addicts : jackgilinsky

tape 2 : 7.22.15 | 04

sometimes the
prettiest souls turn
into the ugliest
demons.

☢☢☢

it was one thing
being completely
indecisive ,
another suffering
from a mental illness
such as being
bipolar or even
being depressed for as
long as someone could
remember.

their was days
where she could smile
from time to time as
if she was perfectly fine
but we all knew she
continued to lie to
herself , telling
herself she was fine.

she would call
at two in the morning
screaming and
crying into the phone ,
she would call giggling
about the weirdest
things , she
would call as high as can
be and she
would call describing
every little
thing she adored about
me.

she would
sometimes rant
about sam and his
ways but
she continued to lie
to herself ,
convincing herself she loved
him.

we all knew
she wasn't emotionally
nor physically stable.

but every time
we brought up her
addictions she
would begin to
get angry ,
she would begin
to cry and scream while
she threw anything
in her reach.

* tears now run down
his face *

she would just
get out of control and it
hurt me seeing
her so hurt , so
angry with the world.

and as much as
i tried to stay strong for
her i couldn't it would
brake me , and
she would come to my rescue.

" then what. what
took place after? "

her mood
would change , swing
from one to another
in a matter of seconds.

the boys
would constantly pull
her in for bear hugs ,
always making sure she
knew how much
we truly adored and cared for
her.

always telling
her how much we loved her ,
it was a routine.

* sniffles while
lets out a small chuckle *

" and what would she
do as you guys
admitted this to her? "

she uhm she
shook off the thought ,
she feared it.

she feared getting
more attached than she
already was.

and that's when ,

* deep breathes ,
and more tears begin
to appear *

she uhm ,
when everything
went from bad
to worse.

" bad to worse? "

it wasn't
just her addiction
to marijuana anymore.

it wasn't just alcohol ,
wasn't getting high
every night because her
thoughts got the best
of her.

it was ,
so much more.

and we never
believed it could get
worse nor even farther.

but it did and
we uh
we were too late.

* the unknown man
let out a sigh , his throat dry
as he watched gilinsky
sob rather loudly
as his arms shook.
his body trembling , his head
resting and buried inside
his hands.
he sobbed , his breath
was heavy and it was
now too hard for
him to process the rest
of the information at
that time.

the nurses now struggling to
get him to stop his
horrid screams
and sobs.
johnson and nate
sitting outside ,

watched
as their dearest friend
was unwillingly
dragged back into
his cell. his arms tied up ,
legs kicking around the
place as he continued
to struggle to free himself.
they could hear him
scream and crying , a sound
so saddening , unexplainably
horrible.

nurses holding him
down , needles being
set up rather quickly while
he continued to
sob. his body tense yet
still shaking
uncontrollably.

" please just
let me see her. "

the nurse looked at
him in sympathy.
seconds later three pills
being shoved in his mouth ,
his coughing increasing and
within the blink of
an eye a needle stuck into
the crook of his neck ;

his body stopped.
he was out
for the moment.

the saddest thing being
that an emotionless
vanessa had been
told that
the love of her life
was doing fine.

and as heartbreaking
as it must be to
be lied to in such a cruel
way , she
truly believed it.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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