Memories {A compilation of Britin short stories}

Story 23: Hold On

"Hold on just a little longer, please!"

Brian looked up at Justin with tired eyes. He reached up, running his fingers down Justin's tear-stained face. "Don't cry, Sunshine."

Justin couldn't stop the tears running down his face. This wasn't fair. He and Brian had been to hell and back two times over and now Brian was going to die because of stupid cancer.

He leaned into Brian's touch. "I can't help it. I don't want you to leave me."

"I haven't left yet," Brian said lightly. The corner of his mouth turned up, despite the situation, despite the cold hospital room, the beeping of the machines that surrounded him.

Justin looked into Brian's eyes. They looked so lifeless. He had never seen the brunette look so sick. But not helpless. Brian would never look helpless.

"Yet." Justin sniffed. "I don't want there to be a 'yet'. I want there to be a not at all."

Brian let his hand drop, turning his attention to one of the monitors. It was beeping every so often, the lines forming a nice and steady pattern across the screen, telling him he was alive. If it hadn't been for the machine, Brian would have thought differently.

"I know," he said finally, acknowledging Justin's words from moments before. Brian turned his head toward Justin again, sadness written across his face. "But I know better than anyone, you don't always get what you want."

Justin wiped the tears from his face even though they continued to fall without his control. He laced his fingers through Brian's again, kissing the back of his hand.

A ghost of a smile spread across his face, though it didn't quite touch his eyes. "Hey," he said quietly in an attempt to get Justin's attention. He moved their joined hands so the younger man had no choice but to move closer. "Hey," he said again, "it's okay. It's nothing I haven't been through before."

Justin nodded his head. He looked down at their intertwined hands. Brian's hand looked pale like the rest of his skin and it was skinnier than it had been before.

Brian's eyes followed Justin's line of sight, staring at his hand. He sighed. "I told you, I'm not going anywhere, so would you stop looking at me like that?"

Justin looked at Brian's eyes and put on a, what he hoped looked genuine, smile. "Sorry. It's just weird seeing you in a hospital like this."

Brian sighed, reaching up with his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "This is why I didn't tell anyone last time," he said, eyes trained on the white wall across from the hospital bed, his jaw tight. "I didn't want you to—" He didn't even know what he wanted to say, what he could say.

"Worry? Cry? Leave?" Justin squeezed Brian's hand. "You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own, Brian. I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes!" Brian answered, his voice rising in volume. He wrenched his hand out of Justin's grip, running his fingers through his hair. He'd been weak before, drowsy even. He was fully awake now, aware of everything around him, all too aware of the situation.

Brian sighed, the muscle in his jaw ticking as he clenched his teeth. "The only reason you're here right now is because Cynthia called you," he said, avoiding Justin's eyes. "So I took a fall at the office—who gives a shit?"

"I give a shit. It wasn't just a fall, Brian. You passed out at work." Justin tucked his fingers into his palm when Brian pulled his hand away. "Obviously it's something or the doctor's wouldn't have kept you here."

Brian rolled his eyes. "Okay, I passed out. Jesus. You wanna announce it to the fucking world while you're at it?" He moved to sit up in bed, struggling just the least bit. "Yeah, they did a scan, told me they found something, told you they found something, and here you are, sitting at my bedside like a doting little housewife. Fuck. Remind me to fire Cynthia as soon as I get back to work."