AFFECTION

TWENTY NINE

29

HOPE WELLINGTON

I was hungry, and I realised that when food was kept before me. I don't know why it is our first instinct as humans, that whenever we are sad/angry or depressed, we are quick to abandon food, even when it is a necessity. It was way past midnight, but my growling stomach knew nothing about it. We can definitely cheat on few days, especially when it comes to food.

This restaurant was a high end in Rome, but served authentic Italian pasta, I can safely say the best pasta in the whole world. And I was cherishing every bit of it.

"I know food is good, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't look at me."

I spared him a glance and then looked away. I may be back here, and I understand his reasons all too well. Aurelio was manipulative and he was vulnerable, because it was about Venus. But my heart isn't ready to accept this. It is like I have realised that nothing but heartbreak would come for me. The night I left, I was feeling very heavy, like the weight of the world is bestowed upon me. But then I realised, how can I let any man dictate my actions? Not that he was doing it intentionally. It has happened with me before too. When I left school, wasting my year long progress, because I couldn't take the fact that he won't love me. And then I regretted because that proved I am a coward. For once I believed I am no more that girl, but time and circumstances proved me wrong.

I looked up at him, "I am sorry."

"Huh? Why are you sorry?"

I took a deep breath and rested the spoon in my hands, "I am sorry for leaving so abruptly. I'll be more cautious now. I know I am equally responsible for Oliver, and it's a huge commitment. But I.."

"You don't get it, do you?", his question puts a stop to my words and I look at him curious. Taking that as a cue, he continues, "I am not a fool Hope. And you may think of me as some random over friendly dude, but this dude knows you since years. I saw you first when you got admitted in school. You were hard not to notice. And then the day I protected you from those chipmunks, that was the very day I felt a protective instinct for a woman, who wasn't family. That was a new thing for me. Very new. And then, as I got to know you, that instinct turned into a pledge. So imagine what failure i would have felt when you left all of a sudden. From school that is. I have not told you this- but I searched for you, in the whole California for about a two and a half month. My search stopped when James got me an information that you had applied for a transfer certificate and the reason was you preferring to live with your parents.
Your sudden disappearance scarred me bad. And it didn't hit me suddenly. I felt occasional spells of missing you badly. For years to be exact. No contacts. No messages. No notes. I even planned to fight with you whenever in life I see you again. But then life made me mature, and I realised you had your own reasons. The resentment died, but the longing was always there. You know, the night two days ago, when I felt the bed for you and you weren't there, it all hit me again. I felt as if you left school again. Like I wouldn't find you this time too."

I was left speechless at his monologue. I had nothing to say. But I definitely had one question to ponder- Why did I never think my leaving could leave as big an impact on him as it did on me? Why did the possibility never crossed my mind? My appetite was gone, and he definitely noticed it.

His eyes were a little hesitant now, probably because of opening up. And they consistently shifted between me and my plate. When he had enough of me being an idiot, he shifted his chair closer to me, picked up my spoon and shoved some pasta in my mouth.

My attention was surely diverted and my heart- hyper aware of his actions. I was still processing the newfound information, and he was 'kind' enough to feed me food like I was one like Oliver. I wanted to kick myself for feeling bad when my plate was finally clean. Have some ego Hope! You need to fight with this man, not go gaga on his antics!