Zevki Sultan | 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐈𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐘

~ Chapter 27 ~

Nigar Kalfa found time to get back to me after all the drama that happened. My tears finally dried out and my heart was beating normally again, but it wasn't enough for Nigar Kalfa to raise her brows and with the usual careless air she possessed to ask,

"What got you into such a mess today?"

I crossed my arms. "The harem is sickening me. I feel like I can't deal with this anymore. My friend was beaten like an animal, and I'm supposed to stand by and watch as nobody cares? You all only acted because Hürrem was there. Otherwise you would have enjoyed seeing it."

Nigar winced at what I was saying, which sort of lead me to the conclusion that she must sort of understand that what is going on is truly terrible, but even if she did agree there wasn't anything to talk about.

She tugged my arm to sit beside her on the bed. 

"Look Francesca, I don't do this often but this once, I will tell you: it'll be alright. Alsu is recovering thank Allah almighty, and Hürrem is learning her lesson as we speak. But when you say things like the 'harem is sickening' do you really believe that? Do you think your own behavior is sickening?"

I opened my mouth to say indeed to the first part, but instead came out a sort of splutter. Instead I tried to change the topic again back to my friend.

"Oh thank goodness Alsu is alright." 

"Francesca, you must understand it is your own choice how to proceed in life. You are on the high horse compared to all the girls in the harem." Nigar drew a line across the air with her finger as if to demonstrate how many there were, and my advantage.

"At the end of the day, only you can decide if you keep wanting to push the boundaries, or simply give up. You won't be magically transported back to your old life no matter how hard you try. Things will never be the same."

Things will never be the same. I will never be the same. Only God will be the witness to my true self, no matter where I am, or what is to become of me.

I nodded and bit my lip in a sense not of the frustration that had been boiling inside me for the past hour, but another feeling- the emptiness, and the need to fill that up. I needed to do things in the spirit of my conscious, and that was to gain power and establish a new life for myself here. It was a difficult thing to think of, but I had to commit.

Sensing my line of thought, Nigar Kalfa took my hand in hers. She rubbed her left hand over my palm and inhaled deeply.

"It will be hard for you, but there is something you must do. You need to forget them. Forget your family, forget your home, forget the old Francesca."

Tears began welling in my eyes as I looked deeply into the dark brown voids of Nigar's. There was a slight twinkle I saw as we met in our gaze, and at that moment I realized we went through one and the same. Nigar also had to make this difficult decision. In fact, it wasn't a decision decided by us mortals, but rather our fate. 

I nodded slowly, my chin bobbing up and down as teardrops rained upon my lap and Nigar rubbed my back softly, muttering something that sounded like 'I'm sorry it has to be this way'. It wasn't her fault. But now I had something else to do.

I took my handkerchief from my pocket, a golden shade of yellow velvet, and wiped away my sadness from my cheeks. 

"Nigar, I want to go to the Sultan's again tonight. It is my perfect opportunity, now that Hürrem Hatun is out of the way, at least for the time being. Could you arrange it?"

The ends of her lips perked up into what appeared as a smile. It was Nigar, so of course sometimes it was a little hard to tell if it was happy or sad, but this time I was quite sure of the emotions she was feeling.