𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐄 [JJK x OC]

17: Desolate Nirvana

Once so long ago that there are none left who remember there was a girl, a wretch, whose only blessing was her accursed blood.

Bereft of everything, cherished by no one, the girl lacked a single earthly possession, even a name to call her own. Her body was marked with sin that was her birth.

There was only one thing that brought her solace: when the sky faded into night, there was a single star that gleamed like a jewel overhead. It was the only thing that never waned nor betrayed her. For a single moment, she was able to delude herself that the lofty star in the heavens shone for her alone.

To that star she whispered a fervent prayer and dream that would fade just as soon as the daylight broke. Even though she knew no one would hear those words, she still dreamed.

A wish, a curse, one she discarded as soon as she lost sight of that star, blinded by blood, and never to dream again...

***

"Desolate Nirvana: O paradise for the enlightened, O everdistant star, my eternal dream, my final reward, grant me the salvation I sought, bloom, bloom, bloom. Bloom for me alone... so these tears may be washed away like blossoms in the wind..."

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Suguru POV

???

When was it, I wonder? How long was it when I came to know, to care for you? Every time I try to place a finger on it, I get this twisting feeling in my gut. One I can't explain. The more I question it, the less comprehensible it becomes.

A faint memory clung to my barely lucid mind, its edges blurred like faded watercolors, yet even as my consciousness wavered, that sight never left. It was an inconspicuous day, no different from any other. It was a few months after Ayako first came to Tokyo and enrolled alongside us. She'd finally begun to somewhat acclimate to the new environment; nevertheless, some things never changed. I remember her sitting next to a wide open window, absentmindedly reading a forbidden scroll she'd borrowed from somewhere. I never understood why she did that; they never contained anything she didn't already know, but still, she sought them out, searching for something in those ancient texts. A faint smile clung to her lips as the sun beat down on her. Idly, she stared out the window, admiring the garden she had created, meager compared to her former one, yet still impossible in its radiance.

Seriously, Ayako, when I saw you back then, I was constantly faced with the truth. You truly are a terrible person; if someone accused you of such a thing, you wouldn't even deny it. If anything, you'd just laugh, never understanding why they admonished you in the first place. You parade around claiming you're entirely selfish, bearing that brand as though it were a source of pride. Every action you take is only to satisfy your desires, your hunger. A hedonist who shirks her duty in favour of passing whims, who would just as soon admire the soul of an innocent bystander as she would slaughter them. The difference in morality is irrelevant, or rather, to you, there is no difference at all.

You sat alone on that mountain for 15 long years. Swadled in a sacred temple where everyone worshiped you as a god. Their admiration never drove you; it was a consequence of your birth. You never truly wanted it, yet you felt nothing wrong with lavishing yourself in it. Their souls and devotion were nothing but flowers you adorned yourself with for a single fleeting moment, one that faded as soon as the morning dew. Did their desires mean so little to you?