Weeping Beeswax

unnecessary

I just killed the hurricane bird, with a touch.  Is that really all it took?  Just a small bit of kindness to end its life?  I can’t believe it worked.  I'm not too upset, it was clearly suffering, death is always a mercy here.  But I didn't even try.  I didn't try with AM either, all I did was hug him once.  Is that how I kill?  Just being nice for once?  Everyone I'm kind to dies.  Everyone I care about dies.

This… isn't fair!  I don’t want to be alone.  Please wake up!  I don’t have anyone else.  Please bird?

…

AM, wake up please…

…I'm sorry…

Why do these things happen to me… why am I so unlucky.  I wasn’t a good person by anystretch of the imiginarion, but in a planet for of pedofiles and war criminals why am I the one punished.  As lowsy as a consoling method as it is, I used to be able to say that “Someone has it worse”  It never made me feel better, infact it made me feel guilty for being upset at all.  But now… No one has it worse than I do.  There's no one left to have it worse than I do.  Not now, not in all of history!  Only AM.  But he’s dead now.  Maybe he’s at peace, maybe he’s in hell.  I don’t know.  It's so cold…

The bird’s dead body lies motionlessly.  I’m I’m just a moggot.  Maybe one day I’ll emerge into a beautiful fly!  Heh.  Never a butterfly.  I miss butter.  I’m hungry.  I’ve been hungry for ages.  I’ll never taste butter again.  I have to eat from puddles…

PUDDLES!  SHIT! I gotta get down forom here!  I don’t want to dry out! Gosh I’m so high up.  Whatever it doesn’t matter.

Ooh its getting steep, but I’m still leaving a slime trail, which is good.  I haven't dried out yet.  Or… Frozen?  Why haven’t I frozen yet?  I’ve been in the north pole for hours and I’m still gooey.  I guess I’m freeze proof, AM couldn’t risk me falling down and shattering.  But wouldn’t I survive that?  I guess not, maybe that's my weakness!  But this is as cold as it gets so I can’t die here.  Maybe if I somehow launch myself into space.  Oh gosh but it could be trillions of years before I crash and shatter, my odds are even worse if I get sucked up by a gas giant or blackhole and get compressed for eternity.  Even if I do crash, either the speed, atmosphere, or both, will probably warm me back up onto a different planet.  But would that be so bad?Earth is already an uninhabitable wasteland, I wouldn’t mind checking out Mars.  But still, I wouldn’t die.  I think my best option would be to shoot directly at Pluto, then I’d probably shatter.   If I ever find a rocket ship that's the first thing I’m trying. Though realistically, how long would it take to get there?

“10 years”

Oh thanks.  That's not too bad.  Being alone in a rocket ship for a decade isn’t nearly as horrid as being alone under Earth for eternity.  Though being alone in general is terrible.  It’s normal to want some “me time”  But I’m completely isolated.  I hate being alone, I don’t have anyone to talk to.  I just keep rambling on and on about absolutely nothing!  Gosh I wish I could at least talk to myself, but I don’t even have that.  I just have my brain.  Sometimes  I wonder if my thoughts are still in English, or if my brain made an entirely new dialect or language just for me over the years, I know an isolated group of people can cause a new dialect.  I’m sure me and the others spoke our own unique tongue. But being completely alone for ages.  Makes you wonder, huh? 

Oh look at the floor!  It’s covered in meat!  Dead meat, so much, so tender.  Fuck I’m so hungry!

But of course it's rock hard and frozen, just my luck!  Man, I wish I had a mouth, maybe I’d be able to chew on it like its rock candy.  I can’t absorb this!  A bajillion years of that bird existing just for its meat to be inedible!  AM is torturing me from beyond the grave!  This reminds me of when we went all the way to the ice caverns-ICE CAVERNS!