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Silence has never been a friend to you.
It's why your life is so cluttered, you think; why your apartment is full to the brim with trinkets and things to look at. White walls do nothing but let your brain sit in deafening nothingness.
Jungkook's apartment facilitates silence to a degree that makes you severely uncomfortable. The walls are white, and the art is sparse. The colour is usually provided by you, or the food you're cooking together, or the shows you watch over a glass of wine. Sometimes, it's UNO cards, and other times, it's take-out boxes after a particularly brutal night at the dive bar you used to frequent together.
In times of Jungkook's absence, colour was found in the form of Facetime calls.
But now, you sit in silence; the colours and his calls muted.
It's a strange feeling, to be surrounded by empty echoes. Every now and again, goosebumps trickle over your skin just to let you know that yes, this is real life.
Yes, this is reality. Yes, the man who Jungkook is proving himself to be is not the man you thought he was. Yes, he's deliberately avoiding your chat thread. Yes, this is a new normal, and yes, you should get used to it.
There were times when being in his home was the only thing that would give you comfort after a long day at work, but now you're desperate to be back in your own space. All the time you spent missing his place seems ill-inspired. Why would you ever miss a place that makes you feel so hauntingly uncomfortable?
Your favourite game to play during these lonely nights is charades. Or rather, 'guess the mood'.
You sit with a face of thunder, look directly into the still-unplugged doggy cam, and dare it to magically turn on. You like to think Jungkook checks his app, even if he doesn't check your chat thread, and you also like to think he hopes it will be turned on.
If it was, would he be able to guess the mood you're conveying? Would he even care to play along?
These days, you're not so sure.
And bizarrely, you find yourself angry with this. Not with him, as such, but the promise of what you thought he was being ripped from you. He's proven himself to be just as shallow and selfish as his former lovers always claim. It's why you knew better than to get involved with him.
That, amongst a plethora of other, more mundane factors. His love for minimalism, for starters. His lack of willingness to 'waste' money on silly things just for the joy of childishness. His rigid approach to life; the law and order he abides and expects everyone else to follow, too.
He'd stifle you. Would dull your glow.
Or at least that's what Jungkook tells himself as he sits in his empty hotel room, nursing a lukewarm beer that has done nothing but focus him in on the one thing he was trying to forget about.
