An unforgivable kind of love (Completed)

An unforgivable kind of love- chapter 6

Phil's eyes were fixed on his laptop, but his body all to alert and ready to move if Dan decided to make a sudden appearance at the door.
This was risky and Phil knew that more than anything.
Hastily clicking on the internet icon, the familiar google page propped up and Phil's fingers hesitantly lingered over the keyboard for a moment, before he finally typed in:
"Advice for people who abuse their partners"
He was chewing on his lip anxiously, eyes scanning over the thousand of results that appeared instantly. He could feel a sharp lump jab at his throat, like if he was going to swallow down he'd choke.
And then there were tears flooding out of his eyes, dripping quickly down his cheeks and wetting the keyboard, his eyes blurring and stinging.
Typing that sentence meant he'd confirmed it, even after many months; he thought it was just a small phase Dan would get over. But now it wasn't and Phil knew very well the act could only be ruled under as abuse.
But all Phil could think is how did that sweet, cheery boy he fell in love with evolve into a terrifying dark figure of violence and hatred? He didn't think it was humanly possible, and some part of him wanted to just wish it wasn't Dan at all, like someone else had just took power of his body completely. Maybe then he could learn to accept it.
He aimlessly clicked on a page that looked reasonably helpful, being met with a lengthy paragraph of tiny writing and a bold header reading "Stuck?"
And Phil sort of agreed, yes he was stuck. Stuck with love. Stuck with hurt. Stuck with life.
The article wasn't really that much use, although it did mention something about anger management therapy. But why was Dan always so angry? And as Phil pushed his sleeve over his cheek to dry off the tears he realised that maybe it was him.
Maybe it was him driving Dan into this twisted character. Maybe it was something he was doing wrong.
Lips still pulled tightly between his teeth, Phil just stared blankly at the web-page; all the text overlapping and blurring through his watery eyes.
He knew this was useless research, because whatever he would try and do; Dan would never change. As much as Phil would try and get him to love him back, Dan just seemed programmed to hate with a passion.
And he was too absorbed in this trance, to hear the sudden creak of the floorboards across the lounge, shoe clad feet staking slowly across the wood floor. It wasn't until Dan shadowed over him, Phil suddenly stopped looking, a sharp gasp immediately blocking his throat and his head feeling overly light as he noticed Dan inches away.
His eyes were frosted and dark and narrowed, his tongue was in his cheek and a not-so-satisfied expression sat on his face, and Phil could only feel guilt and fear pound through his body and make him sweat.
He anticipated in clicking off the web-page, but surly that would make the whole incident much more suspicious. So his fingers didn't move, they stilled nervously over the keys.
The tension was deafening, even though the room was silent. And then;
"What are you doing Phil?"
Phil's heart thudded into his throat, what could he possibly say?

Oh I'm just researching about how to get you some help because you're a crazy ass motherfucker who constantly beats the shit out of me for no reason.
But although his lips were parted, nothing would come out. Bleak silence. Silence that made Dan's expression twitch with anger, his face screw up at the muteness.

"Are you fucking deaf Phil, what are you doing?" Dan repeated, his tone was slicing and Phil inwardly wished he was deaf so he didn't have to hear such a venomous voice.
Silence. Phil's stomach was knotting and burning and his hands were trembling because he knew what was coming and the thought made him want to be sick.
And with that, Dan snatched the laptop from the unprotesting lad, who's pale face sank whiter, painted over with worry.
His eyes flickered over the web-page with grimace, he was laughing wickedly and low to himself and shaking his head with dismay; as if he found the entire matter amusing.
But then Phil observed the softening of his features, he watched how Dan began to bite lightly down on his bottom lip, becoming much more indulged in the text. Phil swallowed back the terror, still glued to the sofa though; he didn't dare to move.
Dan set the laptop down on the table, and Phil could only watch with shifty eyes how Dan paced calmly around the room, as if he was thinking about something discreetly. He was rubbing at his temples in some kind of distress, head dipped down and eyes shut tight.
Maybe that article had touched him.
And then Dan stopped, eyes falling back on Phil. They weren't filled with their usual poison, their usual hate. They appeared warmer, clear, cinnamon dusting over the usual dark that settled there.
He beckoned a finger slowly to Phil, and he watched with wide-eyes. Even though Dan looked different, Phil was still scared.
"C'mere Phil" Dan whispered, and Phil nodded cautiously to himself in reassurance, slowly pulling himself up from the sofa, bare-feet padding warily over the wooden floor nearing the younger boy.
Dan sighed mildly when Phil stood inches away; fear still racking through his entire body but he'd somehow managed to pull himself together, and even gained the confidence to let himself flash a nervous, half-smile to Dan.
Dan reached his hand out, the pads of his fingertips scraping smoothly over Phil's perfectly sculptured jawline - and Phil couldn't help but flinch and instinctively grip his eyes shut at the touch, expecting nothing but pain.
But Dan was soft, he let his thumb swipe gently over his rosy lips. It was nothing like Phil had experienced for a long time. The touch was caring and delicate, it made his stomach flutter and a sad smile twitch his lips.

"Phil you know-"

Dan swallowed down like something was clamming up his throat, his voice broke in a way Phil had never heard before. Was he crumbling apart?
"You know I love you right?" He managed, although his voice was weak and croaky and tears were threatening to spill in his eyes. Phil had never seen him like this, never in his life. He didn't even know Dan had this emotion.
How could one inflect so much pain to someone they love with ease and not cry? It was simple, they couldn't cry, or they didn't love. And Phil had kept with the hope that Dan did love him and he guessed he just couldn't cry.
But here he was, tears pooling in his eyes; swimming with nothing Phil could read but sadness and self-hate.
So maybe It was the other reason, maybe he didn't love him. But that lead it to the matter of why he was crying now. Maybe it was just hard guilt and a whole lot of realisation.
Phil just stared blankly, but finally gave his head a nod, tears swelling at his own eyes too.
"It hurts me to hurt you, it doesn't mean anything when I do it, I'm stressed; I'm just fucking stressed I need help Phil, please, I need help," Dan struggled, his voice was hitching with sobs and tears began to roll down his cheeks and Phil could do nothing but stand and cry too because he was right.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Phil, please don't hate me, please,"
He sounded hopeless and destroyed and Phil could do nothing but shake his head at the remark. He could never hate Dan, no matter how bad it got.
Dan carefully wrapped his arms around Phil , pulling him to his chest as they both sobbed helplessly into each-other. His face was nuzzled into Phil's hair, inhaling the sweet scent he'd craved for the past year. It was calming but feeling the older boy cuddle and sob into his chest as he wound his fingers through his hair made him feel nothing as cold as guilt.
But for the first time in months, Phil felt safe.
And when Dan pressed a kiss to his forehead, he could feel his skin melt. His chest was swelling and a small smile cornered on his lips because he knew maybe it was going to be alright from now

A/N OMG AN UPDATE!!! It's a miracle!! :3 sorry I've been away for like seven centuries, I've been really busy with school and stuff, but I'm good now. I have a few assignments and stuff to do, but that shouldn't get in the way to much ^_^ anyway truth or dare isn't getting an update for a while 😒 I just have really bad writers block. 😭 but it should go away soon! Love you snowflakes xx ❤️