SEVENTEEN years to Live

8 ●○► REALIZING

CHAPTER EIGHT

●○► REALIZING

I look at Bryan in the eye. His lips form a thin line and stretch. I take a step back, not breaking the contact between us.

“What?” I demand, as if I did not hear what he said. “Can you say it again?”

I hear a small chuckle in his throat. He bows down and looks at his feet before he looks up again. I never blink. I don’t want to. I want to hear those words again.

I see his mouth tremble slightly.

“I said I’ll wait here until you ask me,” he repeats slowly, quietly, as loud that we are the only ones who can hear. “That is if you need someone to love you.”

“You know, Bryan,” I begin, sighing, “loving is not one of my priority for now. Besides we’ve just met. What do you call this thing? Love at—”

“Love at first sight,” he continues for me. “Yes. But, Mary, I have to hurry to get you. The government won’t give us the time to be with each other after two years. They’re gonna kill you when you’re seventeen. And no one can save a person from dying when his time comes. I cannot help you anymore. Please let me be yours.”

I hesitate for a long moment. His hands go to my arms and hold me still. His face slowly leans toward mine. Then his eyes close and mine too. But I gesture away.

“I’ll think about it, Bryan.”

I remove myself from him.

“Have a good evening,” I add, then walk toward the house with long strides.

I arrive in the house with Janine and Beth sitting on the floor/bed. They chatter in hushed voice as if they don’t want me to hear them. Janine shoots glances at me with a sarcastic grin while listening to Beth.

I take a deep breath and close the door behind me.

There is an open window half a meter away from the door. And someone catches my attention when I pass it. Bryan.

He is standing ten yards away from the front door. His eyes are looking at the ground, and his hands are in his pockets. He seems to be waiting for me.

“Who is outside?” asks Beth, trying to see through the window, but she fails. “Is there someone out?”

I shake my head to her. She nods approvingly.

“How are you and Bryan?” says Janine with a bit of sarcasm in his voice. “Did you ask him out?”

The questions make me irritated. I roll my eyes together then glance outside the window where Bryan still stands. He must be really waiting for me.

I don’t want to answer the questions given by Janine. If I do, maybe she’s going to overreact. She would squeal and jump.

“Is he outside?” asks Beth, trying to see through the window again.

“Why don’t you go to him?” suggests Janine.

I take a breath and don’t answer. Their eyes meet and they exchange why-can’t-she-just-go look.

I take another breath, deeper this time.

I start to walk toward them, sitting beside Beth and shifting my stare from her to Janine then back again.

“Mary,” says Janine as if she is reprimanding me, “take note of this. When Bryan turns away from you, there’s nothing you can do. Boys should not wait for us. We should wait for them.” She stops to take a deep breath and holds my hand. “What if you can no longer have a baby? That’s a sad thing a girl in Depton Republic can have. You know, our permission lies with the boys. They decide. We wait. Understand?”

I don’t mind her for a moment because the words still don’t sink in. I wait until I finally understand, then nods my head as if I agreed into a deal.

“Mary,” it was Beth’s voice, I turn quickly to her. “Do you still feel something for Kevin?”

The question makes me stiffen. “I don’t know,” I lie, but it’s true that Kevin has a part in my heart. Maybe he owns the outer part, not the inner. “I don’t really know.” The tone in my voice makes them convinced.

“Maybe it would be fair for me when you already have Bryan,” Janine breathes. “You know, Kevin is with the daughter of the Mayor and you’re with the son.”

“I did not think of that, Janine,” says Beth quickly. “Brilliant.”

“And I won’t take it, too, if Kevin and Jamela and Bryan and I live in one house,” I tell them flatly, sort of a reminder for them to take note.

“Oh, yikes,” Janine mutters.

“See?”

Janine purses her lips to the side, concluding.

“I know you also don’t want that situation if it’s going to happen to you,” I murmur. “It’s like going in one house and you’re not even invited.”

“I agree,” Beth says. I glance in her direction and look at her in the eyes. “But Kevin is with Jamela now. You can’t have Kevin. And I think the other boys we’ve met won’t accept your invitation if you ask them. Bryan is your hope. You can have babies with him before you die.”

There is a long pause. Beth narrows her teary eyes at me and manages a smile. I know what she feels. She feels so sympathetic for me. I don’t want to ignore that. She’s one of my best friends.

“She’s right, Mary,” says Janine, but I do not look at her.

“You can live with Bryan in a different house. Or here. He’s very welcome here.”

I nod, looking down at the floor.

For a moment, something occurs inside my head. Where are Heather and Kate? I wonder. Then my lips trace the words and I tell them. Janine and Beth stiffen.

“Yeah,” Janine says, “where are they?”

“I thought they went to the lake,” says Beth.

“They weren’t there when we went there,” I tell them.

“Maybe they already found boys and invited them.” I don’t expect Janine to say that. Beth and I look at her with doubt in our eyes.

But then, Beth nods her head.

“Now you are the only single here,” she tells me.

I blink for a second at the thought, realizing that it is true.

The moments that had happened at the lake pop inside my mind. I remember how I wanted to talk with the football guys, and how I wanted to ask one of them. Then Bryan comes into my head. And I realize that he is still outside.

For a split second, I stand up and turn my back to the girls. I open the door excitedly and walk toward Bryan with quick, long steps.

“Hi, Bryan,” I call. “Wanna come with me?”