ด้วยรักตลอดไป (With Love, Forever)

Jackson

I ended the call and let my phone drop onto the coffee table, rubbing my face with both hands.

I felt... drained.

No, that wasn't the right word. Unmoored. Like someone had taken the fragile stability I had built for Xinxin and me and cracked it open with one damn letter.

I glanced at the papers on the table—the lawyer's letter, still crumpled from where I had thrown it this morning. Just looking at it made my stomach twist.

She had no right.

No right to show up like this, out of nowhere. No right to demand a place in Xinxin's life when she had been the one to walk away in the first place.

And yet, the law didn't care about any of that.

I leaned back against the couch, closing my eyes.

Xinxin had seen everything. My reaction. My anger. My helplessness. I hated that. She deserved better than to witness her father losing control, to see the cracks in the person who was supposed to protect her.

And now she was at school, sitting by herself, carrying all of this on her little shoulders. That thought hurt more than anything else.

At least she'd have Jeff for the afternoon.

I let out a long breath, staring at the ceiling. Jeff.

I wasn't sure what had surprised me more—his immediate offer to take care of Xinxin or the way he had said it.

"Xinxin is like my child too."

There had been no hesitation, just quiet certainty.

I smiled a little despite everything. Jeff was something else. He had slipped into our lives with that easy warmth of his, that way of knowing exactly how to reach Xinxin without forcing her to open up. And me too, if I was being honest.

Our conversations had changed in the last few weeks. He wasn't just Xinxin's teacher anymore. Somewhere along the way, we had become something closer to friends—real friends.

I sighed and sat forward, running a hand through my hair.

There was no avoiding it. I had to face her.

Xinxin's mother.

I reached for my phone again, hesitating for a moment before finally dialing the number I had been avoiding.

It rang twice before she picked up.

"Jackson." Her voice was careful, almost uncertain.

"We need to talk." My voice was steady, but my heart was pounding.

A pause. Then—"I know."

And just like that, the past I had been trying to keep buried cracked open again.

The silence stretched between us over the phone, heavy with things unsaid.

I exhaled slowly, pressing my fingertips against my temple. "Where are you? Can we meet?"

She hesitated. "I—yes. I can come over."

I didn't want her here. In my home. The thought of her stepping through that door, into the space I had built for Xinxin without her, made my stomach churn.

"No," I said firmly. "Not here. Let's meet somewhere neutral. A café. A park. Anywhere but my home."

Another pause. Then, a quiet sigh. "Alright. There's a café near my hotel. I'll text you the address."

"Fine. I'll be there in an hour."

I ended the call before she could say anything else.

For a moment, I just sat there, gripping my phone, my thoughts tangled. My body was tense, my jaw clenched so hard it ached.

This wasn't just about me. It never had been.

This was about Xinxin.

I stood, grabbing my jacket before heading out.

The café was one of those boutique places with soft jazz playing and overpriced pastries in glass cases. It was a far cry from the noisy, chaotic noodle shop we used to go to back when we were still figuring life out together.

She was already there when I arrived, sitting by the window. She looked... different. Polished. A little older, but in a way that spoke of comfort rather than struggle. Her hair was styled neatly, her makeup light but deliberate.

She looked up as I approached, offering me a tentative smile. "Jackson."

I sat down across from her, ignoring the way my stomach twisted at hearing my name in her voice again.

"You really went and got a lawyer," I said flatly.

She flinched but didn't look away. "I had to."

"You had to?" A bitter chuckle escaped me. "You had to? Where was that urgency five years ago when you walked away from her?"

She swallowed, her hands tightening around the coffee cup in front of her. "I wasn't... I wasn't well, Jackson. You know that."

"Yeah, I do. I also know I was the one who stayed. I was the one who held her when she cried, who explained why her mother wasn't coming back. I was the one who did all the damn work. And now you just waltz in, thinking you can claim her like some lost luggage?"

Her eyes glistened, but I wasn't in the mood for tears.

"I made mistakes," she admitted, voice trembling slightly. "I was young. I was lost. I wasn't ready."

"And now you are?" My voice was sharp, cutting.

She nodded. "I've changed, Jackson. I have a stable job. A home. I've been in therapy. I know I can be a good mother to her now."

I shook my head, feeling the anger simmering just beneath my skin. "You don't get to decide that. You don't get to come back years later and declare yourself 'ready.' Xinxin isn't some prize waiting for you to claim when it's convenient for you."

She flinched again, looking down. "I know. And I'm not trying to take her from you."

I scoffed. "That lawyer's letter says otherwise."

She sighed, rubbing her temple. "I wanted to talk to you before it came to this. But you wouldn't listen."

"Because I knew what you wanted." I leaned forward, lowering my voice but making sure every word hit. "You want to ease your guilt. You want to feel better about yourself, to tell yourself you did the right thing in the end. But this isn't about you."

Her eyes flicked up to mine, glassy but determined. "It's about Xinxin. She deserves to know her mother."

"She doesn't know you."

That struck something in her. She inhaled sharply, blinking quickly.

I ran a hand through my hair, trying to keep my voice steady. "You think you can just walk in and be 'Mom' all of a sudden? She calls you 'Big Lady.' Do you get that? She doesn't even know who you are."

Tears finally slipped down her cheeks. She wiped at them, taking a shuddering breath. "I just... I want a chance, Jackson."

I exhaled, looking away.

A chance.

Could I deny her that?

Would it be fair to Xinxin if I did?

The truth was, I didn't trust her. But my fight wasn't just about what I wanted. It was about what was best for my daughter. And I still wasn't sure what that was.