Within the spaces

Episode 19

The morning after the emotionally charged shoot, Faye found herself sitting across from P'Wan in a quiet café. The atmosphere was warm and inviting, the gentle hum of conversations around them serving as a soothing backdrop. But Faye's mind was far from at ease. She cradled her coffee cup, her fingers tracing patterns on the ceramic as she struggled to articulate her thoughts.

P'Wan, perceptive as always, didn't waste any time. "You're quieter than usual, Faye. Something on your mind?"

Faye hesitated, her eyes flickering to the window where sunlight streamed in, casting light patterns on the table. She let out a sigh, her shoulders sagging under the weight of unspoken emotions. "It's about Yoko," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

P'Wan leaned forward, her expression gentle but probing. "I figured as much. The tension between you two yesterday didn't go unnoticed. What happened?"

Faye hesitated, glancing at P'Wan before lowering her gaze. "How was Yoko? She... she didn't look very good."

"She's okay. There's a lot on her mind as well," P'Wan responded gently, her tone laced with care.

Faye sighed again, frustration flickering in her eyes. "It's not just about what happened yesterday. It's... everything. Yoko and I -- there's something there, something I don't fully understand yet. But I'm not ready for it. Mentally, emotionally -- it's just too much."

P'Wan nodded, her expression thoughtful. "What scares you Faye? The connection?"

Faye stared blankly, biting her lip as she struggled to find the right words. "It's not just about the connection. Initially, everything was fun and frolic. But we're coworkers, P'Wan. This -- whatever it is -- it's complicated."

P'Wan nodded, waiting patiently for her to continue. Faye took a deep breath, her voice steadier now. "We're working together, sharing scenes, building this story. If I act on these feelings, or even if I don't -- there's a risk. What if it makes things awkward? What if it affects how we work together? I don't want to jeopardize that. Not for her, not for me, and definitely not for the project."

She paused, her fingers gripping the edge of her coffee cup. "I've always enjoyed teasing her, and when she teased or flirted back, it was just fun. That's who she is -- lighthearted, goofy, and so easy to love. But recently, it feels different. There's this unspoken shift. The way she looks at me now, it's like we've crossed some invisible line. What used to be playful has started to feel... real. And no matter how much I try to treat her like a nong, to keep it casual, I find myself blurring those lines."

Her voice faltered slightly as she added, "It's not just me. I think we're both struggling with it, and that scares me. Because it's not just about us - it's about the story we're telling and the professionalism we owe to each other. If we let this affect our work, it's not fair to either of us, or to everyone relying on us."

P'Wan's expression softened, understanding the weight of Faye's concerns. "That's a valid point, Faye. Navigating emotions in a professional environment is never easy. But you can't ignore what you're feeling either. You also can't put everything on Yoko for this. Suppressing it won't make it go away. Share how you feel, at least with me. That's a start. Only if you want to."

Faye looked down at her cup again, trying to avoid P'Wan's gaze. "I know. But I have not acknowledged what it is yet and I do not think I should. It's not just the professional aspect that makes me worry. It's everything else, too. My life is so public, P'Wan. People talk about me, judge me, analyze every little thing I do. My digital footprint is out there for everyone to see - me flirting with girls, dancing around, being this 'playboy' that people love to label me as. And Yoko, she probably knows all of it through the social gaze. It makes me insecure, thinking about how she might see me, how that might influence her perception of me."

P'Wan studied her carefully. "And you think that makes a relationship with her impossible?"

The word "relationship" made Faye flinch. It was as though it pierced a carefully built armor, exposing a vulnerability she wasn't prepared to face. Her heart sank, an ache spreading through her chest - a mix of fear, longing, and self-doubt. She wasn't sure if it was the weight of the word itself, the expectation it carried, or the realization that a part of her desired it despite everything.

Faye bit her lip, her gaze distant. "Not impossible, but difficult. I'm scared of ruining what we have. She's so different from me - her personality, everything. You know I'm a mess, P'Wan. When I'm around her, I feel happy, but otherwise my mind is never at peace. It's like I've left chapters of my life unfinished - chapters filled with guilt, regret, and sadness. I know how to love someone, but accepting love in return? That's hard for me. My world feels so small and chaotic, and I don't want her to feel like she has to shrink herself to fit into it. She has so much ahead of her, so much to explore and accomplish. I don't want her to look back and regret being part of my mess when this inevitably ends. And... I don't even know if I'm ready to step into her world."

P'Wan reached across the table, placing a reassuring hand on Faye's. "Relationships aren't about fitting into each other's worlds, Faye. They're about building one together. But it's okay to be scared. It's okay to take your time. Just don't let fear make decisions for you."

Faye met her gaze, the weight in her chest easing slightly at P'Wan's words. "I just don't want to hurt her. And I don't want to get hurt. I want us to go back to the way we were."

P'Wan smiled softly. "You don't have to figure it all out right now, Faye. Just be honest - with her, and with yourself. And handle it carefully. Talk to her when you're ready, and help her understand without hurting her. That's all you can do. Include her in your decisions. Don't overthink this."

The conversation lingered in Faye's mind long after they parted ways. She walked home, the afternoon sun warm against her skin, her thoughts a tangled web of emotions. Yoko's face flashed in her mind - the guarded expression she wore yesterday, the vulnerability in her eyes. Faye knew she couldn't avoid this forever. Sooner or later, she would have to confront her fears and talk to Yoko about it.

She took her phone out of her pocket, her hands trembling slightly as she stared at the screen. Her heart raced at the thought of the conversation that might follow, the confrontation she couldn't avoid. Finally, she typed out a message:

"Yo, are you okay? Can we meet?"