What's Killing Marilyn Monroe(JamesDean/MarilynMonroe FanFic)

Chapter Four

"Have you lost your damn mind? Running away and not telling anyone where you were going?! How could you be so careless?" Arthur's voice was like heavy thunder. Marilyn sat on the edge of the bed like a child, looking down at her hands that sat in her lap. "Do you know how much that day of not filming is going to cost?" Arthur continued to rant, "It's coming from my pocket Marilyn! Mine!" Marilyn slightly jolted as the 'mine' was emphasized louder than the rest of his words. Arthur pulled his glasses off and ran his hand down his face with frustration. He set his hands on his hips and looked down at the floor. He knew how sensitive Marilyn could be and he was trying his best to calm down now. "Why?" Arthur spoke calmly, "Why did you run off?" Marilyn looked up at her husband teary eyed. "...I was so tired, Arthur," she admitted, "I had been working all day. I just wanted to relax."

"Relax?" Arthur repeated, amused, "You're an actress Marilyn! All you have to do is stand there and look pretty like you always do! It's no real work. You aren't the president for God sake." Marilyn became angered at his words. She stood up, bawling her fists. "Well maybe I'm tired of everyone thinking that's all I'm good for!" she exclaimed; finally raising her voice, "I'm more than just a pretty face, Arthur! You of all people should know that, dammit!" Marilyn walked out of the room hastily and slammed the door behind her. Arthur shoved his glasses back onto his face and sat down on the bed in front of him.

Marilyn raced downstairs to the back door, and threw it open; running out to the garden that was her backyard. She stopped in the middle of the garden with tear stained cheeks. "I hate it here!" she shouted at the top of her lungs, "I hate it!" She fell to her knees; her hands cradling her head as she sobbed. The thought of Jimmy ran through her head. Everything that used to be, came rushing back. She was never unhappy with Jimmy. Not once had he stopped treating her like a real queen. But her pride and intentions had ended everything they had. And even after all of these years, Jimmy wasn't bitter towards her. He was still kind and warm. She missed his touch. She missed his lips. She wanted it all back. "Mrs. Miller?" a voice spoke to her, "Are you alright?" Marilyn looked up at her gardener, Julie, and shook her head. "It's been a long day." Marilyn stammered. "Would you like to get inside and maybe have some tea?" Marilyn, again, shook her head as she laid down on the grass underneath her. "Just leave me here to die." she said as tears rose to her eyes once more. The gardener was hesitant to leave Marilyn all alone by herself. Worried that she might hurt herself, Julie grabbed Marilyn by the hand. "Come on inside, Mrs. Miller." she cooed. Marilyn slapped her hand over her face. "Oh! Will you stop calling me that?! I said leave me!" she barked; pulling her hand from the gardeners grip. Marilyn never did like taking Arthur's last name. Only because she never felt like his wife. She felt more like his slave and prisoner. Julie, in fear, decided to leave Marilyn alone and get back to her gardening while the sun was still up. Marilyn stayed lying there until she eventually she became all cried out. There were nothing left, but the sniffles.

Footsteps approached the young actress; brown suede shoes faltering beside her. And without even looking at him, she knew it to be her husband who was standing over her now. "Are you done throwing a fit?" he asked almost mockingly. "Leave me alone, Arthur." she said in a soft saddened tone. "I guess not." he replied. But Marilyn said nothing at all, and just kept her eyes on the waves of color in the skies that were caused by the evening of the day. Arthur let out a rough sigh. He was becoming very impatient with her and he wasn't sure how to handle it anymore. He knew the best thing to do was to give in to Marilyn. It was the only way any of them were going to get any peace. Arthur knelt down beside her and ran his ran over her soft hair. "I'm sorry, Marilyn," he said; pushing aside his pride, "I was just worried about finishing this movie." Marilyn rolled her ocean blue eyes. "Well it seems that's all you're worried about." she grumbled. "I know," he agreed, "And for that I am truly sorry... Look, Marilyn, I love you. I just - I don't know what came over me. It's all this stress. Now, I promise I won't be so hard on you anymore." There was a gleam in Marilyn's eyes as she quickly looked up at her husband. "You won't?" she asked innocently. "No." Arthur confirmed gently. "You have to swear that you won't be so mean and pushy, and you won't make me do things that I don't want to do. Pinky swear." She held up her small pinky to Arthur, causing him to smile. "Yes," he said wrapping his pinky around hers, "I pinky swear." Marilyn lightly smiled. "C'mon," Arthur said as he stood to his feet, "Let's get inside." He pulled Marilyn to her feet and kissed her on her small button nose. He held her by the waist as they slowly walked back towards the house.

Marilyn laid on her side, watching Arthur sleep that night. She knew in her heart that she had made the wrong decision when she chose him over Jimmy. And she thought about the way Jimmy still made her smile with his signature James Dean wink. He was the man that she had loved. He was the one that had gotten away. Now, after many years, it was too late for reconcile. It was much too late for anything. But seeing Jimmy again and talking to him like they had never even parted felt like home; and Marilyn was homesick. She rolled over onto her back and sighed softly under her breath. The thought of how things might've turned out if she had stayed with Jimmy ran through her mind. Would she be happy? Would Jimmy eventually turn into a work pushing man like Arthur? Or would it stay as it had with them in love? When Marilyn had walked away from Jimmy that day, she promised herself that things were going to be the best they had ever been for her. Thinking about it now, she couldn't help but hate herself for even thinking anything would be alright without Jimmy. Nothing in this life of fame and luxury made her feel sane anymore. It felt like she was trapped in nonsense, surrounded by people who just cared about getting their share from her. No one cared about who she really was or what she felt. No one understood because no one ever asked. They just all assumed that she were okay and fine with this lie she was living in. Marilyn sat up and gently got up from the bed. She tip-toed to her closet and opened the doors slowly; trying her best not to wake her husband. Marilyn closed the doors behind her, softly, and flicked on the light switch in her closet. Marilyn pulled out a small box that was hidden under a pair of black pumps, and sat on the floor just before opening up the wide box. Inside held memories that she couldn't forget even if there wasn't evidence of it ever being. And his face that covered every picture only made her feel an ache in her heart. They looked so happy. She looked so happy. Marilyn picked up one of the pictures and caressed his face as if she could feel his skin. It was a single picture of him that she had taken. He was sitting on his motorcycle with a cigarette in his mouth. His short blonde hair blowing back from the breeze that had come to cool that summer's day. A breeze Marilyn could still feel caressing her skin. She smiled to herself and set the picture down, only to pick up one of many letters. It was the first letter he had ever written to her. It was their first time apart in months. They had been in different states doing different low budget movies at the time. Jimmy was acting in some racing movie, and Marilyn had been in some musical. It was before she had made it to stardom. The musical was never a hit, but at the time, she was taking all she could to get her name out there. Marilyn could still feel the excitement she had felt in that moment when she had received the letter. She unfolded the frail paper that read:

My beloved Marilyn,

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you. I guess I was wrong when I said being away from each other wasn't going to be as bad as we thought. I hadn't realized how difficult it would be not seeing your beautiful smile everyday. Not waking up to you kissing me, is the weirdest thing I've ever had to go through. I can't get you out of my head. The other day at rehearsals one of the actors asked me if I was okay. He said I seemed upset. I told him I was fine, and I acted like some mocho-man. Truth is, I'm aching for you. It's like I'm homesick. I miss our bed. I miss the feel of you Marilyn. Write back soon, alright? I'll call you as much as I can, and I want you to do the same. I love you. Keep thinking of me.

Forever yours,

Jimmy

Marilyn held the paper to her chest and let out a quivering breath. She couldn't get over him. She couldn't let him go. At the same time, she knew she needed to move on. She broke his heart, and she knew he would never actually want her back. Tears slipped from her eyes, though, she tried to hold them back. It was no use. She folded the paper back up and put it down in the box. How did this happen? she thought to herself, How did she let this happiness die? What a fool. Dimly, she closed her eyes and exhaled. She just wanted her life back.