The Grass Is Always Greener

Chapter 3 - Worthless

Dans Point of View

Yeah yeah. Lets all laugh at Dan because he said mummy ha ha ha... Alright maybe it was quite funny, but its not my fault i was having a dream where i was 6 years old. Mum... I miss my mum.

The bell rang and Emma slid off the table and into the seat next to me. Our form teacher doddered in. Tripping over a guitar as he went.. Not the most gentle of souls. Although i couldn't really say much, i'm the klutz of the group. Well. Emma is pretty clumsy as well i guess.

An announcement came over the tannoy.

"Due to an electrical fault I'm afraid to inform you that the school will be shut for a week as we try to fix the problem, could all pupils who get the bus report to the office, the rest of you, have a nice week."

Shit.

Emma felt me tense up and looked at me questioningly. I faked a smile of reassurance back which she returned.

A whole week of being stuck at home. Unable to leave.

The rest of the group cheered and everyone in our class filtered out into the already busy hallway. I almost tripped and fell, although managed to grab Alex's rucksack to stop me falling.

We all said goodbye. Christian and Amy left one way, whilst Rhona, Gillian, Alex and PJ grabbed a lift.

Emma walked with me as she just lived a few streets along from me. She took my mind off what i was going to have to put up with for the next week.

"Dan.. Do you want to see if we can all meet up later in the week?" Emma asked as we reached her house.

"Eh.. Sure" i forced a smile.

She looked a bit confused but pulled me into a goodbye hug. I relaxed a bit, my heart rate returning back to normal momentarily.

She pulled away and waved before walking into her house. I continued my walk home, each step i took was harder than the last until finally i was stood outside the door.

My hand rested on the door handle. I gulped before opening the door quietly, maybe if i was silent i could creep upstairs.

"Hello?!" I heard a gruff voice ask from the living room. I gulped.

"Its me dad."

A tall, broad figure stormed out the living room and into the hallway, towering over even me.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME? I THOUGHT I'D GOT RID OF YOU FOR THE DAY?" He yelled, his voice like thunder.

I tried to dodge past him but he grabbed me by my school bag and pulled me back, causing me to crash into the wall.

He held me against it by my neck, his grip getting tighter as his rage built.

"I.. Its cancelled for the week," i gasped, "electrical Fault or something."

He let out a yell of frustration and let me go, falling to the floor. I cowered beneath him.

"DOES THAT MEAN IM STUCK WITH YOU FOR A WHOLE WEEK?! LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE PATHETIC"

"Believe me.. Im not thrilled about the situation either.." I muttered under my breath, obviously not quiet enough.

"I'LL TEACH YOU TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!!" He yelled, pulling me up by my hair. I gulped and he pummelled his fist into the side of my face, once, twice, three times. Before dropping me to the floor, and kicking me twice in the stomach, winding me.

I didn't yell out, i'd learned not to by now.

"I want you out from under my feet for the next week! Stay in your room out of my way unless you're called for... Understand?!"

"I.. I.." I stammered.

"SPIT IT OUT!"

"I.. Could go stay at a friends... Im sure Phil.. Or PJ would let me.."

"Oh you'd like that wouldn't you! You and your fellow queers getting together and gossiping before a quick shag and then off to bed" he spat.

"Im not a queer, and neither are they" i muttered.

"YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT!? LOOK AT YOU! YOU'D NEVER GET A GIRL TO LOVE YOU ANYWAY! YOU'RE USELESS! A PATHETIC DISGRACE TO OUR FAMILY! TO ME! AND TO YOUR MOTHER!" He screamed, kicking my face. His hard boot colliding with my already damaged skin. I could feel the blood running down my cheek, mixing with the tears i fought but failed to keep in.

Mum. Of course i was a disappointment to her. If my own father hated me this much i must be completely worthless. Thats me. Dan Disappointment... With a capital D.

I lay on the carpet. There was nothing i could do. I shook in fear, sheer terror of the man that was supposed to be my role model, my hero.

"Im going to the pub. And you better be cleaned up and have my dinner ready by the time i get back!" He yelled and slammed the door to our home shut behind him. Well his home. This would never be my home, not since mum died.

I pulled myself up and staggered up the stairs after several attempts. I glanced at the clock.. 10am and he's out getting hammered already.

I flung my bag on my bed and limped to the bathroom. Inspecting the bruises and cuts on my face. After cleaning them up as best i could, i limped through and collapsed on my bed, looking round my room, focusing on controlling the tears running down my face and stinging the cuts.

"TEARS ARE FOR THE WEAK! ONLY LITTLE GIRLS AND FAGGOTS CRY!!" The voice of my dad echoed through my head "NOW WHICH ONE ARE YOU?"

I shook his voice from my head and focused on my room. It had plain white dirty walls, bare floorboards that were starting to rot, a cracked window that let all the cold in, a bed with a thin blanket, a bedside cabinet, and an old lamp. That was it.

I heard my phone go and turned over to find it, wincing at the pain in my stomach.

One new message, from Emma.

"Hey, are you ok? You looked ill earlier. Em x"

I sighed and typed my reply.

"Hi, im fine, just felt a bit sick thats all, i'll talk later. D x"

Im fine. Im always fine. The guys dont know my mums dead, or that my dads an alcoholic, or about the bruises that cover my entire body and why they're there. How pathetic i am.

I will never tell them. I am ashamed of my father, my tiny unfurnished old bedroom, my lack of possessions.. myself.

Besides What can they do? Nothing, he's my dad. All that would happen is the authorities would interview my dad, he'd act like the perfect father, and then he'd make me pay for talking. And i obviously deserve it anyway.. for being a wimp, a coward, a worthless waste of space.

Plus i don't want to worry the guys. And if something happens to me.. They'd all probably be better off without me anyway.

No im fine on my own, trying to hide from my own father, like the pathetic loser that i am.

I'll be fine.

Fine.