Can't Cheat Death - Brennan Sorrengail

XII - Blowing Steam

I wish Moren had killed me on the mat. 

The pitying looks and the way my squad danced around me like I was a Red Daggertail who'd woken up on the wrong side of the Vale had me nearly tearing my hair out. Not to mention I hadn't managed to keep more than a few bites of food down as my body adjusted to the unevenness of my vision, migraines still pounding at my skull all hours of the day.

"You need to eat more than that," Alill muttered, gesturing to the mostly full plate in front of me. 

Just looking at the food made my stomach roll. "I took a few bites."

"We start gauntlet training today, 'a few bites' isn't going to cut it."

I can't help but glare at him. I know he's trying to help, and he's been better at ignoring the scar than the rest of our squads have been, but the way he constantly hovers around me like some lost chick makes me want to bash my brains in. 

"I'm not a child, Alill, I'm fine."

"If you have to say you're fine, you're definitely not fine."

I turn my glare on Abel who just shrugs and shoves another heaping of food into his mouth.

"I didn't say you were a child," Alill sighs, a bite to his tone. 

"Then stop treating me like one!"

I'd said it louder than I'd meant to, and suddenly every person at our table is looking at me. Even Iosaph who'd made herself scarce since our awkward encounter nearly a week and a half ago. Meeting her gaze, she turns away quickly, and my stomach drops. I didn't realize how close we'd gotten until we stopped talking, and guilt pooled in my chest. She hadn't meant anything by crying that night, but it still bothered me what she had done. I need to talk to her, air out our differences, but that stubborn voice in the back of my head kept me from making the first move. It wasn't my fault she cried, if anything, she needed to apologize to me first. 

I turn away from her, shoving myself up from the table.

"Where are you going?" Naolin asked, his brow shooting up as I grabbed my tray.

"Nowhere," I seethed, dumping my food into the trash and leaving the cafeteria as quickly as possible. 

I was afraid someone might run after me, try to stop me from whatever I was going to do, though even I had no idea where I was going. But when there were still only my footsteps in the hall, slamming into the floor and reverberating across the halls, I couldn't help but feel angry. I don't know why, maybe it was the migraines, but I felt like I was splitting in two. Part of me wanted to shut down, close myself off from the world and act like everything was fine, and the other seemed to crave the attention. It felt wrong to admit that, even in the quiet of my mind, but I was angry no one tried to come after me. 

It'd been a week of walking on eggshells and unable to live like a normal person, which was still mostly the case! It wasn't like I'd lost a leg or anything, and hell, my eye still mostly worked! I was torn between these feelings, and if I didn't find some way to clear my head, I was just going to take out my own confusion on my squamates.

That was how I managed to find myself in the gym. My fists pounded into the hanging bag, left right, left, right, my arms shaking as I lunged and kicked and pictured Moren's face hanging in front of me. This is what I needed. Not to be coddled or treated like an invalid, I needed to punch something. My leg swung out, slamming into the bag and the impact nearly sent me off balance, my bones ringing with the impact. It felt good. I don't consider myself a masochist, but the world around me seemed to fade away, all my attention focused on the ringing of my ears and the blood smearing across my knuckles definitely makes me question a few things. I was in control here, I got to decide how I would bleed, and I sure as hell didn't need two working eyes to throw a left hook.

I grunted, throwing another punch into the bag before stepping back. My chest heaved, heart racing in my chest as I tried to regain my breath, watching the bag swing back and forth for a moment while I wiped the sweat from my brow. 

"Are you done?"

The sarcastic quip made my stomach flutter, before crashing violently back into place. 

I turned, throwing my arm out to swing for him.

Sidestepping my fist, Brennan tutted. "That wasn't very polite."

I lift my leg, aiming for his groin. "It wasn't very polite when you lied to me!"

Catching my ankle, he holds it firmly in the air, raising a brow. "Lie to you?"

"Yes! You broke our deal!" I try to tug my ankle out of his grasp, but his hand is firm, and he seems to only lift it higher, nearly sending me tumbling to the floor.

"No, no, no." He shakes his head, his cocky smirk slipping to a frown. "It's not my fault you didn't figure out my quite obvious hint."

"Quite obvious my ass!"

Before I can try and tug my foot away again, Brennan tugs my foot forward, dragging my planted foot across the floor until his hand is curled around my thigh and I'm all but pressed into his chest. My body burns where his hand meets leather, and I can't help the heat burning across my face. Anger, it's all anger, I tell myself. A lie I know as well as I can see the coppery undertones of his eyes staring down at me while he pulls me closer, a hand on my waist squeezing at the skin.

"Last time I checked," his mouth is next to my ear, breathing hot air along my skin and I can't help the shiver that travels up my spine. "Our deal didn't say anything about being direct. I told you who you were matched against, didn't I?" I shove at his chest, but it does little to deter him as he only drags me closer, every inch of my front pressing into his and it does nothing to settle my galloping heart.

"I don't think your little girlfriend would be too happy seeing you like this," I don't know why that's what I decided to say, but this close to him my brain has seemed to stop working almost entirely, and I cringe at the breathiness of my words. 

Brennan tilts his head down, smirking. "Is that Jealousy I hear?" 

My face burns and I shove at him again, only managing an inch of space between us, the heat of his body still radiating into mine. I open my mouth, but my mind is blank. Not even a sarcastic comment comes to mind.

Quite suddenly I'm falling, and before I can register what's happening my back is on the floor and there's an ache in my tailbone. 

"Sorry about that," Brennan smirks, "my hand must have just, slipped. Now I've lied to you!"

I growled and went to lunge at him again but he's trotting out of the gym before I'm even on my feet. 

"Better go get cleaned up, you already missed Battle Brief, don't want to miss Gauntlet training, do you?"

My blood is practically boiling, but I pause at his words. Battle Brief? Glancing out the window it's quite obvious it's no longer the hazy dawn it'd been when I'd stormed out of breakfast. 

"Shit!"

______

A/N:

Heyyyy,

Early chapter, yippee!

Brennan is definitely giving off some Xaden energy here, but I imagine Brennan is just such a dick head at Basgiath, sorry not sorry. Like he gets better, but we have to go through some serious trauma to get there. If y'all haven't realized it by now, I like traumatizing my characters :) 

Love y'all!