You Are The Only Reason (post.malone)

One

Faith

Once again, I am home alone, left with my thoughts. Austin is never home anymore and I'm pretty sure that it's because he is tired of 'babysitting' me. When I met Austin, I was suicidal and still am but only when he's gone for long periods of time. I haven't hurt myself since the day Austin caught me and made me promise him to never do it again but like I said, everything we've ever had is slowly breaking. And I just don't know how much longer I can handle this pain. I know Austin wants to leave me but he's afraid that I'll do something stupid that I cannot come back from, and he's probably absolutely right. He is the last thing that I have in this world and once he leaves, what else is there for me to look forward too? My life isn't worth living without Austin in it. See this is what my thoughts do to me. They tell me Austin doesn't want me anymore and that's why he is always gone and I listen to every single fucking word. And I know that one day, my thoughts will be too overwhelming and they will just take complete control over my body and that will be the end of me for good. No more Leticia Dominguez. My bloodline will die with me, no more Dominguez's roaming this world. Okay now I'm just rambling but if Austin does leave, I will too...I will leave this earth. Just as my thoughts are getting more intense, Austin walks through the door, his friend Justin towing behind him. "We'll be in my room." He says before they head upstairs. My room. I remember when he used to say our room, now we have seperate rooms. Everynight I cry myself to sleep beacuse as always I am left with stupid, annoying and useless fucking thoughts and the heartbreak that Austin is causing me. I just want all of this to stop, I want Austin and I to go back to how we were. But that was 8 months ago, 8 long months that I have been suffering after not suffering for so long. All my built up thoughts just attacked me all at once and now I am back to where I was 3 years ago...complete and utter suffering only ten times worse. It's like I have already lost Austin, so why not end it all here? Because of that stupid promise I made to him. It's the only thing stopping me from ending everything right here, right now. But now sitting here in the bathroom is making me think otherwise until I hear the front door open then close. I walk out and see a note attached to the door.

Dear Fai,

I will be staying at Justin's for the night. I will be back tomorrow morning. See you then. -Aus

Of course. He doesn't care that each second of him being gone is driving me closer and closer to the edge. But now I have become used to it, so whatever. Let the suffering begin.

Austin

Honestly, I dont even know why I always leave Faith alone. I know it only makes everything worse, but it's hard always worrying about someone and wondering if the next bottle of pills or the next blade they see will be the one thing taking them away from you. The only reason I know she won't hurt herself is that she always keeps her promises, something she hates about herself. We don't even say I love you anymore and I am the reason behind that. Everytime she would say it, I would just nod my head. Until finally, she just gave up completely with it and that drives me insane. How I can hurt someone I'm in love with this much and know I am doing it, but do absolutely nothing to fix it. I wonder what will happen if I were to leave for good, will she finally end everything for good or just keep suffering until the day she dies? Okay, I can't do this to myself right now. The guys are all talking and eating, while I am just sitting here depressed. "Austin?" Mich brings me back from my thoughts. I hum in response. "If you're worried about her, just go back home and try to make things right. We all know you're still in love with her." He tells me. "I can't. I have already caused too much damage to that beautiful girl and I can't go back, it's too late." After that, they all just leave me alone. Well, back to my thoughts.