Memories {A compilation of Britin short stories}

Story 6: Positive

" Aren't you going to say something?"

"And what exactly would you like me to say, Justin?"

"Something. I just told you I'm positive and you're just standing there."

Brian shook his head. "I don't fucking know what to say, Justin. I'm just in shock, I guess?" He huffed out a breath. "How'd it happen?" he asked suddenly. "Did you fuck someone without a condom?"

"No. At least I don't remember. I don't know how it happened." Justin sat down at the kitchen counter. "I wish I did."

Taking a deep breath, Brian struggled to find the strength in his voice. "How long have you known?"

"For a week. I've been trying to find the right way to tell you."

"A week? Fuck!" Brian nearly shouted. "Why the fuck would you wait so damn long?" He ran his hands through his hair as the frustration, the shock became too much. Finally, something clicked. "Wait," he said, eyeing Justin carefully. "This is why you pushed me away the other night, why you wouldn't let me touch you."

"Yeah," Justin said sullenly, not looking at Brian, "I should have told you then, but, I couldn't find the right words." Justin chewed on his bottom lip nervously. "If you want to break up or kick me out or whatever, I wouldn't blame you."

"Why the fuck would I want to do that?" Brian asked, a deep frown setting into his features.

"Because I'm positive. You're not the kind of person that wants to take care of someone. You don't even like when people want to take care of you."

"I never said I would kick you out if you turned up positive, Justin," Brian argued immediately. "We get tested regularly because I wanted to be safe. I don't recall ever saying that if one of us turned up positive." He shook his head, unable to find the right words.

Justin bit his nails. He was so nervous and scared and confused. He felt tears welling up in his eyes. What was he going to do now? He knew you could live with being positive. Ben and Hunter were perfectly normal. But he knew it also made your life difficult. You had to take medicine, get frequent doctor treatments, and you always had to be careful, monitor your things.

Brian saw the tears and immediately went to him. "Hey," he said gently. "Come here." His arms wrapped around him then, holding him close. Brian buried his nose in Justin's hair, breathing him in. "It's okay."

Justin clutched the back of Brian's shirt. He cried into his shoulder. How could he had been so careless that he had gotten HIV. "I'm such an idiot."

Brian simply let Justin cry. He was smart enough to know that this had to have been a traumatizing experience. "No, you're not," Brian said gently, stroking Justin's hair. "You said you used a condom, right?"

"Yeah." His voice broke as he spoke. His sobs were starting to turn to hiccups like an upset child.

"So it wasn't your fault, Justin," Brian said. "You were being safe. It's not your fault the fucking thing broke. You had no control over it."

"But I did have control over who i fucked. I fucked someone who was positive. That's my fault."

"Did you know the guy was positive?" Brian queried. "Before you fucked him, did he say, 'Oh, hey, by the way, I've got HIV?'"

"Of course not." He sniffled.

"Then it wasn't your fault, Justin. Shit happens."

"Why does shit always happen to me?"

"I don't know," Brian answered honestly. "But you're going to be okay, you hear me?"

Justin nodded wiping his eyes.