Absconded Youth (Boyxboy) ✓

5: THE STARS TONIGHT

I don't know how to smooth this over. My hands won't stop trembling.

It was ten thirty-seven p.m. and the air was crisp. They sat on the stairs beneath the street lamp outside of Akio's apartment, far enough apart for another person to fit between them. The tension was like a deafening silence. The fact that Yuu wouldn't look his way was destroying him.

"I just wanted you to know everything about me, the way I want to know everything about you."

It was a struggle for Akio to keep from taking on a stressed, high pitch. Yuu crossed his arms and set them on top of his knees, burying his face there.

"And it sounds bad, but I only dated him because he was the only other gay guy that I knew. It was an easy way for me to explore that side of myself."

Akio wrung his fingers nervously.

"Please say something."

Yuu drew further into himself. "I hate it." His voice was muffled through the cloth of his clothes. "I hate that there was someone else before me."

Akio's chest tightened. "Me too." He looked up as he said it, and his voice seemed to dissolve away into the vast blackness of the empty night sky.

"And I hate that he treated you wrong," Yuu said, angry now. "How could he leave when things got tough? I would never do that to you. It's so messed up, and I hate it so much."

The older boy drew in a ragged breath, and it felt like his throat was closing up. He hadn't shared this story with anyone since it happened. Once they'd been caught holding hands, his ex never spoke to him again. No matter how many texts he sent he wouldn't reply. When he approached him in the hallway at school, he'd walk by like he never knew of his existence. His family had disowned him and he had no one to share his burden with.

A steaming tear rolled down the lines of Akio's face. "There's only you, Yuu," he croaked.

Yuu went rigid when he realized that his boyfriend was crying for the first time ever in front of him. He peered over the side of his arm in shock.

Akio held his face in his hands as his shoulders quietly shook. "There's only you. I'm so happy with you. I don't want to lose you. I'm so scared right now."

As Yuu watched the boy silently sobbing, his face contorted and tears of his own started to fall fast.

"I didn't mean to make you cry." An incoherent weep escaped him. "I'm sorry, Aki."

He swiped furiously at his cheeks, his nose wrinkled and complexion turning ruddy. Akio looked his way with quivering lips.

"I'm so selfish," Yuu cried. "I'm so jealous. I'm so sorry." Snot was beginning to drip. "I hate this, I hate feeling this way, and I can't help it. I'm sorry, Aki!"

The drops that slipped from Akio's eyes started to slow, and the new ones that fell were due to bittersweetness. It was the first time that Akio really felt like Yuu cared for him. And he cared for Yuu, too. So much. He really understood where the boy was coming from, and it caused what felt like physical pain, but he felt happiness despite it.

Akio scooted closer, finally closing the gap between them, and encased his boyfriend in his arms.

"You're safe with me, you know that?" he mumbled, his last tears dampening Yuu's soft hair. "I'll never do anything like that to you. You're stuck with me and I won't let anything steal you away."

Yuu nestled himself into Akio's chest, holding him longingly, as though he were sand that would slip through his fingers if he loosened his grip.

"Hey, look up," Akio cooed. "The stars tonight are beautiful. There's so much to see."

The boy stifled a cry as he pulled away a little, smiling weakly. Somehow the tears made his eyes look so lovely. Akio smiled back and pulled him in to lean against his warm chest.

"You're so nice to me, Aki."

"It's because I love you."

Yuu sniffled. "I love you, too."

It was the first time they'd exchanged the words and a serene peacefulness blanketed them as they let the sentences hang in the air. They admired the view for a long, quiet time, Akio stroking Yuu's hair until he at last stopped quivering.