AFFECTION

THIRTY FOUR

34

HOPE WELLINGTON

I tried to forget whatever happened, but it was next to impossible. I had guilt, for sure, because after all, I did lie. I was upset because all the mental preparation I had done for finally confession went to garbage. And then I had anger because for that one lie, he called me a betrayer. And if that was any less, he felt suffocation in my presence. Or so he implied. Who's going to tell him how suffocating it is to live with a full heart, ready to burst but holding tight because it is aware that once it bursts open, there's nobody who'd collect all the mess. I have experienced it once. I don't want a repeat. My childhood adolescent self loved enough to experience the worst time of my life, and I was a fool then. I am no more a fool now. I know my prime concern is myself. Should be myself.

I looked out of the window. It was still dark outside. The sun was not going to be up for another hour. Like always, i completely lost my sleep.

When he came back, he pestered me alot about dinner but my appetite was gone. I only slept for the time that I was sleeping in the balcony- out cold and numb. When I was in the comfort of the bed, the thoughts started creeping onto me, and so after hours of just lying there, i realised there's no way I can just lie and sulk. I changed into my gym clothes and decided it is high time I make the time productive.

Coffee was the best way to start a day. But as soon as it entered my stomach, it made a growling sound. Like it hadn't eaten in days. Just when I was wondering, I heard a sound behind me, and turned to find him coming down.

Has he lost it to wake up at this hour?

"Good morning Hopeless!", he came to me and then kissed my head, a habit he has developed over the days. I didn't reply anything and instead remind myself that we are not happy with this man.

But I didn't have to talk, because he wouldn't shut his mouth the moment it opened.

"I told you not to leave the bed before I wake up. But you got this strange habit to play hide and seek. And why the hell are you in these gym clothes? It's five in the morning."

I am all sunshine and rainbows during the day. But I hate it when someone chats endlessly in the morning. He didn't seem to care though.

"You know if you are planning to go to gym, let me make you a sandwich, and ofcourse for myself. I am also very hungry. We are never going to sleep empty stomach now. Imagine my stomach feelings pangs of penury when I am a perfectly rich billionaire. Shame on myself. And ofcourse you!"

He got to work immediately, lighting up the burner, and keeping a pan on it. I saw him break four eggs on it and then sprinkle spices over it. As the eggs were getting cooked, he chopped a plethora of vegetables. I had baked a whole grain bread yesterday and he put it into full use as he fetched four big loafs. Soon enough, by the time I finished the coffee, two sandwiches were kept before me.

"Eat now!", I looked at the sandwich and picked up the plate.

"Thank you.", with that I moved to the balcony.

"Wha...where are you going?"

I turned to look at him, "To the balcony. So it doesn't get suffocating."

That shut him up. His mouth open and closed a few times but he had nothing to say. And so, I headed to the balcony. I wouldn't eat this early in the morning, but I'd break that rule because I am extremely hungry now.

I settled on the couch and started munching on the sandwich.
There was no salt. I shook my head at his overconfidence. And I am called 'Hopeless'.

I continued eating when I felt his presence behind me.