Challen and Addy

Chapter 24 (Challen): Off My Chest

Copyright © 2025 by GroveltoHEA

"You never should have had to miss him, Addy."

Some statistics say we speak an average of 16,000 words day, give or take a few thousand. We use words to lift up, cut down, encourage, give hope, sympathize, strengthen, make jokes, convey feelings, speak love, spew hate. We depend on our words, yet often when we need them most, they fail us because they aren't sufficient for the circumstances.

Addy's words had sliced into me, and although I'm so sorry had been on my lips, that wasn't what had come out.

Walking back into her room, I crouched in front of her chair so she didn't have to look up at me. I tried to think of all of the different ways to respond to the many layers underlying her words. There was so much to be said, so much we needed to talk about if she was willing, so much I wanted to pull from my heart and try to explain to her. There was even more I wanted to say to try to bridge the distance between us that I had caused. Much couldn't be explained unless I could use the dumbass defense. What I had done was beyond reasons, beyond excuses, so how could words be used to explain my complete and utter failure as a man and as a husband?

So while my brain was running around trying to pull the right words together from the various corners of my mind, I fumbled the moment.

"You never should have had to miss him, Addy," I repeated. "I totally failed you, and I'm sorry."

Addy was looking at me, really looking at me, as if seeing me for the first time. It felt like she was trying to reconcile the fact that my face was the familiar one she married and also the one that had hurt her so badly and let her down in too many ways to count.

"Do you want to talk, Addy?" I asked. "I know you're tired and were about to take a nap, so I don't want to keep you from that. But I also feel like what you said deserves a response, so I don't want to let it go. What do you want me to do here, Addy? What do you want to do?"

"To be honest, I want to yell at you, Challen. I want to scream at you until I don't have a voice left so I can get everything out. But I'm so exhausted right now that I have no energy for it."

"So go to sleep, Addy. When you're rested, when you're ready, I'll come back and you can say anything to me. Yell at me, scream, rant, rave...whatever it takes for however long it takes."

Her shoulders slumped, whether from defeat or exhaustion I wasn't sure. "It won't change anything."

"You might be surprised at what it could change," I said. "Addy, I know I can't change the things I did. Saying I'm sorry doesn't change any of it. Most of the things I did I can't ever make up to you because they're that bad. All I can do is change the things about myself that hurt you, that put so much space between us, that caused me to wreck our marriage. So maybe you yelling at me, getting out at least some of the venom that I injected into you, will make you feel better in some ways. And that's an important change."

 "It seems like the moment will be lost if I don't do it now," she said, but I could see in her eyes how tired she was.

"I think, Addy, after what I've done, that you'll be able to find the moment whenever you think about my long list of sins."

She frowned. "Maybe you're right. I'm too tired to think of everything right now, anyway."

"Are you OK getting into bed by yourself?"

"Maybe stay close, just in case."

I nodded and watched her move from her chair to her bed after she threw back the covers and took off her shoes. I waited until she covered herself, my hands twitching to do it for her.

"I'm good now," she sighed, leaning back into her pillows.

"All right," I said. "Get some rest, Addy. I'll see you later."

I had to fight the compulsion to kiss her forehead.

"I can't sleep," Addy said softly, her hand on my cheek.

I squinted at the clock. Three seventeen.

"What would you like? Back rub, hand massage, scalp massage, neck rub? All of the above?"

"You fell asleep before I came to bed so I didn't get the forehead treatment."

Despite the time of night -- morning? -- I grinned, and lifted myself up in bed. I pressed a nice, sweet kiss to her lips, and then I pressed my lips to her forehead and inhaled.

"Sweet dreams, Addy. I love you."

"Mmmmm," she sighed sleepily. "Love you, too. Thank you. Now I can sleep."

I pulled her to me and spooned her, waiting to make sure she fell asleep before I allowed myself to sleep.

I stopped on the way home to make a quick purchase, then went to the airbnb and washed a load of clothes. After making myself a turkey, Swiss, tomato and avocado sandwich for dinner, I settled in front of my computer and started looking into Grady's accident, trying to figure out where he lived.

The pictures of his car after the wreck were horrifying, and Grady was extremely lucky that his injuries weren't worse. To be honest, it was amazing he'd survived a direct hit like that. His hometown was mentioned, which was about two hundred fifty miles from the Center, but the article mentioned that his baby girl had been airlifted to a hospital that had a NICU that specialized in caring for micropreemies.

Dammit, this just kept getting worse.

That had put his wife and baby another two hundred miles in the wrong direction of the Center. Definitely not a day trip by car. A helicopter would take three to five hours, so that wasn't much better, but a private plane could work, coming in at around an hour.

Unfortunately, I knew nothing about Grady's current condition, only what his injuries had been. I didn't know if a plane flight would be doable given he'd most likely have to go up stairs to get into the plane. I added that to my list of things to research -- wheelchair accessible small, private planes.

I pushed back my chair and got up to walk around, trying to figure this out, trying to think if I knew any pilots. Nothing was coming to me, so I texted Sebastian to see if he had any pilot friends or friends of friends or even business contacts. Then figuring I had nothing to lose, I texted my other brothers, explaining the situation and asked if they had any suggestions.

With that, I pushed it to the back burner and started working. Sometimes, debugging code freed up parts of my brain to work on other problems. I had no idea how that worked, but I just accepted it. This time, however, after three hours looking at lines of code, nothing had popped yet other than heading to the closest small airfield and seeing if I could talk to someone there.

My phone buzzed, and I grabbed it, hoping it was one of my brothers. It was Addy.

Even better.

I'm rested now and there's a lot I want to get off my chest.

I'll be there in ten.

I grabbed the bag with her gift in it, and headed out the door.

To what, exactly, I had no clue, but whatever it was, I knew I had it coming.