The Catch || sequel to HCS || N.H

"I hate myself so much..."

***

*Niall's Part Of View*

I finally stopped crying reminding myself it's done. She's gone there's nothing I can do about it. I bit on the hem of my shirt waiting for everyone else to calm down. 

I then felt a hand on my back and I looked up. It was Nash, I looked at him and his blue eyes were glossy. I felt bad, the last thing they said to each other was maybe something way better then mine. 

"You alright?" He asked sniffling. I shook my head 'no' and he sighed. 

"I miss her.." I said looking at my hands. 

"I do also" For some reason no anger took over me, no jealousy, or even sadness. I felt empty, I didn't know how to respond so I just sat there my eyes getting glossy again. 

I did something that surprised me and Nash, I hugged him. I closed my eyes and let the tears stream down my face. He felt unwelcome by the gesture but then he hugged back. I slightly smiled happy that it isn't awkwardness or any anger between us. 

I then remember Lexi smiling at me when we went to Chicago when I asked her out. It makes me sad to still remember those things. 

"I hate myself so much..." I whispered to myself after we have let go. 

"I do also.." 

He wiped his eyes and then got up. He took out his phone and he dialed a number, he looked at me and pressed the number. I was confused to what he was doing.

"Kian?"

"Lexi she-"

"Hello?"

"Uh, hello?" He then ended the call and looked at me.

"We gotta tell him also right?" I nodded and got up. I felt weak without Lexi. I need her so much. 

"I need to go see her.." I said. 

"Let's go then" I nodded and said 'alright'. I took a deep breath and opened the doors to the front desk. I walked down the hall to the left and saw the room.

 I opened it and saw her, skin pale white, eyes closed, hair gently on the sides of her head, I wanna see her beautiful brown eyes. I walked over to her and sat down at the chair Nash did the same to the one next to me. 

I felt empty next to Lexi. She didn't get to live her life like she wanted to. It's my fault she died, I need to do something that wouldn't make me depressed. That's gonna be very hard. I then lifted my shaky hand and put it on top of her cold one.

"I love you so much.." I whispered, my heart swelled when I said that. 

The rest of the 18 minutes we were there was just plain silence. It felt good. We walked out to see everyone and saw Kian crying. His hand in his blonde messy hair. 

I walked over to him and hugged him. I didn't really care i my shirt was soaked with tears by now I didn't know how to help Kian. He was her best friend / brother, they stopped hanging out and talking after the kidnap. 

I feel so bad, he wasn't with her, I was well barely. I let go and we talked, about literally nothing.  Kian most of the time just sat there sobbing while telling me stories of him and her. Half was the saddest things I've heard in my life. The other half were funny. I didn't laugh though. 

I sat in the chair in day-dream. I'm pretty sure the rest of the boys were thinking I was dead, but no one  complained. I sighed and got up, Lexi's parents already signed the papers but we have to plan her funeral. I don't wanna leave this hospital, I still think Lexi's alive and shit. 

I can't think that way because it's a lie. She's dead. Gone. I then stood up and took out my phone. This is gonna be the worst disison of my life but I need to get my mind off of this. I pressed Cara's contact and it started ringing. 

"Hello?" 

"Cara?"

"Niall!" 

"Um, are you busy?"

"No, I'm actually cleaning up the party right now.." 

"Oh, well um can you come to the hospital right-" 

"Harry! Give me back my phone!" Harry is fuckin 6ft tall I'm only 5'8. Harry pressed end and gave me back my iphone.

"Think about Lexi! Right now she is up in heaven watching you do this! Do you want her to cry up there listening and watching you call another girl and hookup with her!?" 

What the hell was I thinking..

"I'm sorry.." I couldn't think of anything else to say. 

Now all I have to do is get used to not seeing Lexi anymore.