I. 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 : ᴠᴇɴᴛꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴀᴍʙʟᴇꜱ.

Large vent out.

No, because why is it always when i finally think that i'm happy something goes wrong? I'm starting to believe that i honestly shouldn't have anyone around me anymore at this point, i've fucked up countless times and right now? I think i have somehow fucked up more than ever before.

I'm putting other people in danger because i talked to somebody. I met them, they seemed sweet, we were talking to other people on Discord, people that had the same interests.

Who would have guessed? Who would have thought that my past relationships would come back and haunt me more than they usually ever did.

I hate it.

Usually, before, i was just paranoid. Paranoid that since i was dating Lara/Apollo.. that i would have began to act like *him*. I don't want that'.

I try to give space between us. I don't want to become the kind of person he was. I hate the thought. It disgusts me. But, god, the fucking more i just think about everything the more i feel like i'm so fucked up in the head.

I'm not acting like him. Not completely but i feel like I'm way too obsessive and possessive over them.  And i know we talked about it a lot before, probably as a joke, but I don't like feeling this way. I don't like always wanting to pull them to the side and distract them from talking to other people. I hate it.

And I'm even more disgusted in myself for the way i now understand *him* even more. The way i relate to him to some extent. The way i look in the mirror and flashes of the remains of him appears.

..you know. I swear. Fate, if that exists, hates me. It truly does. Because how.. just how in the WORLD have i managed to find him again?

How did he find me again? Like i said, we met each other in a discord sever. He was sweet and kind. We were friends. Turns out- he's not who he pretended to fucking be.

Turns out, it's eve. Worse than simply "accidentally come sing across my past" turns fucking out that he's been around me for a while now. That he knows everything. That he's managed to stall me through my friends.

I don't like this one but. He is can't even block him since he hasn't gave himself away if WHO he is. Most likely some anonymous account. I can't block him on discord. He said so much shit to me—

I might not be online. Honestly i might just flake out of being here one way or another. I can't stand the thought of the people i know getting hurt bc of this, because of me.