Maybe it was meant to end the way it did. Maybe we were never meant to happen. The 'us' that we wanted was probably an unreachable dream. I grimly laughed at how pathetic I am. I told him that I was willing to fight but here I am, still following what my grandfather wants. I guess Thomas was right after all. I've been so used to following what they tell me that I can't even stand up on my own feet. I wasn't strong enough to fight.
Maybe it's better this way. He wouldn't have to deal with hiding what we used to be. He can freely love someone else and show it to others. He wouldn't have to deal with the consequences when grandfather finds out what used to be us.
It's better this way; that's what I've been trying to convince myself ever since that day. I admit that I was wrong but did it have to end that way? Maybe.
I've decided to drop my position as the student manager of the team. Lolo had no qualms about it because that meant that I'd have a more flexible schedule especially now that they're planning the engagement party. It wasn't supposed to be happening yet but they decided to push the date forward now that Kim's about to graduate. Along with that, lolo requested that I go home most of the time, if not everyday. I didn't bother arguing. I couldn't.
I didn't have the energy and motivation to do so anymore. What's the use anyway? Staying there would just bring back memories. Besides, the farther I am from him, the better, right? It'll just hurt him more if he sees me in person. It'd just remind him of how weak I was—of how he probably thought that I didn't have it in me to fight for him.
It was almost like I let them run my life after that. Ahia noticed and he's been attempting to talk to me about it but so far, I've been able to successfully avoid any confrontation. I don't know if I'll be able to talk about what happened anyway.
"Are you okay?" Mom asked me for the nth time this day. I know that she knows that there's something wrong but I don't have it in me to indulge her with what's wrong because everything feels wrong. This whole preparation for the engagement party in one month and a half feels wrong. Sitting here in this car with her going to the designer's place is wrong. Tasting the food that will be served with my brother and Kim is wrong. This whole ordeal is just wrong because I'm getting engaged to someone I don't love. Whatever this is, it's just going to end up in a marriage of convenience and Kim knows that.
"I'm okay, mom," I plastered a smile and looked away so that she won't press on the matter anymore.
Not really, I sighed.
Before we got to the designer, Kelly sent a message.
From: Kells
Margieeee. I miss you bbgirl! I don't see you that often anymore. :( Are you free tonight? Overnight at my place, just the two of us! :)
To: Kells
I have to check but I doubt that I'm free. Alam mo naman... Busy with party preparations. Sorry bb. :(
From: Kells
Aw man. Fine. I forgive you but you have to tell me EVERYTHING.
When we got to the boutique, the staff and the designer himself warmly welcomed us. My mom and the designer were the ones discussing the design of the dress while I just sat there. If this were going my way, I'd probably be pitching in a lot of ideas.
But it's not.
I huffed in annoyance at the pity party I kept on throwing at myself.
"Marga?" My mom snapped me out of my trance. "Are you still with us?"
"S-Sorry," I sighed.
"It's okay. I was just asking if you have any style in mind," the designer, Mr. George (but he introduced himself as Georgie), said.
