Drug Addict || JJK☆

20. Guilty pleasure,

○● Jeon Jungkook ●○

What's this?

I place my palm over my chest as my fast pace slowing down, I can feel something heavy over my chest.

Areum!

My mind screams her name as I recollect what I just did with her.

My wife, Y/N's face appears on my mind, the guilt gawks in me.

Why? Why do I feel like this?

By my each steps, the weight heavies. I can literally feel the tightening around my heart.

No, I shouldn't be feel like this.

I try to push this thoughts away, as I straighten my back, my steps determining again.

The excitement I felt a while before, are all gone. Now I feel like I don't want to see Y/N, as if I am not deserve to even see her face.

It's not like we like eachother anyway? She just married me for my money. She is married to my money, not me.

That hardens my feelings as I feel right for what I just did.

And Areum?

She will get what she deserves. Those years of pain I went through because of her, and the cause of my addiction is her. That bitch. I will make sure to break every ounce of her.

I nod my head to myself as I reach the corridor where Y/N's class is.

By the time when I ends this torture with her, she will have nothing except her burdened soul that she only wish for death but shouldn't get that too.

I smirk at the thought as I reach the door of my wife's classroom, my hand pauses on the door knob.

Still,

I hesitate.

Thinking about Y/N, makes me feel the weight again.

As if I just ruined something whatever we had among us.

But what did we even have? No feelings, no love, no real relationship. Everything between us is just a show.

The kisses we have shared interrupts, blowing everything I just deluded to maintain myself.

What's the meaning of those? Those gestures can't just disappear without any explanation. We both know how we enjoyed them.

Even though, we haven't talked anything about it verbally. We know how it means for us. Those kisses has some meaning and really build something between us.

I sigh, my head is aching again. I feel my hands tremble. I know the sign.

I thought I would never feel this again, since I didn't feel this for almost two weeks.

I was wrong, always wrong.

I huff as I snatch my hand away from the knob, turning my heel before walking away from the classroom hurriedly, where someone is eagerly waiting for me.

I run to the restroom and locked myself inside a cubicle.

My breathe hitches as I sit on the toilet bowl, I hurriedly took out the package, which I always carry everywhere for some emergency like this.

I rip the cover with my teeth and pours some on my palm before closing the one side of my nostrils before sniffing through other.

There.

The feel. The feel where I don't feel my feet on the floor anymore.

Immediately forgetting everything except the feel of floating.

Regretting why I didn't do this for those two weeks when I could feel this pleasure without much struggle.

Why did I even come back to college?

I should've stayed home and just lived this way.

Peaceful and less bothered.

Why come here and get into such unwanted dramas?

I should just resign without noticing anyone.

Because if Justin heard about this, he will surely come to replace me and pushes me to live with the guilt that he is sacrificing his own career for my sake.

I chuckle, feeling the best feel ever as I close my eyes, embracing the place where I should be.

I can feel my mobile vibrates inside my pocket as I carefully closes the package and stuffs inside my pocket before fishing my mobile out.

Little wife: Are you okay?

I smile at her message. Is she the same woman I was forced to marry? Now she worries about me, wanna know about my whereabouts.

I type back, suddenly wanting to kiss her again, even though I'm on my high, satisfied by the pleasure until I remember her which I never felt before.

If I am on my high, I will always be satisfied. Expects nothing other than that but she..?

"No. I want to kiss you right now that it hurts so bad. Can you help, baby?"

She sees the reply right after, I grin as I can imagine her blushing at my sentence.

Shit! only if I had her here with me right now.

After a while, she types and soon I receive the reply.

Little wife: Are you on drugs again?

I feel sheepish that she calls me out so easily. She just find out with just one sentence. Am I too obvious?

I sigh, don't wanna reply to that, locking my mobile and stuffs inside my pocket.

Slowly coming down from my high, those raw feelings returns. Frustrations, guilt, hurt.

Maybe I should stay at home and ruin myself which suits me. I shouldn't deserve to live like anyone out here.