Planet of the Girls

Chapter 3. The Strange Vehicle

Suddenly, Gerald and I found ourselves in a classroom-sized room full of weird machinery and gadgetry the like of which I had never seen before-not even on science fiction TV programmes. There were no windows to look out of and the whole place smelt strongly of peppermint. The man was still standing opposite us in his lime-green overcoat holding his mobile device.

"Oh my giddy aunt!" I naturally exclaimed. But Gerald just stood there with his jaw falling to the floor. A floor that was covered in a shallow swirling blue mist, a floor that felt smooth and hard like a carpet of steel beneath our feet.

"Do not panic, my little friends," the man said. "This is my vehicle, that is all." The man at least lowered his mobile gizmo and tucked it back inside his overcoat.

"But we're not used to being...erm...teleported," I protested, "as such methods of getting from A to B only exist in futuristic books and films."

"Yeah," piped up Gerald, "we can't afford to pay any fare either." Then Gerald said, "Ow!" because I kicked him in the shins.

"I asked you to help me," said the man, "and you agreed. All I want you to do is hold down that Navigation Stabiliser Lever." He pointed at a red lever sticking out of a mass of weird circuitry. I'd like to describe this mass of circuitry, but, well, it's pretty indescribable. Gerald, in one of his moments of inspiration as a writer, later described it as "a fragmented metally-plastically-crystally spaghetti of glows and wires", if that's any help. Just don't kid yourself that describes it well enough though.

"What will happen if we do hold down the lever?" I asked tentatively.

"My vehicle will function splendidly," said the man.

"The vehicle won't move will it?" I said. "My brother and I won't help if this vehicle is going to move off."

"I assure you the vehicle will not move off. It will not move anywhere. Not a single nanometre. When you both hold down the lever and I start the vehicle, its speed shall be zero." He said all this sounding as honest as a Sunday school teacher's white cotton socks, and for the first time since we met the weirdo, he smiled revealing his teeth. Teeth that were sharply pointed like a shark's. And to make matters worse a forked snake-like tongue wiggled for a moment out from between two of his upper fangs.

Gerald whispered to me, "There's something not quite right about this man."

"That's an understatement," I whispered back.

"Look at his teeth," added Gerald under his hand. "And did you see his tongue? One of his parents must be a lizard or something."

"Yeah, and have you noticed his unusual nostrils and his fingers?"

"I have now!"

"Aha, I see you are beginning to wonder about my appearance," correctly guessed the man. "But fear not, I will explain exactly who I am after you have helped me get my vehicle working. I am sure your curiosity will encourage you to help me," he said rubbing his hands enthusiastically.

Well, although I was feeling a bit scared of the situation I had found myself in, I was very curious, as the man had guessed. He was good at guessing things, I guess. I didn't know what Gerald was thinking but he didn't look that curious. He took out a packet of chewing gum and popped a chunk of it in his mouth. His mind seemed to be wandering. I could see he was thinking of offering the man some gum, so I decided to get on with things.

"Come on," I said to Gerald, "let's get it over and done with."

So we grabbed the red lever. It felt cold and metallic. We started pulling it downwards. It was heavy but the two of us managed it comfortably enough. Gerald's pretty strong, much stronger than me. We held it steady in what seemed to be its maximum down position.