Copyright © 2025 by GroveltoHEA
"Phyllis," I said one Monday morning as I stopped by the Center, "would you be able to help me with a project?"
"It depends on the project," she smiled at me, looking curious.
"I got permission from the director to have a Pizza and Piano night this Friday in the common room."
"That sounds a lot more interesting than what usually goes on. Not that Oscar Movie night isn't fun but some of the past Oscar winners are real downers and most of the residents stay in their rooms."
"We'll see if everyone agrees with this being more interesting," I said. "But Addy mentioned something about that the other day, which made me think of this. So I was wondering if you would be willing to get everyone's pizza preferences from them."
"I can do that."
"And two songs they'd like to hear. I don't need to know who requested which songs, just a list of the songs."
"Any genre?"
"Pretty much," I said. "I'll figure out how to play something if I'm not familiar with it."
"I'll have the list for you tomorrow," she promised. "I may even stay late on Friday for this."
"Thanks, that'll give me time to listen to any songs I don't know so I can play them. I appreciate you doing this."
"Can you sing?" she asked, somewhat skeptically.
"I do OK," I laughed at her doubtful look. "If I'm terrible, give me a signal and I'll just play the piano and leave it to everyone else to sing."
"I'm wondering if you can even play the piano." Phyllis shot me a challenging look.
At that, I grinned widely at her. "I just mastered Chopsticks, which is always a crowd pleaser, so I think I'm good to go."
As promised, Phyllis gave me the list the next day, and I gave her a box of chocolates for her help. Looking through the songs requested, I wondered which two were Addy's. I'd given her space this week, but she had approved the Piano and Pizza night.
"I think everyone here would appreciate something different," she'd said when I floated the idea out there.
I was appreciating something different, too. The last two and a half years had been focused on me. It wasn't who I was but someone I'd turned into over that time. Fear, grief and selfishness didn't make a good combination for a good husband.
"I should have never let it get out of control," I said to my EAP therapist. Hannah had patience and compassion and an excellent figurative right hook when she wanted to catch your attention with truth.
"But you did and it did," she said. "The question is what you're doing about it."
"Right now I'm shifting my focus from me to Addy. To our marriage."
"That's a good start."
"I just wish --"
"I know how this sentence ends since you mention it every session. You just wish it hadn't taken Addy getting hurt to figure things out."
"That's exactly what I was going to say because it burns."
"I understand, but that kind of thinking isn't helpful, Challen. You have a mindset that there's some acceptable list of reasons to change, where some are more valid than others. Nobody with an ounce of sense or compassion is standing around with a checklist saying, Oops! Nope, sorry, that is not a valid reason to change your behavior. Please make a selection from our list of acceptable options to change, otherwise your change will not count."
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Challen and Addy
RomanceA married couple has been drifting apart for a while. He's on the go. She's more comfortable at home. He has a female friend at work he enjoys hiking, mountain bike riding and running with. She can't keep up. One day she tries and ends up in the hos...
