know it's hard, but you'll feel better once you've made things right."

Lux swallowed hard, her hands trembling in her lap. She didn't believe him. She didn't think anything could make her feel better right now. And for the first time since she arrived here, she found herself wanting her mom. Yes, she wasn't a great mom but Lux missed the way that issues or arguments were never this 'deep' with her.