Sit Softly On Your Shoulder

Chapter 24: New Memories

Lan Zhan wakes up a little earlier than usual and decides to start making breakfast sooner rather than later. Wei Ying should be here soon and-

He steps into the living room still decorated with the winter wonderland theme and way too much sparkle, but it proves that yesterday wasn't a dream, or wishful thinking. Wei Ying really came by. They truly exchanged gifts, and even more importantly, they exchanged rings. He and Wei Ying are officially engaged now.

It sends a shiver up his spine.

Lan Zhan remembers how they slow danced afterwards, trading lazy kisses and just being together, cuddling on the couch like that. They talked about anything and everything, letting the time pass by in a syrupy haze until A-Yuan called them over for dinner. The Wens had been shocked but congratulatory upon hearing the news. Lan Zhan had stayed long past helping A-Yuan to go to sleep, and he hadn't wanted to part from Wei Ying. Wei Ying too, had pouted and tried to keep him there with ardent kisses promising more...but practicalities won and since Lan Zhan's clothes were here, he had returned to the now empty-feeling flat.

His gaze lands on his mother's laptop and now, Lan Zhan wants to hear her voice today. It feels right that he can, without the usual trepidation. Perhaps his own mind has forgiven himself for the perceived weakness of not visiting her when he had the chance. Before he can talk himself out of it, Lan Zhan opens the laptop, puts the next recording on and turns the volume loud enough so that he can hear his mother no matter where he is.

Then he goes into the kitchen to begin preparation for breakfast.

"Ah, A-Zhan...sometimes, I wonder if you'll ever get to listen to these silly messages. Maybe they won't be silly to you, I don't know. Do you even remember me? I know you don't need me now, and I promise, I'm learning to be okay with that." There's a sniff, and the sound of ruffling papers. Another sniff and she continues. "I think about both of you when I'm alone and up here, above my pride and joy. A mother's wish is always for her children to be happy first, and everything else later.

"Lan Huan, I guess I knew he would be okay given his open nature, but since you are so vastly different from him, my thoughts always reach out to you. A-Zhan, no matter where you are or what you are doing, I hope you have at least one person who believes in you, one person to cheer you on. That's all it takes, you know? For me, it was your Uncle Qiren. I know you might find that hard to believe, but it's the truth. I was surprised as well, because he was an intensely private person, someone who kept to himself. I even remember the day he approached me first.

"It was after a specially bad fight with your father, and I was quite upset, wondering where the man I'd married had gone, replaced by this stranger who just did not speak my language anymore. Lan Qiren asked me why I stayed when it was so obvious that I did not want to any longer. I hadn't even been aware of this. But he gave me the space to think about myself as a separate entity from being a wife and a mother. It was then that I realised that people could fall out of love just as easily as they could fall into it, and really, it wasn't anybody's fault. Perhaps love had a life of its own, too.

"But now that's got me thinking about you. I want you to be brave, if ever you find someone worthy of you. Be brave, be honest, and leave all your doubts behind. Live in the moment and see all of the magic the universe can dazzle you with. When you find your person, A-Zhan, you will know."

The sound stops and it is the end of that recording.

Lan Zhan is leaning against the counter facing the wall when two warm arms embrace him from behind and the comforting presence of Wei Ying is a steadying weight at his back.

I have found someone worthy, Mama, he thinks to himself. I wish you could have met him because I know you would have loved him, too.

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