Evanesce

(Chapter 18) Gravity

The next few days seemed to go by quickly, everything back to normal. Or seemingly back to normal. I've been holed up in my room for most of it, attempting to keep some distance while simultaneously acting as if nothing happened. I gave up trying to meditate on it, as there's too many grey areas to dwell on.

 The only important points are:

I'm stuck in this situation, even if I wanted to leave, Jongin will find me. Whether it's a good or bad thing is still up for debate.

Jongin holds some sort of feelings for me, otherwise he wouldn't try so hard to keep my trust. Though I'm still unsure how far I can push him before he snaps. 

I care for these boys whether I like it or not. I can't help but forgive the betrayal and lies, they saved me and tried to help my family instead of just picking us off while we were weak. Which is worth remembering. 

Even those points are far too complicated for me to dissect yet, hence why I've been trying to keep my distance. Suho and Baekhyun have tried to come to me for a serious conversation a few days after my escape attempt.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine." I tried to brush it off, waving my hand through the air, but Suho saw through my attempts. 

"It's not, we need to discuss it. This isn't something that goes away on it's own, Minji." Suho respectfully demanded, his voice firm but gentle. I felt my heart beating in my throat as my brain tried to recall the details, which only reminded me of the pain. 

"Can we just talk about it some other time?" I accidentally snapped, staring at the pair wide eyed, tears threatening to spill. Baekhyun's expression was one of turmoil while Suho just sighed indifferently. 

"Fine.. but we will talk about it." I nodded, playing with the hem of my shirt as they prepared to leave. Suddenly a large but soft object plopped down on the top of my head, slightly blocking my vision. "It's not good for you to keep all these thoughts and feelings bottled up, ya know? Whether you choose to trust us or not, you'll have to release that negativity to move on. " His hand moved side to side, messing my already frizzy hair, before retreating. 

"Thanks guys.." I mumbled, still unable to look up after my outburst, feeling like a scolded child, though I could hear the smiles on their faces when they responded. 

"Don't mention it. Just get better so we can hang out again." Baekhyun said, feigning excitement for my benefit. I forced eye contact, smiling as kindly as I could muster. 

After that, I hardly left my room, apart from meal times. Visitors began to dwindle, as if they finally had given up. But there was still always one. There were even some days he was the only face I saw. Jongin

While my trust has slowly begun to build back up slightly, for Jongin at least, it didn't prevent the nightmares from coming back. This time, my housemates were the antagonists. Luring me into desolate areas, betraying me, then feasting on me, all while Jongin watched. It was enough to jolt me awake several times, even thinking about it while awake sends a shiver down my spine. 

Jongin seemed to notice my withdrawal as well, though instead of confronting it, he had brought me art supplies to distract my mind. He also brought movies to watch together and books he thought I would enjoy. Things like this would usually send butterflies into a womans gut, though I felt nothing but gratitude for the vices. 

Maybe my heart is actually broken..

Days turned to weeks, as the weather grew colder - so did my demeanor, and my reclusiveness only solidified into normalcy. The books Jongin brought were all sappy romance novels I could no longer bear to read, the movies grew boring and I began locking the bedroom door before he could knock. Even my art began to deteriorate, only able to portray scenes of devastation, loss or fear. I painted my feelings, the nightmares, my life. I also began sketching my mother and sister from memory, which became more difficult than it seemed. This devastated me the most, not being able to perfectly recreate something that plagues my every thoughts. Someone I love and miss incredibly, yet I can't get it right.