slut ; zayn malik

17; Different

My parents took my phone )))))):  Also, I'm watching this documentary on this white man who got kidnapped in Mexico and they're making such a huge deal lmao. How come when my grandpa got kidnapped there wasn't any documentary? What about those thousands of people getting kidnapped there?? Things are only important when it happens to a white person smh. 

"Do you wanna hang out later?" Niall said as he sat down next to me, his hand placed on my thigh suggestively. My mind raced with the wild thoughts of being with Niall again. It'd been well over a month since I'd done anything with anyone. 

"I don't really feel like it, Niall. I-I haven't been myself lately..." I trailed off. His face hardened as he gave me one last glance, "No, you haven't." And with that he was gone. 

I decided to not pay attention and focus on the book I had been reading instead of why things were so different now. I couldn't have sex with Niall even if I wanted to. There was this feeling of it being wrong deep in my chest. Just being touched by him reminded me of Zayn. It was so stupid. I'd told myself I wouldn't commit to any boy until after I got my degree and a stable job. But godamnit, just looking into Zayn's eyes made me rethink my entire life plan. But dating boys in high school was dangerous. Soon, you fell in love and you wanted to be with them forever and ever but then high school will be over and then what? You go to different colleges and take different paths. There's always the option of staying here but I've always wanted to go big. I doubt me and Zayn are interested in the same careers.

"You've been on that same page for the past twenty minutes," Zayn's voice kicked me out of my thoughts. 

"Oh, uh, I just don't really understand this concept," I said, completely forgetting what I was reading. Zayn took a peek at my book and laughed. 

"You're reading The Bell Jar. What concept is there to get?" He stared into my eyes and I was suddenly at a loss of breath. 

"Y-Yeah you're right," I laughed nervously.

"What's on your mind?" He rested his head on his crossed arms and peered at me. His soft eyes looking tired from all the studying he's been doing lately. I feel like since his parents have kicked him out, he's been focusing on his studies more. Probably wanting to make them proud if they actually look at his report card the next time it's mailed to them. Maybe he thinks they'll take him back in. 

"Nothing... just how things are really different now," I shook my head and looked away from his hypnotizing eyes. 

"Different bad or different good?" He asked.

"That's the thing. I don't know whether this is good or bad," I sighed before resting my head in my hands. Zayn wasn't gonna understand. I seemed to be the one who was always worrying about the future and what was gonna happen next. I just want to live my life but it's hard. 

"I'm sure you'll figure it out, Lucia. Don't worry about it. Just focus on something else and leave that book alone. I've read it. It's depressing, probably what's bringing you down," He said as he took the book from me and closed it, "Our free period is almost over, we should head over to the next class."

I nodded and gave him a weak smile before standing up. As I was about to say goodbye he grabbed my hand and began taking me to a more secluded part of the library. "What are you doing?" I asked quietly. 

"We have ten minutes left of the free period and no one ever comes into the paleontology section anyway," He said with a mischievous smile. Was he suggesting what I think he was?

"Oh?" I said as I raised my eyebrow. His smile spread wide as a quiet laugh left his mouth. I adored the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed. It was like his whole face shone when he smiled. The boy in front of me was truly a work of art and I wanted to keep it with me forever. I smiled softly as we stood there, taking each other in before his sweet lips touched mine and made me putty in his hands. He rested one on my waist and the other caressed my cheek softly. His affection sent my heart into a frenzy making me feel like a little schoolgirl with a crush. As he separated from me, the words that left his mouth made my heart stop and my eyes widen. 

"God, I love you so much."

This feels like a novela to me now omg. Also pls send in questions for the Q&A in the comments ty. Have a happy few days or weeks of summer vacation before getting sent back to hell ((((: I actually miss my friends a lot. Especially you Yuli xx Nah jk I miss you the least. 

~Judith