The Diary of a Geeky Girl

chapter 1

                                                                                                                                                     June 6, 2011

I have been 14 for two days now, I guess I thought I would feel older, but I don’t. There really is no difference. I still feel like the same thirteen year old I used to be. Although, that’s not what I’ve been thinking about lately. Mostly I’ve been thinking about graduation. I know it’s just going into high school, and I’ll still be with a lot of my friends, it honestly freaks me out. I mean, I’ve been in an advanced type program since the beginning of grade seven, and I got accepted into another advanced like course, and plan on following that through until the end of grade 11 to join the next advanced program before going off to some (hopefully) good university. This might not freak most people out, but when I think about entering high school, I think about how that leaves four years before college. Four years isn’t long. Four years until me and my friends split. I mean, I can’t wait to graduate, and be free for summer vacation, but I don’t want to switch from what I’ve known for the past 10 years to some foreign thing like high school, even though I’ve been in the high school building for almost two years now. Then there’s the problem with the guys in my class. I swear they are out to destroy the little sanity I have left. I have had enough of those stupid comments from them. I am sick of having some one else tell them to shut up for me because I’m to afraid that they’ll see how much it actually hurts when they call me ugly. It’s like in the book "The Duff" by Kody Keplinger, where when ever Wesley calls Bianca a Duff (Designated, Ugly, Fat, Friend) she doesn’t let him see how it affects her because she doesn’t want him to know. I mean, I always told myself I wouldn’t be one of the people who let stuff like that get to them, but here I am and it’s affecting me more than I wish to admit. I don’t know if they know this or not but it’s not like I don’t sit in front of my mirror pointing out all my visible flaws, like the fact that no matter what I’m wearing I have at least a bit of a muffin top, or that hair that’s growing between my eye brows because I keep putting off plucking, or those blemishes scattered on my face, the size of my thighs and the fact that it looks like I have a double chin if I tilt my head down. I know that stuff already but they don’t have to keep telling me. Then my living environment isn’t that fun either considering my two autistic brothers, and the fact that my dad lives three hours away. I hide myself in books and blogs, and try to stay hidden as much as possible, but it doesn’t always work that way. Problems aren’t scared away by pounding music, or mystical places, no it just hides until after so it can make you feel that much worse. All of that stuff has inspired me to write a quote wall. My quote wall is the part of wall that my beds against and when ever I feel like it I write a random thought or quote in pencil on the wall beside me, this way when I look at that wall I know that a piece of my life is becoming a beautiful picture around me. It’s honestly a great way to make me feel better, no matter what’s going on around me. Today I came up with my goal in life. My goal is that I want to live. I want to get the most out of my life while I can, I want to be crazy and not care what others think. I want to be able to forgive and forget and be able to just move on. I want to be able to love those around me, and not take a second for grated. I want to live like there’s no tomorrow, and I want to be happy, and successful, and true to myself. Well I’m kind of running out of time to write but I shall be back with another entry soon!

　

A/N these are going to be short chapters because there more like diary entries, but I’m hoping to have the time to do an entry every day if I’m not to busy.