Only Drunken Words (Jimohnny)

Chapter Five: Jimmy

Johnny leaned away, and in the street lights, I could clearly see his exhausted facial features. His eyes were red and puffy, and his teeth harshly bit into his lip. I used my thumb to gently wipe away the tears, and Johnny sniffled loudly, as if in a response to my actions.

"J-Jimmy," he choked out, "I don't know what to do anymore."

The fear and sorrow in his eyes pained me. Yet, I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. I was clueless as to what to say, anyway.

"I can't live like this."

I felt almost uncomfortable, being unable to respond in any way. I just wrapped my arm around the younger boy, surfing my mind for anything to reply with.

"I'm sorry, Jimmy." He whispered, sending even more waves of shock and confusion through my tensed body.

"Why?" I asked, wiping more tears away from his cheeks.

"I'm sorry that I'm just throwing my problems at you. We just met, I shouldn't be doing this. But, I needed someone to talk to. I can't trust anyone anymore. I mean, I know you wouldn't hurt me..." For a moment, I thought I heard a tint of doubt in his voice, yet I just shook it off.

I sighed, "I don't expect you to be able to trust anyone, not after going through that. And listen, that's not your fault."

He laid his head back on my shoulder, and I tightened my grip around him. I pulled Johnny onto my lap, cradling him. As I whispered soothing words in his ear, I began to notice him calming down.

"But it is." He whispered, after several minutes had passed.

"What is?" I asked, having completely forgotten about what I mentioned before.

"My fault. It is my fault." He sniffled again.

I took a deep breath, "Johnny, how could what that man did to you have possibly been your fault? You were young. You weren't even strong enough to fight against him."

Johnny clenched my shirt with one hand, "I could've told someone. But he had to keep shoving it in my fucking head that it would only get worse if I told anyone." He let out more loud sobs. "But that's not true." Johnny continued, "If I would've just told someone then he would have gone to jail. He wouldn't have even known that I was telling people."

For a second, I almost felt tears stinging at my own eyes, "You were young, he scared you and he threatened you. You need to stop blaming yourself for what he did."

Johnny stayed silent, then spoke up after several moments, "I can't change the way I feel about this. I wish I could control my mind. To forget all about it. To stop blaming myself. But, I can't. I can't erase it all away, the way I've always wanted to. I can't control the way my mind works." His body tensed, as he clenched his fists in anger and irritation.

"I think you need to tell people now, though. You need to tell them who he is. He could be doing the same thing to more kids right now." I felt his body taut, and he began to tremble with fear.

"B-but I don't know who he is. I can't remember." He cried, leaning away so that he could look at me.

His eyes stared into me with exasperation, threateningly begging for me to find a way to rescue him. For now, I didn't mention therapy or any hypnosis that could help Johnny bring his memories back, though they were common options. I just held him, as he curled up in my lap once more.

Without even thinking, I kissed Johnny's forehead. Luckily, I don't think he even noticed. Eventually, his sniffles turned to slow, rhythmic breaths. I sighed, standing up and carrying Johnny to the front door.

"Johnny," I whispered, "I don't know where your room is."

He stirred, gave me directions to his bedroom, and allowed me to carry him there. Fortunately, I made it there without tripping or walking into any walls.

Once we were in his room, he mumbled, "Close the door."

So I did. Then, I gently laid him in his bed.

I was about to leave, when I felt him holding me back. I turned around, seeing that he had sat up and grabbed my wrist.

"Please don't leave me, Jimmy." He whispered.

And I didn't. I crawled into the bed with him, comfortingly wrapping my arms around him like I had done earlier.