Scars never fade

Not how i thought it would be

This isn't how I wanted things to be, I always thought that when people said things will get better they meant things will be perfect, and thats not the truth. Because in reality yes, there is sun after a storm, but there's also still clouds. Clouds that may dissapear for a while, but they always come back. Maybe not as dark and big, but they always cone back. That's how it works in life, you're problems may go away but there will always be something, you just have to look through the clouds and try to see the sun.

My name is Addie, There's been a lot of ups and downs throughout my life. One thing about me is that my dad broke my heart before any boy had the chance to, another thing, I don't trust anyone.

When I was struggling no one knew how I felt, I had one friend that I told everything to and she ended up telling the whole school, that's when I stopped trusting everyone, including myself, I didn't even think I could trust myself and that was a problem.

I remember when my mother used to tell me if I ever needed to talk to someone she's there, it sounds like she cared, but when I tried to tell her anything she would get mad and say its my fault. I had no one I could talk to and so I started writing things down, it didn't really help but sometimes it was a feeling of relief just to know I had some freedom.

One day I came home from going for my daily walk and my mom screamed at me to get upstairs, I had no clue why she would be mad

"What did I do this time." I thought.

She had found my notebook, luckily I didn't say how I didn't trust her, but I did say how sometimes I think I'm better off dead. At that time I wasn't doing anything bad, it was just thoughts, but my mom still got mad, she took my book and burnt it, I was grounded for that whole week. That week was the first time I saw a blade, I thought about using it but couldn't stand to think what my mom would do if she saw. I put it down and sat on my bed, starring at the ceiling.

I spent a lot of time in my room, even when I wasn't grounded, I didn't want to go upstairs because my mom would find something to get mad about. A lot of the time in my room I would sit in my room listening to music or drawing. One day my mom came down and said I should stop drawing because she couldn't stand to look at it, I stopped drawing and after that I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I looked at the blade I hid under my pillow, it was tempting but I couldn't do it.