𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐄 [JJK x OC]

11: Starlight

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Ayako

???

When I close my eyes, in those moments, I'm lost in a fantasy and no longer beholden to the world's fate; I have but one dream. In it, I'm adrift in an ocean of endless and enrapturing blue; its cold waters wrap around my body, barely floating on the surface and holding me in a loose embrace. Waves crash against ever-distant shores, thrumming in tune with the beat of my heart, all while the blue whispers to me in soft, dulcet tones. It begs me to let it in, to stop fighting, and to allow myself to drift away in its grasp.

A part of me wants to; I've fought all my life, so why not rest in this moment? There are worse fates than this, indeed. These waters are verdant and abundant with life; corals pepper the ocean floor, an endless kaleidoscope of color, and hundreds of fish roam beneath me, unperturbed by my appearance.

These idyllic waters are peace itself, a momentary break from reality. When I open my eyes, I'll see it again: endless fates, a cacophony of maddening noise, an onslaught of destiny, and truths that would break an ordinary human. But it's different here. Every tread under my purview and every future I glimpse end here in these waters beyond fate.

This place must be paradise, the Desolate Nirvana I sought to create in my domain, the satisfaction I alone am owed—a paradise for me, bereft of the world. That's what I thought to myself.

Yet, even in this place, I can't stay still, even as the water urges me to do so. As I stare into the heavens, I'm left in awe of a single jewel glittering in the dark. A star pours itself onto the waters, refracting across its surface, changing that endless blue into pearlescent hues illuminating my body.

That star, oh, how beautiful it is. I could never describe it; words fail me at sight. It's like a tear across this canvas carving through black ink.

But despite that, the star's once radiant and warm light is fading. It fades with every beat of my heart, with a crash, and the waves slowly wane. How pitful, how beautiful. Would that I could reach, hold it, I would covet it and adorn myself with its radiance. It is my right to do so, mine alone. I was born beloved by the heavens, and anything I ever wished for was made manifest in my hands, so this, too, is undoubtedly another gift.

Only I, with eyes of celestial grace, can see that fading jewel in full, both its beginning and end. Like the flowers I adored as a child that wilted before my eyes, I cannot abide this transience. There is no point in beauty destined to die. I shall obtain it and cast it in a new one with ink never fading; with my hands, I shall paint that light and emblazon it across a tapestry to shine unto eternity. A blossom forever in bloom.

I raised my arm, rivets of water falling from my skin, dancing as the waves crashed around me. The ink flowed from my palm like a brush, forming a golden arm adorned with finery larger than a mountain that pierced the heavens themselves. I reached out to the star, whose faint warmth grazed my palm as I closed my hand around it.

A faint smile fell across my lips as the world around me was robbed of light and faded into the dark. I shut my eyes and clenched my fist. The waves swirled with tempestuous intent obscured by the dark, craving the light in the palm of my hand.

It'll end now, soon, this dream of mine, just as it always does.

But I didn't open my eyes or fists even in these dying moments. If I did, I knew what I'd find—a flower without warmth.

Nothing but stardust, long since faded, in these waters blue.

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