Reckless

Intoxicant

        As we drove further on into the late afternoon, the sun progressed into the woodsy horizon. Rays peaking through the pines that decorated the sides of the serpentine road,the thickness decreasing as we drove further on.

     Pine Trees (or just any towering tree in general) were Sacramento's palm tree. They were abundant and made the place unique like no other. A deer or two would occasionally appear in the vegetation,emerging from behind a bush but would disappear when the headlights shone ahead.

       It was 4:45 and the roads were almost deserted adding to the additional discomfort I felt from being there in the car.

     Since I cam back from my house with my things, no one dared to speak nor budge, like statues in the hard car seat. Huy had fallen asleep due to the lack of motion in the car while LJ sat pristinely, his eyes belonging to the outside world . And I tried to make the most of the tiresome car ride and think. Think about the calculus test I had in 2 days, think about how my life cam out to be.

        Here I am on a trip with people I barely talked to yet alone knew. With a guy. A guy I had mixed feelings about; he was attractive I must say, but part of me felt wrong to believe so.

     I begged for attention from Dax -I shouldn't have. Part of me felt like I deserve someone better, someone that felt me, the guy of my dreams. The other wants to unleash its longing for a relationship.

        I pulled out my journal from my bag to jot down current thought,flipping through the crowded pages,looking for a spot to write in. A loose,folded note slid down one of the pages, a note labeled 'Him'. Curious as to what it was, I unfolded the slip and analyzed what was before me:    

      "I was walking home from brunch when I stopped in front i a clearing filled with an assortment of different colored flowers, ranging with size and shape. I reached down to pick a pretty yellow flower and one by one, plucked off the petals, whispering to myself "Does he love me, does he love me not,".This continued until there was nothing left but the ugly black center. The radiant yellow petals,scattered on the earth. But then I thought to myself, 'they're nor worth getting destroyed over some guy who can't make up his mind.' And that's when it hit me, when I realized no one is worth destroying myself for. All the times I've picked and bruised my petals because I was unsure if I was enough. The time I picked out the parts of me trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Why I wasn't good enough or worthy for him. I am this beautiful yet dismembered flower. I am too beautiful to allow him to destroy me.

       The world around me was still and I then realized the car had been stopped and was pulled over to the side of the road. I looked to my left revealing Dax concentrating on reading the paper,unaware I had stopped reading the slip altogether.

     His eyes met mine, filled with sympathy and sorrow as I returned the note to my journal, my lips pursed. A single tear plummeted onto the hard,glossy cover causing me to cover my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie.

      They wonder why I don't have crushes or make remarks on the guys at school. They wonder why in the 3 years of high school I've been through so far, I only liked 1 person. The person who ruined it all for me.

     His name was Colin. And he was my drug, intoxicating & addictive as it can get. However, he was intelligent and intrigued me like no other. Not as much school but experience wise. Colin would bring me to his studio sometimes, and show me his artwork. It was always different.

       He would describe the meaning/purpose and the background of each one and took it very seriously.His brows would crease and his hands seemed to do all the talking, moving with him as he spoke. And as a result, I fell hard. Really hard to the point where I would give up my plans to come watch him draw or paint. He didn't feel the same way however or so I thought.

       Dax scanned me from his seat, a big crying loser. He positioned me so that I leaned into him, my nose in the crook of his neck. As I allowed my tears to run down my face, soaking his white t-shirt, his grip on me tightened, giving me a comforting feeling.

      His toxic aroma infused my senses and I found myself in a very familiar moment.

       Colin would hold me close to him, back when he actually felt something, and we would take strolls to the ice-cream place. He wouldn't let his arms loosen when he would so this for a long time.

     "Hey.", he whispered into my ear,creating alertness. "It's going to be okay,yeah? It's in the past.", he patted my back and slowly released me. I looked up to Dax, my eyes still watery. He wiped his thumb along my lashline and smiled at me,returning to the wheel.

      "Who was he?'', a voice asked.

     I turned around to face a curious LJ,his hand mounted on his chin.

      "Colin. Colin Taniguchi. He's graduating this year.''

    "Oh,wait,you used to like him?  You're the girl that made him all soft huh?''

      My face perked up, unexpected. I thought he didn't like me as I liked him.

    "Yeah, he was devastated for a while. Something about not wanting to hurt you, yeah like that."Bullshit, he told me that it wasn't going to work.

      "Shut up LJ."

     "Sorry..", he replied, saying it in two syllables. Dax twisted the knob to the radio and out blared 'Night Changes' by One Direction.

      He instantly started singing under his breath. I too sang considering I love One Direction.LJ joined too and Huy, who I didn't even know was awake, sang the loudest.

     "But there's nothing to be afraid of even when the night changes. It will never change, baby. It will never change,baby. It will never change, me and you..". After singing to 7 songs, stopping for gas, playing 20 questions, we finally made it to San Jose, which I must say was insanely pretty.

     The street lights illuminated the road and the buildings making it look somewhat like Los Angeles.People were still out, roaming the streets, as the sun had almost set, creating a peaceful vibe.

      The highschool was right ahead but Huy and LJ thought it would be a good idea to race to it by foot. While the car was still in motion, they hopped off  and started sprinting, pushing each other off the sidewalk.

      As we parked,  Huy sprang around the corner, laughing uncontrollably