The "Somewhat" Nanny

Word Vomit

You know how you do or say something really embarrassing and you wish you could just sink into the ground, but then you realize that it was only a dream so this HUGE wave of relief washes over you? Well that didn't happen. It wasn't a dream. I really just told this man that I would like to sniff him.

"Uh.....what I meant to say is um.....Could you repeat the question?" ,I stammer like an idiot

He chuckles and says "How many fingers am I holding up?"

'Ok Shay' I think to myself 'Don't embarrass yourself.....again' I take a deep breath and say,

"You're like one of the sexiest dads I have ever seen...I mean no! You're hideous! Not hideous! You're hot! So hot like my goodness! I mean four! You have up four fingers!"

'WHAT is wrong with me? I have verbal vomit spewing from my mouth!'

"Daddy she's weird", the little girl tries to whisper

"Shut up Dweeb! That's not polite to say in front of her! She probably doesn't know that she's a freak", the little boy whisper yells

'I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear that'

"Um miss? May I ask your name?", the sexy dad asks me.

"Shay. My name is Shay. Listen I am really sorry about me saying all that. I don't know what's gotten into me. I never say things like that. Except this one time in the third grade when I told Danny Franklin that he had the nicest ....and I am rambling. I'm sorry. Again. I talk when I get nervous. I'm just going to shut up and leave now", I say awkwardly.

When I try to get up this time he lets me, but before I walk away he stops me.

"Hey Shay. Let me drive you home. It's the least I can do", he offers.

"No thank you...", I realized he hadn't told me his name

"Oh. Please forgive me. My name is Derek and these two little devils are my children Jake and Lily" , he says

"Well it was nice meeting you guys, but I better get going" 'Before I make a bigger fool of myself' I think.

"I insist on letting us drive you home. It's getting dark and I wouldn't feel right letting you walk the streets of New York by yourself." He urges.

I hesitate for a bit, but he makes a good argument. "Ok. Thank you. That's very nice of you" I reply with a smile.

When we're all buckled up in the car, I give him directions to where I'm staying.

He has a puzzled look on his face and says, "That's a hotel..."

"Yea I know" I reply "I'm apartment hunting. I just graduated from college and I stayed on campus all four years. So until I find a job and an apartment that hotel is home".

"You talk funny", Lily states.

"Lilian that is not polite" Derek scolds.

"No it's ok. I'm not from here Lily. I'm from the South" I say.

"Like where there's no internet and stuff?" Jake asks.

"Jake!" Derek says.

"What? I heard some kids talk about it at school. There is no internet and everyone is barefoot and dumb....I mean except you Shay." Jake explains.

"Well that's not true. We have internet and there are a lot of smart people in the south with shoes", I laughingly say. These kids are a little rough around the edges, but I guess it's the New Yorker in them. Either way they're adorable.

"Well this is your stop" Jake says with a smile

"Thank you so much. Nice meeting you Derek. Nice talking to you Thing One and Thing Two. Catch you guys around" I get out the car and head to the entrance of the hotel. And right when I make it to the steps, I fall. Good thing is I don't think that anything is broken. The bad thing is Sexy Dad Derek and the two munchkins just saw me greet the ground with my face.

'Just great'