HEE:LIFT | TXT & Enhypen

~ ninety-five ~

TW: references alcoholism and abuse

~~~~~

It's Lee's Lift Now || 1/3

"We broke up."

"Jungwon..." Heeseung stared at the younger boy with sad eyes and a million questions. He decided against putting him on the spot, instead clearing his throat, turning to address the group. "We have an early day tomorrow. Let's get to bed."

The others left the living room quietly, understanding that now wasn't the time to pry. Jay lingered by the kitchen counter, taking a seat at one of the barstools as Heeseung made two cups of tea.

"Are you okay?" Heeseung whispered, setting one of the mugs down in front of Jay. He took a seat on the other barstool.

"Were you?" Jay said dryly. He stared at the floor. "It's fine. I'll live."

"Is your dad still...?"

"Not talking to me? Yeah." Jay let out a long sigh. "Don't even know why I came out to him. It was all for nothing."

"I'm so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

Jay slowly nodded, staring uninterestedly at his tea.

~

The walk to the Han river was quiet.

Although he appeared as calm as could be on the outside, Jay's heart thumped loudly in his ears. He knew what was coming. A flat boulder lay on the edge of the shore, water lapping gently at its side. They took a seat on the rock, facing the river. Jungwon was criss-crossed while Jay sat with his knees loosely drawn up, forearms arms resting on his legs.

"We..." Jungwon trailed off.

"You're not happy," Jay said.

"I'm not."

"Why?"

"It's not because of you. I- I think I'm just in a bad place right now. Mentally. There's been a lot going on and... I don't know. Something just doesn't feel right. I think part of it is just us always being together, 24/7."

"It's hard not having a lot of space," Jay agreed, trying not to let his rising panic show. "We can work on that. We can spend some time apart."

Jungwon said nothing.

Jay's heart sank. He looked down.

"It won't fix it," Jungwon said quietly. "I think you know that."

Jay watched him let out a long sigh and lean back on his hands.

"I feel like I'm stuck." The younger boy stared off into space. "I can't move, I can't grow, I can't breathe. Maybe it's the pressure. Maybe it's just the wrong time for us. I don't know. But what I do know is that I can't keep feeling like this."

Jungwon's words stung. If he truly loved Jay, wouldn't that be enough to satisfy him? But no. Jay knew it wasn't fair of him to think that way. Despite the numbing pain spreading across his chest, down his arms, and into the tips of his fingers, he knew there was justification behind Jungwon's choice. It had nothing to do with anybody's worth. But still, he couldn't help but feel angry that once again, he was fighting and losing a battle.

How was it that everything their group had gone through these past few weeks had brought every other couple closer, but had torn them apart? Jay always seemed to get the short end of the stick. No matter what he did, where he went, or who he was with, he always lost in the end.