"FLICK!!!!!!!! YOUR GOING TO BE LATE IF YOU DONT HURRY UP DOLL!"
ughhhhhhhhh, I moan, clutching my teddy bear. not wanting to go to school. especially my new school, it sucks and its full of extremely mean people. but they don't see me really. I'm way to small, shy and intimidated easily, there IS an advantage to being so small however, no one talked to me.
I came to school, I sat in class, I had lunch, went to more classes, then went home. I don't really socialise with anyone.
Ever since my darling mother moved us away from our hometown, to a small house/ apartment in the big ass city of Sydney.
I hated it. the only solace I had was books and old photographs.
I had to leave everyone and everything. my best friends of 10 years, olive and Izzy, my school, my extended family, my everything.
I cried myself to sleep for months. missing my old room. i cant explain it. i lived there for 12 years, that room has been with me for ages, collecting and slowly building bits and pieces of different stages, from all the fluffy toys i had on my bed, till the day i shoved them all in my cupboard because i had my first boy coming over (which resulted in my spilling hot chocolate on him, we never really spoke again). the stains on the carpet, to the blu tack residue on the walls from all the posters i had. that room was me, and i was torn away from it. I'm getting sentimental i know, but it didn't help when one morning i woke up to my mother packing boxes and drowning a glass of wine telling me where moving 9 hours away to a place i haven't been since i was 4.
My family went through a bad time.2 years ago, My mothers husband of almost 20 years, walked out. i refuse to call him my dad anymore, he left me. thats not what a dad does. my 16 year old brother went bad. turning up to school drunk, getting stoned constantly. I was two years younger than him, and I used to look up to him. until my mother and him would fight everyday, both of them constantly out of their brains drunk. I had no one to set an example. I decided the safest bet was just to be the quiet 14 year old. and not talk and stay home and do work. I went to school, then went home. missing out on the experiences that would have matured me like,
a lot happens from when your 14 to when your 16 if you think about it. first heartbreak, sleepovers, stress of not completing assignments and even doing "it" for the first time.
I missed these whilst taking care of my family, being the peacekeeper. if i wanted my brother and mum to stop fighting, all i did was walk in the room, mum would silence my brother, them not wanting to upset the "baby" of the family. they endowed me i swear. When my 16th birthday came around, I did have a party, which reconnected me with my best friends. I missed them so much. but a month later into being a normal teenager, my mum started packing up, and we moved. I just returned to doing the only thing I knew how. Blend, be quiet and keep the peace. my experiences had to be set aside.
So now, I'm a 16 year old, trapped in a 14 year old state of mind.
