Attent¡on

⫷11⫸

Drawing in a sharp breath, Hyunjin finally musters up the courage to look him in the eyes. He doesn't utter a single syllable for a while and so does Felix. They merely hold the eye-contact, the shorter slowly realising that the other is trying to convey his message through expressions: a stark no, clouded under thick layers of hesitation, guilt and the countless unsaid "sorry's" embossed all over his face, bold enough to scream without a sound.

Feeling let down, Felix sighs out, "So, you really don't trust me."

As expected, the taller scrambles to clear the misunderstanding. "No! I... it's not like that at all. Try to understand, please Lix. I trust you — more than I trust myself. I swear."

Done with all the excuses and lies, Felix raises an eyebrow and snorts. "Oh yeah? Then what's the problem? Or are you just chicken, as usual?"

His glare softens as he notices his boyfriend's eyes glistening in reaction to his harsh words and tone.

'For the love of tiktok, calm down.'

Hyunjin's voice wavers, struggling to hold back tears as he speaks. "I'm sorry you felt that way, but Lix, this really has nothing to do with trust. Honestly, I'm just... really overwhelmed right now. Like, we're finally official, and that alone is a lot to process. I'm not sure I can handle anything more intense at the moment. You get what I mean, right?"

Tad skeptical of whether the taller is making another excuse of his to avoid getting into deeper stuff or genuinely feeling this way, Felix nods anyway instead of voicing out his lingering doubts.

"I... I don't want to disappoint you or mess up your mood, Lixie. I'm sorry but I don't think I'm mentally ready for more yet. I trust you completely — it's beyond question. If it was any other day, I'd be all in. But right now, I'm just going through an emotional overload, and I'm afraid I wouldn't even enjoy it. Please understand and don't be mad at me."

The Aussie shakes his head, pushing himself up and shifting around to sit beside Hyunjin on the bed, abandoning his previous position sprawled above him. Lying there felt pointless, like climbing a mountain for taking pics, only to find the view obscured by clouds.

With a subdued sigh, he finally speaks, his tone quieter now, but the weight and truthfulness behind his words unmistakable.

"You're scared."

Hyunjin blinks at him, his brows furrowing as he hastily responds. "I... What? No! Why would I be scared? And of what?" His voice pitches slightly higher than usual, and he tilts his head in mock confusion, the picture of innocence.

Under different circumstances, Felix might've melted by how unintentionally endearing Hyunjin looks. But not now — not with the tension hanging heavy between them like a glass teetering on the edge of a table, just on the verge of dropping. It only feels like another attempt to deflect.

He doesn't buy the answer, his eyes fixed on his lover, daring him to stop pretending. "Jinnie," says the shorter, his tone firm but not unkind, for he can't afford to let this special day fall apart. "Cut the act. You can't fool me. I know you better."

Ignoring the other's cute offended expression, he presses on: "You're scared of the fact that since you're totally inexperienced, you might not do good enough for me. And as far as I know you, I can tell your pretty head must've been overthinking it. What? Are you worried I won't be satisfied and will end up leaving you for someone else, thinking you're not interesting enough?"

Hyunjin stares at him, wide-eyed and gaping like a fish out of water, absolutely caught off guard by the words thrown at him. For a moment, he looks utterly stunned, as if his brain has short-circuited and left him incapable of forming a coherent response.

After few seconds of awkward recovery, he finally manages to tear his gaze away, breaking the intense eye-contact. His voice comes out quieter than usual, almost hesitant, as he replies, "Yes and no."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Felix asks, trying to hide the mild amusement at his boyfriend's reaction from his tone.

"I mean, you're right — I am scared — but not for the reasons you think. Those aren't the main cause. It's… something else entirely," the taller admits briefly, his face flushing a deep red as he focuses on his fidgeting hands resting in his lap, nervously biting his lower lip in obvious embarrassment.

'Oh, I see.'

The Aussie tries to avert his gaze away from Hyunjin's last action but fails miserably and decides to keep staring. As tempting as it is to give in to his intrusive thoughts by replacing the other's teeth with his own, there are more important matters at hand that demand his attention.

He clears his throat, mostly to regain his grip on the situation, before beginning, "You really are something else. There are people who are afraid of staying with the "virgin" title, and here you are — scared of losing your virginity."

"I... yeah. I know it's stupid but... you know how sensitive I am. I just need time, Lix. Just a little time for this huge step. Please."

Knowing Hyunjin prefers more emotional bonds and deeper connections in the form of intimacy over physical contact, Felix nods. Besides, he doesn't want to give the impression that he's only after the other's body, because that would be a blatant lie, but this pretty boy tends to overthink everything as his pastime.

"Thank you for compromising and being the best boyfriend I could ask for." the taller expresses with a smile so breathtaking, it feels like it could stop time and melt the glaciers.

Felix can't help but mirror the gesture, but before he can fully register the moment, he feels a sudden weight in his arms. The taller has practically thrown himself into his embrace, wrapping his arms around him in an unspoken apology, seeking comfort and reassurance.

"I'm sorry," Hyunjin whispers softly against his ear, and Felix can practically hear the pout in his voice.

'Seriously, how is anyone supposed to stay mad at someone who is so adorably sorry, acting like the world's cutest mess?'

The Aussie chuckles, his heart softening, as he gently cradles his lover in his arms. "It's okay, baby. I get it. I can wait," he says reassuringly, pulling him on his lap and pecking him for further confirmation that he isn't mad at the taller and there are no hard feelings.

Hyunjin pulls back slightly, a spark of realisation flashing in his eyes as though an idea has just struck him. "Hold on! I've got something to show you to make up for this date gone wrong."

Indeed, an idea. As he gets off from Felix' lap to fetch whatever it is, the shorter quickly pulls him back for a brief kiss, leaving his boyfriend flustered and momentarily speechless before he lets him go.