slut ; zayn malik

18; Idiot

I saw 5sos in concert and it was soooooo amazing. They're so great live.

The thing about love is that it's unpredictable. You never know when it's going to end or if it's going to last forever, so you never know if you're with the right person or if you're wasting your time. Love and relationships just seem like a bore at this age. I have better things to work on. This is exactly why Zayn telling me he loves me completely freaked me out. I was what society calls a slut, therefore I wasn't with guys for very long so the L word was never said. Even the thought of anyone telling me that makes me want to puke. As much as I like Zayn, he's not gonna change the fact that I'm terrified of commitment and love. 

"Uhh... I-I think we should get to class," I smiled weakly up at him. His arms were still holding me trapped between him and the bookshelf. Sudden realization of what he had said hit him as his eyes widened and he backed away from me.

"Lucia.... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable I just-"

"It's fine, Zayn. Don't worry. I get it," I cut him off.

"No it's not fine. I should have said that, I'm sorry," He pleaded.

"Let's just get to class," I said softly before turning around and walking away. I expected him to follow, but he stayed behind leaving me to my thoughts.

~~~

"So he told you he loved you? And you just left him there?" James asked for the millionth time.

"Yes, James. I've told you a million times, yes," I sighed in frustration. He was such a dramatic asshole.

"I'm sorry I just don't understand how you can have someone sincerely love you and completely ignore them. Man, if I could get a boy to even turn to look at me my life would be complete," He rested against the lockers and looked up at the dirty ceiling.

"Boys are stupid, no offense, but I'm not interested in anything other than fucking them," I stood my ground.

"Yeah but now you got someone who's hot, nice, and from what you said, good in bed. That's the full package. What else do you need?" He was making this too hard. He was actually making me reconsider everything. But all the memories of my past relationships make me scared. I don't want to hurt Zayn. All my past boyfriends are the same. I'm super into them the first one or two weeks, but then I get bored. I always get bored and I leave them stranded and heartbroken.

"I-I just don't want to repeat the past," I muttered.

"You worry too much about the future, you have to live in the now," He said before patting my shoulder, "I have to go meet up with Diana for study group, but I'll talk to you later," He gave me a quick hug and walked away. I sighed heavily as I rested my back against my locker. The dirty ceiling was the only thing distracting me at the moment.

"Hey, Lucia," The dreaded voice of Fuckface Franklyn invaded my personal space.

"Are you lost?" I sighed in exasperation.

"No. Just bored, and messing with you is just so much fun," He laughed. The blonde boy leaned against the lockers and smirked at me, probably awaiting some snarky comeback.

"I'm not in the mood," I grumbled before trying to walk away, but hr grabbed my wrist.

"Aw, c'mon don't be a sour puss. I was just wondering if your mom could come and clean my house later. Does she speak English?" He burst out laughing. The incredible anger that was built up inside was uncontrollable. This idiot has said so much shit to me, but he'd never said anything racist. This goes way past the line. In fact, he's miles away from the line.

"What did you just say to me?" I said through gritted teeth. I balled my fists and dug my nails into my palms to control myself, but nothing seemed to help.

"It's a joke. God, lighten up," He cackled. The way his blue eyes seemed so oblivious to how badly he just hurt me infuriated me more.

"For your information, Franklyn, a white lady comes over to clean our mansion every Friday, but she quit a few days ago. Maybe your mom could go and apply. Does she know how to clean?" I said as calmly as I could, and to let it all out I punched him straight across the face. He bent over in pain so I kneed him in the stomach. "Never speak to me again, Franklyn!"

I held onto my backpack as I walked away as fast as I could, tears building up in my eyes. How could he say that? It was insensitive, even for Franklyn. I walked out of the doors of the school and kept my head down until I reached the back of the school.

I collapsed on the grass and the tears fell down my face. Sobs escaped my mouth as I let it all out. What would Franklyn ever know about racist comments? He's a privileged white boy, he doesn't understand how much it hurts. He thinks it's all a huge joke. He's an idiot. No one has ever told me anything like that. No one in school, at least. I feel like shit.

"Lucia?" I heard Zayn's voice from afar. I looked up as he ran up to me.

"How did you find me? Do you stalk me or something?" I tried to stop myself crying, but I couldn't.

"No, I was waiting for you by your car and I saw you storm this way. What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He said as he sat next to me. His hand rested on my back carefully as he looked to me for answers. It was lovely that even though I rejected him in the morning, he still cared about my feelings. It made me think about what love is and what it makes you do.

"It's stupid. That idiot Franklyn said something really racist about my mom to me," I sobbed. I couldn't stop crying. I began to take deep breaths in order to calm down, and it seemed to be working. 

"That's terrible, Lucia," He said as he wrapped his arms around me. He let me sob into his shoulder as he held onto me. His white T-shirt was soaked by the time I calmed down. It made me feel like such a baby for letting him get to me. This is exactly what Franklyn wants. "Don't listen to Franklyn. He just wants attention cause he's stupid. And I know the feeling of being attacked for your race," A sad chuckle left his lips, "My family always gets picked for those "random" airport checks." He put air quotations on random. 

"The system is so fucked," I muttered as I wiped my tears away, "It's made to put people like Franklyn on top and leaves us to get stepped on." 

"That's America," He said as he looked down, "But let's not think about the system. That only depresses me. Let's get you home. Actually, let's go somewhere to get your mind of things. Where do you wanna go?" 

"Ummm.... how about Denny's," I smiled. Zayn nodded before standing and helping me up. We walked towards my car and got in. My eyes were red from the crying, but who cares? Fuck it. As I started the car, Zayn turned on the radio and when it turned out to be Nicki Minaj, he turned it up. 

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