Lovingly, not yours.

Entry #2

Entry #2 "The night after the first Potion's class"

Date: 30.03.1991

Dear Diary,

Today will not be something that I'll look back upon fondly but I perhaps won't be able to forget anytime soon either. It's taught me certain things that I know I shouldn't forget but I may. Afterall, what I am but not a man?

He was a frightening man unlike what father described him to be. He wasn't hurt, Professor Snape, he was broken and he refused to heal himself. He isn't someone, you or anyone can help father. He's went mad perhaps. Is this what it means to be held up with the past? A past that is neither forgettable nor changeable... if this past was a cherished one, forgetting it would be a shame and if it was a dark one, forgiving one might be the action that we, who remain tangled in it, should do. This should be a sin too, to hold onto something that is long gone and was inevitable, and cause yourself harm because no matter what no one deserves to live in pain. 

The worst and worst of villains at some point were also people who could've been guided to the light, but they couldn't be brave and realise that for everyone there is someone. So future me, if you stumble upon someone who's hurt don't console them with 'everything will be fine' it takes a long of time and support to actually see that when you are hurting, so just ask them to hold on and be brave, extend a hand forward and a someone would come and save them.

And Blaise Zabini, his skin was pretty and mesmerising like some vast expanse of molten dark chocolate was what covered him. But he too, isn't someone I'd ever like to be an acquaintance of. He's arrogant, prideful and simply a pathetic bastard who is caught up in himself and his stupid mentality of blood supremacy. Oh how I loathe it all.

I suppose Hogwarts has aged me with the widening of my interactions with humanity. The realisation was hard that the small world that I loved and lived in, was just an escape. There's far too much evil in the world for humanity to gain redemption, and alas I am far too young to save anyone but myself.

Prejudice. Discrimination. Segregation. I wonder why any of these is necessary since at the end of the day we are all nothing but lumps of fat covered in skin, though even if the destiny we write is different, don't we all simply die in the end?

I think you will be disappointed in me mother, but I have turned exactly how brother predicted I would be. I am too much of a coward to be myself, so I just mask it with a perfectly crafted Odele for the world to see and smile. 

"In the roses shall my soul be cradled, the fragrance reminding me of the youth long gone and the thorns picking at my flesh with reality."

Hi, thank you so much for reading this special episode and though this was heavy on the angst I shall be posting another special soon after this. And happy new year to everyone. 

May this year we all achieve what we have dreamt of. May our dreams come to fruition of our work.