I Think I Like Him

30. Fortune Values The Brave

Word Count: 1188

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He was crying, when Ron found him. Harry skipped lesson and practically ran back to his dorm, curling up beneath the sheets.

The red-head had whipped open his bed curtains an hour or so later, "Why did- Harry?" He turned him over to see his face properly, "What's wrong? What happened?" A look of horror struck his face, "is it Black- oh, Merlin's fucking-"

"No-" Harry was quick to interrupt, "no, it's... it's nothing like that." What was he even supposed to say?

Ron wordlessly sat on the side of his bed, waiting. Harry's heart ached. "It's... I don't know. I really can't... can't, can't-" Harry's chest seized and his voice went far too high-pitched.

"Do you-" he looked panicked for a moment, "I'll get Hermione. It's okay, mate." Ron gave his shoulder a squeeze before leaving.

He came back with the witch a minute later, both out of breath. "Harry?" She puffed out, holding her side. "Are you okay? What happened?" Her eyes were caring. He decided (not for the first time, since knowing her) that Hermione would make a good mother one day.

"I don't know if I can tell you. I don't know how." He could feel his eyes watering again, and his friends went so blurry he could barely make them out, as though he had taken his glasses off.

"It's okay. We're here, Harry. Whatever it is, we're here. You know that, don't you? You must know that, Harry." She said it so easily, as though she were whittling on about something she'd read. Harry couldn't help but believe her.

He made a decision, then. One he hadn't really had the nerve to do, before that point. If everything was already collapsing around him, what was one more thing? "You have to listen to it all, though. You can't- you can't be angry until you hear the entire thing. You have to try to understand."

Hermione looked concerned, but she smiled reassuringly at him all the same. Ron just looked concerned.

"It was- erm, you know when I was in the hospital ward?" They nodded, "Well, I told you it was just some 7th year helping me. But I lied." They looked so confused, Harry almost laughed. He didn't, though. He couldn't find it in him to. Was he really going to do this? Well. They say that fortune values the brave, and he could do with a bit of fortune, if he was honest. So; he did what was Brave.

"It was Draco Malfoy"

The story went on, emotions high and constantly shifting. He had pictured it so many times, telling Ron and Hermione. All smiles, and blushing. Maybe Draco would have been there; holding his hand and kissing his knuckles. Never did he imagine dried tears and shaking hands. A grey room where Draco was the furthest he had ever been from him. Malfoy. Malfoy was the furthest he'd ever been.

But what made it worse was just how much it hurt, talking about their first kiss. And their second, third, fourth- it hurt because there wouldn't be anymore. Halfway through- when he was telling them about Christmas, before her letter had come, Hermione said, smiling, "It's real, isn't it, Harry?"

Harry wasn't childish enough to deny it. "Yea. I think I like him." He wished he didn't. He wished it so desperately that he nearly burst out with fresh tears, but he swallowed it down. He was used to things hurting, anyway. Especially when it came to Draco.

-Malfoy. Fuck, same thing.

Ron didn't say much, but Harry could tell he wasn't angry. Just, trying to understand. However, when he got to that morning- when he told them about the diary, Ron's eyes darkened. "He was the one who did that to you? He lied about it all this time-"

The raven only nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Oh, Harry! No wonder you're upset!" Hermione hugged him tightly. It was slightly awkward with his hands in his pockets, but he didn't have the energy to move.

Ron looked to be stewing over the information, then. Glaring into the floor, brows furrowed. "Don't do anything, Ron. I just want to forget this happened." When the red-head didn't reply, Harry added a desperate please on the end.

"Fine. But if he so much as looks at you the wrong way, I'll kill him." Harry knew Ron obviously wasn't serious, but he looked it, in that moment.

"Even though what he did was awful, Harry... from the sounds of it, he cares for you a lot. I don't think that was a lie." She wasn't saying it so Harry would forgive him, he knew. But she had seen the hurt in his eyes as he'd told them of the last few months. Of the smiling, the kissing, the blaze.

He wasn't sure if what she said was a comfort to him, or not. He supposed he had somewhat known that it wasn't all a lie. Even Draco Malfoy wasn't that good at acting. But regardless, anything real that may have been there, had been built on a lie. He didn't want to think about this. Everything just hurt so badly. It felt like he had reached the end of the wick; his flame reduced to a dying glow.

Harry had seen more than a few near-death experiences in his short life, yet he had never felt that he might actually just crumble to the floor and never get back up again, until then. Until Malfoy had stabbed him in the back. That was the expression, but it felt more like he'd slit his throat; looking him right in the eye. While holding his hand and kissing his knuckles. Blood warm, lips warmer.

"I- I like him so much. I want him so badly. I know I shouldn't, but I do." Both his friends wore solemn frowns, and they hugged him tightly; the three of them rocking back and forth as Harry, again, began to sob.

...

Draco had stayed in the broom cupboard for a long time; tears silently falling in the dark, where he could pretend he didn't exist. Endlessly floating in a black void. But his eyes wouldn't let him; constantly tricking his mind into seeing dim pools of green flashing in the dark. Raven hair charmingly tousled from Draco pulling at it. Brown freckles littering the curve of a button nose. A scar that could turn such a pretty face dangerous.

Maybe he was bad for Harry. Maybe he didn't deserve him. Fuck, he definitely didn't. Why did the world hate him? The Malfoy's were rich, yet Draco had never had anything so precious in his life. He was in idiot to have lost him, but maybe it was for the best. What would his father had done, had he found out? Certainly nothing good.

This voice of reason telling him to let Harry go didn't do much to stop his tears. To stop his need for the raven. He'd have to get him back. Somehow he'd have to get him back.

A/N- I didn't take six months to update!! Are you proud? Yes, I thought so. And do you want to know a secret? This chapter marks the beginning of the end of this story 🫢 but don't worry!! I have plans that I will let you all in on soon, I promise. I love you all ♥️♥️