I Think I Like Him

32. The Danger Of Desperation

Word count: 1520

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The day of Buckbeak's sentence somehow came quickly despite the days crawling by. Days spent glumly watching Harry pretend he was a stranger.

That probably hadn't been too difficult for the raven, since Draco had consciously backed off after Harry shouted at him. Which had shocked Draco, if he was honest - because even when they'd hated each other, their fights involved spells rather than shouting.

But now everything was different. Even when they hated each other, there had been rules to it. In a fucked up way, it had been a game. Attack and defence, antagonisation and retaliation. But now, it was all up in the air - a terrifying ordeal of H's and L's. For Harry; Hate. Hostility. And Draco; Longing, Languish. And of course, that pesky 4 letter word that had been circling his head more than was sane. The word that had him freezing up at the sight of him, on June 6th. The day of the execution.

He could feel the shock in his expression, and so sharply blinked it away in the presence of Granger and Weasley.

Vincent and Greg began cackling once they finally clicked on to the three; instantly shoving Draco forward. The pair of them had dragged him down to the hill overseeing Hagrid's hut to watch Buckbeak get killed. Since he had begrudgingly stopped with the letters, he had no excuse to give them. So there they stood when the trio came stomping down the hill.

He glanced back at Vince desperately, who didn't notice his panic (predictably) and continued to shove him forward. He faced them, eyes downcast and unable to meet Harry's.

"Ah. Come to see the show?" It was a half-arsed comment that he couldn't find the will to deliver with any form of his usual snide. Granger and Weasley stopped to glare at him, while Harry didn't even falter; continuing his stride to stand right in front of him.

Draco still couldn't meet his gaze, which was undoubtedly what caused Harry to raise his wand. A chill passed through him, as the end pressed sharply into that soft crook just under his chin. Vince and Greg immediately stopped laughing. Even they could tell something was off.

But amongst that dull sense of fear, was the cutting spike of anticipation. He wanted Harry to hex him, and he didn't know why. Maybe it would be a form of atonement - making up for what he did to Harry. Or maybe he just missed the buzzing feel of Harry's magic surrounding him, and this was the only way he would get to feel it again.

And so he provoked him.

"What is it, Potter? Got something to prove?" When Harry didn't react, he pressed into the wand. "Do it. You know you want to. Hey, maybe if you kill me then Buckbeak will survive. Oh silly me! It's a done deal. He's practically already dead."

Harry's eyes went a painful kind of shiny before he dropped his wand and walked away. Draco became desperate, then. He was regretful before he'd even said it, but he didn't want to make him sad. He couldn't handle that. But what he could handle was rage - the same kind Harry would press into him those burning evenings of lips and panting and smoke. He wanted that again, no matter how he had to go about getting it.

"Yeah, Potter. Go and cry to Mummy. Oh, that's right. She's dead too."

Harry froze in his tracks, steam practically seething off of him. Just as he whipped around, however, Granger was darting forward and pressing her own wand into his neck. "You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!" He froze, stretching as far away from the wand tip as he could.

He definitely didn't want Granger hexing him, but he didn't disarm her, as he knew he could. Or even back away the few paces left between him and the large boulder behind him. Hell, his pride could probably be swayed enough to consider hiding behind Vince and Greg in dire situations like the one he found himself in. But after his last comment, there had to be retaliation on their part. He longed for that old game. He never had to feel guilty, because Harry gave as he got. But now something black and poisonous ravaged in his ribcage. He supposed the worst of it all was that he was certain he had said much worse to the raven, in previous years. The worst of it all was that the air between them was so cold, and uninviting, and dead - that it was as though nothing had happened between them at all. As though the last 9 months had been erased. Taken away from him.

Granger looked personally hurt by what he had said, which he supposed he should have foreseen. The trio were a hive mind when one of them was attacked. All of one brain, heart, and fist, he found - when Hermione reared back and punched him in the face. As his head jutted backwards, he caught sight of Harry. Remembered that day in the Great Hall when the raven had punched him for the Buckbeak incident. He didn't enjoy that sense of Déjà Vu, because that made him think of those lazy days in the hospital ward. - Don't get all sappy on me, Potter - Followed by that sugary routine of pressing and holding and kissing. He missed it so desperately it hurt. So fervently it was killing him.

He ran away, Vince and Greg in tow.

...

Harry watched him leave, feeling too many things to name. When they were out of sight, Hermione turned back to them. "I'm sorry. You were right." She had tears in her eyes, "I can't understand why he would do that."

And neither could Harry.

The first moment that he saw Draco, he had looked distinctly distressed. The second one, however, his face became unreadable. Closed off.

None of it was fair.

As Ron congratulated her on her right hook, they continued their journey to Hagrid's hut, to find that he had not been doing well. They sat with him as he dabbed at his big splotchy cheeks with a giant pink handkerchief. "I wish there was a way ter save 'im..."

The trio immediately glanced at each other, which Hagrid immediately picked up on. "No! Don't yeh go gettin' yourselves inter trouble, now. Dumbledore already did wha' he could, an' if he couldn't stop it then no one can." He sighed, "I know yeh mean well but this is how it has ter be."

"Scabbers!" Ron yelled, darting out of his seat. He, Hagrid and Hermione looked over at him in surprise; before seeing the rat for themselves; curled up in the man's milk jug.

As Ron cradled his pet, Hermione scoffed; "I told you Crookshanks didn't eat him."

"Why do you think he ran away?" Ron replied with a sniff, "He's terrified of that bloody cat! The only reason he hasn't been eaten is because he's too clever to get caught. Aren't you, Scabbers?"

The four jumped when the plant pot on the table shattered, and it was barely a second after that, that Harry felt the sharp pain of something hitting him in the back of his head.

He turned to look out the window to find Dumbledore, Fudge and an executioner with a large scythe walking up to the hut.

"Quick, out the back door!" Hagrid bellowed, urgently ushering them to the other side of his house.

"But Hagrid!" Said Hermione, fighting to stay in place.

"I'm sorry 'Ermione but there's nothin' yeh can do. I'll see yeh tomorrow. Hurry!"

They were pushed out the door just in time to run behind the pumpkin patch. As they all watched the three men walk into Hagrid's hut, Harry heard a gasp behind him, only to turn and see nothing but the trees. He and Hermione were then dragged away by Ron, back up to the hill. The scythe came down. Buckbeak was killed, and Hermione cried. It was not a good day, as he had already known from the minute he had woken up that morning.

The skies felt like they were growing darker and darker over Harry's life as the days passed. He missed contentment, just as he feared he would the moment he found it. It had been something he hadn't known existed, but now one he felt he couldn't live without. A constant, gnawing emptiness. He wouldn't admit he missed Draco. Because he hated him just as much.

AN- I'm sorry this update took a while! I couldn't get the tone of it right for the longest time, but I think I've finally gotten it right! (Also- you can tell this fic is starting to reach its end just from the sheer amount of references to earlier chapters! 20 points to your house if you noticed them all - because some are quite subtle) I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and thank you SO MUCH for all the votes and comments, they sincerely mean the world to me!