Feral Bonds

Chapter 58

The alphas would be arriving the following night. She had spent most of the day with Gretchen, trying to say goodbye, without really saying it, but now her mate was asleep. It was long after midnight, but Natania had too much nervous energy to join her. When she had gone out to get some air, she had run into Lily, and the two of them were out for a hike through the woods.

They came to a split in the trail and paused. "Up, or flat?" Natania asked, tilting her head from left to right.

Lily stopped in front of her and brushed Natania's cheek. "Whichever you prefer," she said softly, keeping hold of her chin. Natania fidgeted uncomfortably, meeting her gaze and then looking back at the ground.

Lily tilted her chin back up. "There's no one else here, Wolfie."

Natania jerked out of her grasp. "No, Lily. Don't do that. I'm not a cheater."

"Okay," Lily said, with a shrug.

Natania bristled with discomfort as they continued on. "I didn't mean to hurt you," Lily said, after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"I know."

Lily sighed. "But you didn't."

"You were very upfront," Natania said. "I get that. But I..." She shook her head.

Lily gave her a wry smile. "Attachment issues?"

Natania winced and hopped onto a log, walking across it and down before answering. "Yeah. And that's not been improved by circumstances."

"What does that mean?"

Natania shook her head. "I don't want you to take it the wrong way."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Explain, Wolfie."

Natania sighed and sat on the next log they passed. Lily sat beside her.

"My mother died when I was born," Natania started, "and my father didn't want me, so Sara got stuck with me. And she was bright, and warm, and encouraging, and affectionate."

She looked up at the sky. "And then my father took me back. And it was six, almost seven years of nothing. I wasn't strong enough, I was too weak, I was too softhearted, I was stupid, I was a waste of time. I was never good enough for him, but he scared my real family away from me so he was all I had. The few times I got to see my pack they were half afraid of me, so they were cold and distant, and they treated each other the way the pack treated my mother. I couldn't stand it, and that made it worse."

"And then there was Leah," her volume dropped as she fiddled with her hands, "and she was standing between my brother and those of my pack who wanted to hurt him." Natania shook her head. "And she was afraid of me, too. She only said yes to me because she wanted her family to be safer. It wasn't real until a lot later." She closed her eyes.

"But she was the first of my pack to ever be affectionate with me. I don't know what was going through her mind, but she would randomly come find me and just hold on. She wanted to cuddle, she wanted to play, she wanted to do everything that I never got to once my father took me back. A complete 180 from spending six years alone, so I fell hard, and fast, and latched onto her like my life depended on it. She was the light of my goddamn life."

"Then my pack warmed up to me and it was perfect, for a little while." She gritted her teeth. "And then there was Rigaldo, and suddenly I wasn't good enough anymore, for any of them. Not even him, really. Too reckless, too careless, too stupid and far too weak. And I was in too much pain to even want them around. He made me afraid of Leah's touch too, and then she died." She leaned back and sighed heavily. "And then there was you guys. And I was at my lowest and my weakest. I was a mess and a coward." She shrugged. "But for the first time, that didn't matter."