Grian Oneshots :D

Broken glass

TW: very very angsty, self harm and all that juicy food for the angst demon

Enjoy :D

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Some people couldn't stop self harming. They were addicted to the rush, the feeling of freedom for a split second. Grian told himself he wasn't one of those people. If he wanted, he could stop cutting at any moment. Other people had it worse; other people deserved help more than he did. He didn't even need help, he was ok.

He knew that he shouldn't cut himself, but he also knew that he deserved to feel the pain. He was a terrible person after all, ugly, stupid, at that point he was surprised that people still pretended to be friends with him.

These thoughts whizzed through his mind as the avian stumbled into the bathroom. Nobody could ever like him, and he wouldn't blame them. Pulling a drawer open, he grabbed one of his blades, and began to press it into his thighs. Slicing upwards, he hissed slightly. When he had first started cutting, he wasn't able to go very deep, but now he could barely feel the pain. Pulling his knife across the top of his right thigh, he watched as blood dripped out of the open cuts. A singular scarlet drop traced his leg, his pale skin turned incarnadine.

Blood began to splatter onto the floor, going over the stains that already littered the bathroom floor. He traced one of his scars with his finger, then pressed the sharp point of his knife into it, dragging the blade along the white line. It went deep; deeper than he had expected. Realising he had sliced through his femoral artery, he began to giggle. Blood began to spurt out of him, regularly throbbing along to his pulse.

He looked away from his cuts, and stared at his knife. It was stained a bloody crimson, the same shade which painted his hands, legs and the tiled floor. His hands trembled and he dropped the knife. It landed on the floor with a metallic ting.

His eyes darted up to his broken mirror. Shards of glass struck across the surface, from long ago. Vaguely Grian remembered accidentally breaking it earlier in the season. But now as he stared into his reflection, he saw the cracks shooting across his face.

A metaphor, he thought, or something like that.

Staring further into his reflection, he noticed the bags under his eyes, and the way his cheeks stuck out, his horribly shaped chin. The only thing he liked about his appearance was his long hair, as it hid his face. Just as he hid himself from the hermits. Tears began to dilute the blood, clear streaks through the red carpet.

He pulled a small container out of the drawer, turning the lid until it came off with a click. Inside lay a cluster of small white pills. Crying to himself, he raised the container to his lips. He tilted his head back. He let the pills slide down his throat. Looking back into the mirror, he realised how light the container now felt. He shook it. No noise. It was empty.

Staring back at his own reflection, he realised, for the first time in his life, maybe he did need help. As this realisation came to him, he felt a sharp pain shoot through his abdomen, and collapsed to the floor, bathing in his own blood. It dyed his hair a deep red as his head hit the floor with a sharp bang, sending more dull pain through him. He began to cough, and with a sickening feeling, felt himself retching up blood.

Spots began to gather at the edge of his vision. He felt like he was seeing everything through TV static, a high ringing slicing through his head.

Finally, he had gotten what he deserved, what he wanted all along. Nobody would care, he wondered if his body would even be found. Would even his sister Pearl miss him?

He doubted it.

He felt his body lighten. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Only darkness awaited him.

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Um srry bout that, but I guess the angst demon demanded it?

(Also up until the part about the pills, that was based on a pretty bad night I once had).

Try and eat, drink and think of one good thing that happened today, as well as one good thing about yourself.

Until we meet again...

                                                                                                    -Cleary